Hilly walk

Tonights walk. Up and down hill again. Called in a shop so carried four or five kilos home in bags. A few weeks ago I wasn’t doing much at all. Today I did over 7000 steps. I don’t know how far that is in miles, probably only two or three. It suddenly doesn’t seem as difficult as it did!

Yes it’s tiring, but after visiting the doctors yesterday I know they think I’m doing well. Fingers crossed that I can keep it up!

Sore shoulder

It’s been about six weeks now since I think I hurt my shoulder. The doctors agreed I needed physios they sent me a letter to book an appointment. But there are no appointments. I’m still in pain and no further forward. I wonder if things will ever get back to normal (shoulder and life). I think it’s partly to do with tension. I haven’t got depressed but I seem to always be hunching my shoulders up. I might try and get to yoga again if it starts up again.

When I think about it though I can manage, I have been managing. What about all the people who never get treatment. Who live in poverty in rich and poor countries where health treatment is based on expensive insurance that doesn’t cover existing health issues. I know how lucky I am.

In a bubble

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I’m tense all the time. My hubby went out walking today with some friends and I stayed in ostensibly to get some college work done but really I want to keep away from possible infection. I don’t like it though. I’m constantly tense. I get pains in my shoulders from holding them tight all the time. I’ve tried to book some physio because I’m getting pain from a pinched nerve in my arm and shoulder…  But there are no free appointments. Hubby says he will pay, but I’d rather trust the NHS than go private?

So the tension continues. I’ve even found myself rocking backwards and forwards to comfort myself. I don’t think I’m depressed just physically reacting to the pandemic. Stay safe everyone.

X

😴 Tired

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I don’t put up pictures of myself very often. Why would you want to see me? I only had five hours sleep. I have pulled something in my arm, I think it’s a trapped nerve in my neck and I keep ending up in pain when I lie down. So if you will forgive me here I am. I’m tired and grumpy. I hope to get an appointment with a physio soon but there are not many appointments. I think I have what I’m calling lock down neck. My shoulders are constantly tense, tight and painful. I do feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Oh well….

The end of the World as we know it?

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A spiky plant in our garden, a bit like the shape of a virus.

This virus though? I was just thinking this is like a zombie apocalypse movie- except there are no zombies (and no apocalypse)! I didn’t think the survivalists were right, and I still don’t. This is not the end of ‘Independence day’, or ‘Deep Impact’, or even ‘The Day after Tomorrow’ No president ‘hero’ is going to save the day. No bulldog like prime minister will defeat the army of viruses, its just not like that,

Blame them, if you need to, for that old cliche, of shutting the door after the horse has bolted. All of us, the whole world, is affected by this. But there are no zombie dead walking the streets, but a mass of our loved ones, gone before their time.

I hope I don’t sound flippant. I don’t want to. I DO NOT think this is the end of the world, although some people will be wishing it is. There are too many things that  can destroy this world, with bombs and bullets, starvation and lack of clean water. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think mans damage of the Earth is going away, we have had a brief respite, but that does not solve climate change.

So there you are, that is what I think the real problem is, mans inhumanity to man and our planet. Scientists are calling this era the ‘Anthropocene’ where the impact of billions of humans on the Earth is visibly changing things. Remember the hole in the ozone layer? The massive oil spills over the last century, glaciers and Ice floes melting. Oceans full of plastic, the air so polluted in some places that their populations have been in their own lock-downs to survive them.

Mankind fights wars over so many things, religion, resources, rights to water and food. There is no ‘sharing’ with the other people on the other side of the mountain. Mankind ( and womankind) would rather be selfish and keep everything for themselves. Survival of the fittest? or greediest? Maybe we can’t work together?

But we can TRY. When people say we are all in this together, they need to realise we actually are.

When I was a child, there were probably about four billion people on the Earth, I learnt a fact that if you took every person alive they would fit on the Isle of Wight. (Look it up, its a small island off the south coast of Britain, separated from the mainland by the Solent). Even now you could probably fit most of them on the island when the tide is out….

