Sleep

Sleep, a wonderful thing. Dreaming of creatures, as long as they aren’t monsters. And if they are monsters then as long as they are friendly ones? My monster is insomnia, when the dreams WON’T come. When the dreams that do appear flit past my eyes for a second and are then gone. Like a butterfly snatched by a cat, or a dragonfly grabbed by a pike. Then awake again I have to watch the seconds click by. Close my eyes and the world swirls sideways. I need rest!

Spoilers

I just started watching an old film ‘the Winslow boy’. Five minutes in hubby pipes up, oh this is that’s story where…… I stopped him, please don’t tell me. I haven’t seen this for years! Doing that is called a spoiler. Thankfully he stopped telling me about it!

It’s not the first time he’s tried, and succeeded in spoiling a film for me. The worst occasion was in the cinema when his voice boomed out, oh its so and so who’s the killer! I was mortified. Shhhhhh!

Crosswords

What have I done today? After getting my results I decided to have a go at the new scientist crossword. Er… Help…. I got quite a lot but what is a US term for a bulrush or reed ace (7)? Or slow motion of earth down a slope (4,5)? I think it’s interesting that a ‘quick’ crossword for scientists is a slow one for me!

My head hurts. I sometimes sneak a look at a crossword clue answers page, but I try not to. Wow, the excitement!

Put the phone down.

Interactive, haptic

Hectic, internetted

Encapsulated, held

Bells and whistles

Too connected!

Now my projects done

I’m having fun

But it’s to seductive

All those screens

You and him and me

Chatting and liking

Dose of dopamine

Eyes go funny

Arm aches

Fingers droop

But still I type.

Put the phone down

Disconnect…..

Freedom!

Talking to people?

I love painting but I find it hard to sell. My mind sometimes goes into panic mode and I say strange things instead of pleasantries. I can hear my voice coming out with odd comments, about someone’s walking stick, or immesaying I will discount the price of a print when they have barely looked at it. Today was odd and difficult. It’s been a long time since I have had to talk to people about my art. I was not fluent with my thoughts. I was nervous, sometimes tounge tied. As the number of people increased it got worse. My throat got dry. I wanted to talk but I just stayed silent. It was better towards the end, but I’m an artist not a saleswoman. Anxiety and covid make it harder.

Kaleidoscope

Kaleidoscope or Mandala using a sketch app on my phone, I think as I draw I try and create an interesting and satisfying pattern. You don’t know what you will end up with when you start, but I think it does help relax you. The app allows you to draw symmetrical patterns by repeating one line over and over again round a circle. I love playing with apps.

Masked

I was just stopped in the street by a woman who said ‘you know there’s no one around?’ I looked about me and said ‘yes I can see that’. Then she said ‘so you don’t need a mask’ I looked at her. Why tell me this when I had just forgotten to take it off, but why did it matter to her? Then she said ‘it might make it difficult for you to breathe with carbon Dioxide building up behind it.’

Oh I really wanted to say something, like ‘oh dear, so many people collapsing after wearing a mask for more than five minutes!’ or ‘ they are permiable to air, they just stop viruses’. But I bit my lip under my mask and said ‘no I’m OK. I’m used to wearing a mask at night, I have sleep aponea’. ‘Oh that OK then’ she said. I said ‘goodnight’ and walked off. But then called back ‘I’m still cautious about covid’. Perhaps people belive it’s over? But it’s my choice to wear a mask.

Wrapped up

Wrapped up in my magic phone I can ignore the world. The problems I have, the worries my friends have.

Wrapped up in my magic phone I can focus on the trivial things, the bits that make me smile.

Wrapped up in my magic phone I can watch daft dogs, silly things. Lost kittens in mittens.

Wrapped up in my magic phone I can forget people. Lose the worries, the wars, the poverty.

Wrapped up in my magic phone I am in cotton wool. Insulated nicely against the world.

I must turn it off and put it down. Lose it or let the battery go flat to be free. Maybe? But just another glance can’t hurt…..