Missing choir

I’m not going to choir practice yet. I just don’t feel up to it. Singing is such an emotional thing. I just know if I go I will want to cry. I can’t face that yet. When I go back I want to be calm and a lot less stressed. Everything is so painful in my mind and in my body. I maybe should not share these feelings, but sometimes it’s better to say something. I don’t have the energy to worry about anyone else at the moment, and that makes me feel guilty.

To anyone else going through loss, I’d like to send my deepest sympathies, I can’t feel the same way as they do, but I do care.

Up and down

At the moment I’m up and down. One minute trying to plan things, the next remembering what has happened. Disbelief is my main emotion. That and loss. I feel like writing things down is helping a bit, so I’m here, blogging and sharing my thoughts. I hope that’s OK for people. I’m gradually working things out, grateful that I have hubby, friends and family there for support. When you lose a relative it’s a shock. I have cried, I will cry again, how long for, I don’t know. Its turmoil and chaos sometimes, then I calm down for a while. X

Autumn is on its way

A leaf on our floor has come in to visit today. I put the photo through photodirector to give more texture to it.

Some of our trees are starting to lose their leaves already. I think the lack of water over the last few months has had an effect. Autumn seems to come later each year, with warmer weather the leaves usually stay on longer. It may start now, but trees hold onto their leaves until well into November. But is this leaf a precursor to an earlier fall?

Cry for them

Cry for them

Cry for the mothers

The grand parents

Children and babies

Cry for them

Cry for the men

Bombed and shelled

Shot

Cry for the lost lives

The hope destroyed.

Cry for the humans

And animals

All of them lost.

Sheltered in basements

In cellars and underpasses

Cry for all victims

Across the world.

Ukraine, Syria, Yemen

So many more wars

When do the tears stop?

Losing friends

When you open up Facebook you don’t expect to hear that a friend has passed away. Someone who I admired. A good artist and a compassionate and sensitive man.

I guess I would rather find out than not know at all. Waiting to see if he would post new art, or a post about how he was feeling. He went missing for a couple of months about two years ago. He eventually turned up and everything turned out OK.

Now, I don’t know. I guess I’m glad I met him on a website and saw his art, he lived in a different country so we were never going to meet up. But that doesn’t matter, he was a very good artist and was a thoughtful person.

I lost another friend in a similar way last year. This was a woman from overseas. Another artist.

The internet allows people who would never normally meet to find each other. At least I’ve found out what has happened. Feeling very sad.

Don’t cry…

Don’t cry for those that are gone. They cannot feel your tears. Wherever they are they can’t hear you. Remember them but don’t cry. Cry for the living, cry for those that have lost loved ones, talk to them about their loss. Don’t stay quiet and hope it will be OK. They need your words of solace.

And don’t forget the poor, the ill and the starving. The ones that are always forgotten. Take care of them, support them. Help them where you can. One day you will be gone too, but others will still be here. Then hope they get help too from others. So life supports life. And share love.