I often think that the Earth is the host and we ( the human race) are the virus or bacteria attacking it, making its glaciers run, clogging up its pores with plastic, making it cough with pollution and greenhouse gases. Its time for us all to be the good, health giving bacteria, the pro and prebiotics that add health to the world, not something that is trying to kill it off.

No doubt that when this is over there will be calls to push ahead with growth, to make up for lost time. But can we in all conscience accept that? Maybe we should choose our leaders wisely, give them the task of sorting it out? But I think it is in our own hands. We have to say something, not accept the status quo.

 

I wish I was….

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Dancing at a barn dance,

putting up an exhibition,

displaying art on my craft stall.

Walking along the canal,

cycling through the countryside,

taking tea at a posh teashop.

Visiting a castle,

looking out to sea,

feeling the wind in my hair.

I’m glad I’m not

suffering from hunger,

hiding from bombs,

frightened and missing my family.

Too poor to buy medicine,

and all the time oppressed.

I may wish for things,

but I’m lucky to have things.

 

Hot flushes

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Things that you don’t find out when you are young….

Middle aged women suffer from hot flushes (or flashes) as they get older. This is called the Menopause. You can start getting problems when you are perimenopausal. This is when the normal hormones reduce as you age. Women start getting problems like osteoporosis or loss of bone density. It can also cause memory problems.

One thing that can relieve this is HRT or hormone replacement therapy, but this is not widely available. Basically women are just expected to get on with it.

I guess the only advantage is not needing extra layers when it’s cold. At the moment I feel like the central heating is on full blast.. But the radiators are off!

Fell over..

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I was trying  to help move a huge flower pot with an olive tree and a walnut tree growing out of it. My husband was  pulling the pot and I tried to push.. He pulled me over! I crashed into some plants luckily not the concrete. Im glad he was there! I realised I was OK with only a slightly bashed knee. But I don’t have the strength to get up that I once had. I was flailing around on the floor, like the dying fly dance from the 70s or 80s. I managed to turn to my knees then he hauled me to my feet. My knee is a bit sore but it’s the shock and surprise, you feel yourself topple, everything goes sideways. Then it’s shock that you are on the ground. Last time was because a chair leg broke. Then I broke a rib so I count myself lucky today. Its scary enough when you are a child and fall over, when you’re a middle aged, unfit female it can be frightening. X

Choir practice

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I’m off out to choir practice today. Learning new songs, and old ones to different tunes.

I’m sure my mental health has been better since I began going to a choir over ten years ago. It’s good for things like relaxation and concentration. I would recommend it to anyone who nerds some stress busting.

I can be sitting with the choir with no memory if the words or tune. Then almost miraculously they come to me as we start singing. We sing mainly acappella and my voice is most suited to alto and low parts.

We learnt a version of let your little light shine for the Stoke sings choir festival the weekend before last. With words that were appropriate to the cities history of pottery and mining.

I hope we sing it again tonight. It was fun to sing with 600 other people belting out the various parts. It is on YouTube  somewhere.

Life

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The older you are the faster life seems to go. Whether it is because of all the experiences you have had so you know what to expect, or your mind is so used to days flowing into weeks and months….. Its like the song, you turn around and youth has gone, summer turns to autumn and winter.

This year has been one of the best in my life in some ways. My health has been OK, I’m not at work so I don’t feel all the stress I used to, and because I lost weight I have been able to get about better. In contrast time seems to be affecting my partner more. He is still fit, but struggles to stand up and does not exercise as much. I’m sure it’s more to do with putting on weight, but it’s not helping that he is older than me.

I wish I could go back in time and explain what happened to me as I got older and tell myself what mistakes to avoid.

Life goes on, now I’m more thoughtful and perhaps too cautious. More bothered about going on long journeys and even stupid things like driving in the dark.

Life keeps going. I do as I’m told (mostly) by my doctor. I’m lucky at the moment to have health, home and some happiness. I just hope I’m not tempting fate by saying it!