By the sea
Sand soft beneath my feet,
Tide rising, toes tickled by waves.
Starfish paddle with their little feet
Whelks and cockles burrow
Warm splash of water
Buckets and spades
Time to build a sandcastle for me and you.
I wish I was
Tag: Time
Ukelele band
Not a good photo as I was shaking too much, but I really enjoyed the music of Penkhull Ukelele Band that was on at the Beehive in Honeywall, Stoke-on-Trent tonight. My friend gave me a lift there and I met some lovely people. I was trying hard to think of things to talk about, and in the end I hardly stopped chatting. It’s been a long time since I’ve met new people and I kept trying to persuade them to join local choirs!
Loneliness is a strange thing, you can try hard to communicate with people, but sometimes it and anxiety make you hang back. If I’d been asked to go on my own I know I would not have gone out the house because I would have worried about how I looked, or what I would say. As it was having a friend for support gave me the confidence to try something new. I’m glad I went.
In memory
I saw a prompt on Esther Chilton’s page “dreams” and decided to write a poem about loss to respond to it. Here it is.
In my dreams you are still here
I grasp your hand to pull you near
To say “goodnight” to you my sweet,
As my heart trips and skips a beat,
To have you here, to hear you speak,
That is the dream I really seek.
I know that you have gone away,
Will never see another day.
I’m in a dream now, holding on
To memories of you though you’ve gone.
Stall 2019?
A photo of me taken by a friend when I was trying to sell small paintings at craft fairs. I’m afraid covid really knocked the head on this, I’ve only done a few small craft fairs since this and basically just one or two in 2023. The cost of hiring a stall usually cancelled out any sales money and also the cost of buying art supplies made the idea non viable. But I tried and I made some nice friends.
Sunlight over bluebells, a year ago
An innocent day, a year ago. We were out at a Rode Hall, walking through the bluebell woods. No sign of the troubles ahead.
I wish I could hold the hand I held for 43 years, so firm and strong, walking into sunlight with you. Taking each step carefully along the path. You leading the way, supporting me.
I heard the birds singing and felt a gentle breeze that shook the bluebell heads. Nodding in the dappled shade. All ready for some fairy parade when we were gone.
I drew this later from a photo, I wish I could go back in time.
Apple tree blossom
Last year we got some blossom on our apple tree but very few fruit. This year despite cold wet and windy weather the tree is absolutely covered in blossom.
The tree is bent over and trained against our fence so our neighbours actually have more of the tree in their garden. I’m hoping the blossom gets pollenated but again I’ve seen very few insects because of the weather. Fingers are definitely crossed on this.
Peony tree
I’d love to have one of these, I have normal peony plants, but this is a shrub with bright yellow, flowers. Maybe I will treat myself to one as an early birthday present. I need to maintain my garden but it’s not easy to look after. It’s on a slope and the ivy is taking over, great ground cover but it’s smothering other plants. I need to do some serious pruning if I have the strength. What’s putting me off? I’m scared of slipping and falling. I always take a walking stick out there now to give me a bit more stability. I might offer friends a gardening and cake day to get some work done? Is that a good idea. I don’t know.
Flowery
I think this is wild garlic? I took the photo a year ago. I love having a, wild and wooly garden. I am concerned that my fruit trees came into blossom early I haven’t seen many insects about so I’m not sure if they have been fertilised. I can only wait.
Boat Band
I enjoyed going out to see the Boat Band at the Beehive tonight. It’s been over 6 months since I have been out to see them. The pub was quite full with jolly people and it was lovely to feel that mood wash over me. It felt very strange being on my own though. And odd not having my hubby to talk to. But I’m glad I went, I even tried singing a couple of songs.
It had been another long day and I had a hospital appointment in the afternoon, I’m so grateful that my friend came with me to keep me company although she had to wait for an hour and a half while I had a scan. I couldn’t stop shaking so I hope they managed to get good pictures.
Now I’m shattered, I need some food but I might just have a sandwich and go to bed. But I’m really glad I went out. Life has to have some good times.
Crying
Crying is cathartic
Tears relieve stress
But do they ever stop?
Many more to come
Will they ever end
When will they be done?
Quiet nights are worst
But even in the day
Tears will still fall
Thinking, all alone
In my little home
Sadness overwhelms.
Looking forward’s hard
Past this veil of tears
Into future years…
Mallaband-Brown 