Tag: Sad

Tears

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I just came back from choir practice.

We were singing quite a sad song and suddenly things got a bit too much and I found tears in my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. I know I was tired, and my arm was hurting, but I’ve never really done that before. But I stood my ground I could have gone out of the room but I wanted to carry on singing, so I kept my head down, tried to dry my eyes, and kept going.

I’m glad people let me get on with it, I know I would have got even more upset if someone had come over to speak to me and really blubbed! Emotions, it’s bad how they can creep up on you.

Need to catch up

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#bandofsketchers?

What’s happened? I’ve been ill again and I haven’t had the energy or will to draw. I’m behind on these prompts. I have ideas but the sketchpad is across the room and I can’t make myself go and pick it up. I think I’m a bit overwhelmed. I don’t think the cold, wet, grey weather we have been having has helped. Shivering and shaking is not conducive to drawing and sketching. Oh I must not moan, but sometimes you just get stuck. Bad mood and memories don’t help, I guess I’m a bit blocked in my creativity. Sunshine might help.

X

Jetpack installed!

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Installing jetpack was OK but sorting my phone storage out first was the problem. I felt like I was launching my phone at the moon, without a rocket to take it. I knew I would need to free up space as currently my phone is 85% full. But what to uninstall? Which apps are crucial to my phone running properly and which could I delete? I randomly chose a few I rarely use. I still need to upgrade my memory but my phone shop didn’t have the right chip in and needs to order them in. So my dilemma (and I was catastrophising I think) was would things work after I did it. Well clearly it did, but jetpack took a while to install, probably due to the amount of data it had to bring over.

Well I’ve done it. I don’t like the look of it. That’s just because I’m used to the old site. I felt sad uninstalling WordPress, it feels like I have cut ties with it. It’s strange how you become invested in something so ephemeral as a computer app. I hope I get used to this. X

Falcon Works

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Old bottle oven at the falcon works in Stoke. Bushes are growing out of it and the old pottery factory next to it was damaged by fire last year. Its terrible that the industrial heritage of Stoke-on-Trent is gradually crumbling. It should be renovated and reused, but it will probably be allowed to fall down. But there is no money, there is no support, there is no hope for these buildings I think. A few years ago it was suggested it could be a museum but I think the local residents opposed it because there would be traffic issues. I wish there was a chance that the dereliction could be stopped!

Film theatre

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I just read a post on Instagram about the problems the Film Theatre at Staffordshire University is having to deal with before it can reopen after covid. I wrote a response because this independent cinema had a great impact on my understanding and appreciation of films. Here is what I said.

I used to love coming to the film theatre. You could see films that made you question your beliefs, challenged your thoughts, tickled your imagination! It seems mad that it’s not open. I first saw a film there in 1979 and it was also used for the film studies part of the Fine Art Ba(hons). My hubby came to a projectionist course and learned how to project the reels and know when to change them. It’s sad you are having these problems.

Still light

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5pm sky. Less than a month after the shortest day, and this afternoon I noticed there was still light in the sky after 5pm.

Why does it matter? When I was working and doing a 9 to 5 job I hated starting and finishing the day in the dark, particularly in the evening.

There was an experiment in the 1960’s when the UK kept British Summer time throughout the year. It only lasted for about three years, but it was much better to walk home from school in daylight. The Royal Society for the prevention of accidents? (I think), worked out it was safer for children because in the evening people were tired and there were less accidents when children were more visible when walking home.

For me, when it starts to get lighter in the evening I feel less gloomy, my spirits lift. I’m pretty sure I don’t suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. (SAD). I can’t imagine how bad it must be for people that do.

Now I’m looking forward to Spring despite the rest of the winter to come.

Walking

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Two years ago I was walking almost every day to get fit. Then I pulled a calf muscle and my walking buddy got ill. I was stuck for a while because I wasn’t able to put much weight on my leg without it feeling like it was going to snap again. I ended up not walking very far. I tried to get back into it. But then illness and loss got to me. I ended the year with a chest infection. Now I have seen this and hubby has been walking I think I need to start again. There is no reason why I can’t if I try once I’m well again.

Cycling

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I was thinking about when I used to cycle several years ago. I used to be able to ride for miles. Unfortunately I was knocked off my bike and sustained a head injury. When I recovered I carried on cycling, but I did not know the brazing on the front of the bike had been damaged. I was cycling up a hill when the headset and down tube seperated. The front wheel bent forward and the forks collapsed!

I decided to have the bike repaired as I only have short legs, I’d tried getting a new bike, but it wasn’t the right size or shape of frame. Unfortunately the bike shop I took my bike to was a little disorganised. They lost the frame for a year. I didn’t have a bike, so I took driving lessons. By the time I got the bike back I had a job that I had to commute to, so I used the bike less and less. I eventually gave up. I keep thinking I will try and get on my bike again, but my hips and back are too stiff…. Life, sometimes it really gets you down.

Felt OK

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Last night I went out to choir practice for the first time in several weeks. I wrote this gratitude about it when I got home. When I got there I couldn’t help crying, but a friend came over and calmed me down. We are now the mystery singers for the Christmas season so we were singing songs like Gaudete and Sweet Chiming Bells. Finally we sang While Shepherds watched their flocks by night to the tune of on Ilkley Moor Bah’tat, (although the Carol song might have come first?). By the end of the night I felt OK. So I am very glad I went.