Where are they now?

Butterflies, summer creatures

Hide in crevices

Overwintering

Blood like antifreeze

Or lay their eggs

Somewhere safe

To form a chrysalis

That will emerge next spring

Or flutter south

To warmer places

Migrating to survive

And moths?

Do they do the same

Flitting to darkened spaces

To wait out the cold?

Mild winters fetch them out early

Cold and hungry

Where can they feed

If plants are dormant

Not in flower

No leaves to eat?

A delicate natural balance

Disrupted

Still writing gratitudes

I’m on day 66 and I’m still writing and drawing three small gratitudes a day. From getting a good night’s sleep, to playing with the cat, to reading a good book, nothing is too small to be grateful for. I’m sure over these last few weeks it has helped keep me going. Putting positive thoughts in the front of your mind isn’t always the most normal or natural thing to do, but it helps you to step back from what might be a dreadful time. I like drawing and writing, but I’ve got my hubby just writing a few lines every day. It doesn’t have to be profound, that would be amazing, but wonderful things just don’t happen everyday. So accept the small stuff….

Life drawing

Today, after a very bad night’s sleep, I got up and decided to go to the Orme Art Group today. We had booked a life model to sit for us and I didn’t want to miss it. I had bought new ink pens and black sharpie pens to use in my sketchbook. This drawing took a couple of hours, I wanted to capture the patterns on her skirt and scarf and the autumn leaves outside the window. I think this went well and I’m pleased with it. Going out and talking to the friends in the group really helped.

Will I sleep?

Now I lay me down to sleep, will I find the peace I seek? Last night I slept for two hours, stayed awake for three, then caught two more hours by their shirt tails. Dragged into and out of nervous dreams. Unsatisfied by my minds play and twists. I don’t remember them, but I think the dreams woke me, a flavour or a smell or a shape lifting me from slumber. Spending the day tired and aching. Wonder if I will repeat tonight? I hope not, but I’m overtired and grumpy, aching and yawning!

Dreaming

After a fitful night I must have finally got to sleep about 7am. So at midday it was annoying to be woken up by my hubby asking if I wanted a cup of tea. I had been in the middle of a lovely dream and I tried to catch the end of it….. the question came again, tea or coffee? Argh! I was dreaming I said. What were you dreaming about. I replied ‘biscuits’! Why? I have no idea! My hubby burst out laughing and carried on for five minutes!

I think my moon sketch looks like a chocolate chip cookie at the moment! ❤️

Tired

Yawning, aching, eyes blurred, too many late nights watching TV or videos on my phone. I could sleep, but my feet hurt, which keeps me awake. Then I’m either too hot or too cold, or hubby snores, or kicks my ankle. Too many decaff coffees make it worse. Even if I don’t have lots of thoughts sometimes it difficult. I put a light on, if I read sometimes I can sleep, I hear the book drop, but I’m gone. Other times I put the radio on low, a murmur, but sometimes I catch a headline and have to listen…. So many reasons for NOT sleeping, and yet HE can just sleep, like that, so annoying! ❤️

Sleep help

Your mind is muddled, thoughts roll over and through your mind. Repeating over and over the things that went wrong in the day. Things pop into your mind from years ago. This is never ending, you start watching your alarm clock as minutes or hours tick by….

Then you remember, someone told you think of the word ‘THE’ nothing else, just ‘the’… Think of it slowly, over and over again…

Why? I think it’s because the word ‘the’ has no connotations, nothing to cling onto, while you are thinking ‘the’ you can’t think of anything else. It helps block roiling thoughts, and you just drift off to sleep. Honestly, over the last two months it has really helped. I don’t even remember drifting off, but then I sleep quite well….

Mourning and bereavement

When you lose someone it is complex and confusing. Especially when it is a sudden event. First there is disbelief, and that keeps flooding back. I keep wanting to talk to the person who is gone. Then I swear at them! Angry with them. Asking why did it happen? It’s unbelievable and shattering. Everything is on hold, I can’t decide what to do for the best. I’ve talked to lots of people, shared some of my feelings. I hope that’s the right thing to do. Life seems bad at the moment but at least I’m still trying to cope. Sleep is another problem. If you see me here late at night I might just be trying to take my mind off things.

Insomnia again, no!

My mind is spinning again, and my body has been spinning in bed, left side, back, right side, left side, right, back, left…..

Sheet covering me, duvet and sheet, no sheet… Too hot, too cold. Pain in my toes, pain in my knee, back, neck..

Twisting and turning so much, it might be a dance. Now my guts are joining in, discomfort, so I’ve come down for a decaff coffee. Soon I’ll be back in bed. But while I’m here, at 5.15am, why not just check out my phone for stories, funny memes, memories, jokes…… Put it down! Put. It. Down…

Good morning x dawn will be breaking soon.