Mourning and bereavement

When you lose someone it is complex and confusing. Especially when it is a sudden event. First there is disbelief, and that keeps flooding back. I keep wanting to talk to the person who is gone. Then I swear at them! Angry with them. Asking why did it happen? It’s unbelievable and shattering. Everything is on hold, I can’t decide what to do for the best. I’ve talked to lots of people, shared some of my feelings. I hope that’s the right thing to do. Life seems bad at the moment but at least I’m still trying to cope. Sleep is another problem. If you see me here late at night I might just be trying to take my mind off things.

My cat snores

When he’s properly asleep his paws twitch, so do his whiskers, and he snores.

It’s a regular rasping noise, and it’s not loud, but I can hear it. It’s good that he’s deeply asleep, dreaming of chasing things. Leaping up on fences and shed roofs. Paws twitch as he runs through the garden in his sleep. Sometimes a purr escapes instead of the snore. He was homeless for a while but he has come into our hearts. For a long time he was the ‘outdoor cat’, but no more. Fully integrated and full of snores and warmth.

Blurry back yard

Blousy and blurry

Mad back yard. The heavy rain has pepped up all the plants. You have to avoid the baskets. I want to put some washing on the line but it’s clouded over again. I’m tired and hot. A friend came round and after a cup of tea helped cut back part of a large bush that had layered itself (spread outwards with side shoots). Of course I stayed inside for most of the time, but decided to say hi after a rest and ended up helping a bit by cutting off small twigs. By the time I came back in I was exhausted and tired out, hence the shaking. But looking at this really cheered me up. A real plethora and pleasure of flora!

Hot buttered toast

When you get up after two hours lying awake at four o’clock in the morning and need comfort food. A lightly toasted slice of white bread and the spread of your choice, and a decaffeinated beverage helps. The first thing I thought last night when I woke up was ‘toast’, I’d got to take a tablet, and I didn’t want to take it on an empty stomach. I remember making toast for people for breakfast in one of my jobs. When all the residents had had theirs we were allowed a slice of toast and a cup of tea. A five minute rest in a hectic morning. And doesn’t it look good enough to eat? I’ve managed to get about three hours sleep in total and all I want to do is get back to bed. But the toast was lovely.

Shingles

No,  not the sort that you find on a beach.  The one caused by having chickenpox. It can come back as shingles in later life…..

Hubby is due his vaccination against it which is great,  but I’ve had an aching lower back for a week. It hurt even more last night,  each time I tried to get comfortable  I got shooting pains in my back and leg. My hubby had noticed a rash of blistery spots in a line on my lower back, just on one side.  Suddenly it occurred to me this might be shingles. I looked it up and found an image that seemed similar to what I have. Luckily I got a doctors appointment and they decided it was a mild case so I’ve got some tablets that should calm it down. They used to say if your shingles met in the middle you would be very ill (not sure how bad or how they could), I’m thankful it’s not too bad.

Small photo, incase you are eating your tea. Not my shingles. An Internet view.

I must walk more..

Up till a year ago I was regularly walking in the evenings, but then I pulled a calf muscle and was really stuck for a few months. It took ages to heal and it still twinges when I walk uphill. I realise I have made a mistake not getting back into it. I must start again. Slow evening walks, short walks to the shops. I need to get myself sorted out. X

Bird limerick

Bird on a post it note

On paper it seems to float.

Bright yellow and white

What a pretty sight..

Drawn for fun, gets my vote!

You can probably tell, I haven’t been very active today. Bit ill, not feeling well. I found this bird collage on an old sketchbook from 2021. I decided to share it with a little limerick. I had lots to do but haven’t been out. My hubby did some shopping and I’m laying low. If I feel better later I will blog again.