Nerves

Its almost time to submit my final major project but I’ve become very nervous about it. Such a lot rides on how I do. I’m already suffering from insomnia but this is just making it worse. I’m wondering why I can’t sleep, but I guess it’s thoughts like “have I got enough images?” “what if I forget to include?” “how do I create?” Don’t get me wrong, I have learnt a lot over the course of the last two years. I am attempting things I would never have done before. And what am I going to get out of it, apart from those new skills? Would anyone employ me as a free-lance illustrator/ author/ crafts person? Lot’s of questions. I think my style is my USP. I tend to do my own thing. I am probably too analogue. But I have a passion and I want what I am doing to be interesting. Do I have to be subsumed into a generic style? I hope not!

Sleepless in Stoke

My minds a whirl..

Little thoughts track big ones

Trickle through my brain

Like sand in a puzzle

Clogging up the workings

No smooth calmness

Jumping clumps of

Dark matter

Or spaghetti goo

What does that meant

To you?

Nothing, random

Overactive

Spiced with tinges

Of pain

Let me sleep

Not that tune

Again!

Tomorrow

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A stitch in time saves nine,

Don’t put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

Manyana

Prevarication

Am I depressed? I have things to do, and I keep putting them off. Watching TV, doing other things, like painting. I need to call the builder because I’ve found a crack in our front wall. I need to finish an assignment, I need to look after myself, I need to regain some calmness and relax.

Part of it is lack of sleep. Staying up late, one more blog, TV show, book to read. I’m not being organised. Maybe I can sort things out.

What to do. Don’t stay up till 1am. Or later.. Much later.. Oh hell!

Too many nights have turned into day while I’ve been mooching about. The little twitches of my mind as I listen to pings from my phone. How did I ever get so addicted to a phone!

Chemicals

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Something I wrote a couple of years ago on Facebook :

I keep seeing posts, don’t use this, don’t eat that, they are full of toxic, carcinogenic, genetically modified ingredients. BUT does anyone ever question where this information comes from? There does not seem to be scrutiny of whether things are FACT or FICTION.
Firstly everything is made of chemicals..because they are made of atoms or molecules of various elements. Even the wind is made if chemicals, because it is in fact gases like Nitrogen, Oxygen, Carbon Dioxide and other elements. The only thing that us not chemical is energy, like light (photons) and energy on the electromagnetic spectrum.
So when someone writes there are chemicals in something that is FACT.
Some are harmful and some are good, it can depend on the amount of something in it. That seems to be where the problem lies. Especially where people believe in homeopathic remedies, where the original active ingredient is so diffuse it sometimes can not be measured any more but people still believe in its effectivness (the placebo effect).
There seems to be an idea that even trace amounts of chemicals can do harm, in some cases that is true, we have all seen films where terrorists plan to put nerve agents in water supplies, and they show a tiny phial of stuff and say this thing can kill a million people. But it is not true that all things in trace amounts can be harmful. It’s these scare stories that worry me. I love science and finding out things. I am not an expert, so I tend to ask people who know or look up things on Wikipedia or Snopes to see what the facts are.
I think we should all question things, but try and follow the facts, not being scared to seek the truth. Certain newspapers will say something is poisonous one day, and then say it is a cure for everything the next. Sometimes you can’t take things at face value.
Science is important, without it we would be back in the stone age.

We do not see ourselves

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We don’t see ourselves as others see us. Mother, father, sister, brother, everybody has an opinion of you, but no one can know what’s in your heart.

Imagine a world of telepathy where everyone can read your mind at will. They can see your triumphs and tragedies from your perspective. But most people’s minds probably don’t have clear concise thoughts. If their mind is anything like mine it can be full of confidence at one minute and then dispair the next. You don’t get a blueprint when you are born of how to think. We all need to cut each other a little slack sometimes.