Gone, not gone?

My heart hurts

I miss you so much

I stroke your shadow

In my imagination

The way you purred

And pranced

Jumped high

Balanced like a gymnast

My podgy puddy cat

Leaned back and looked up

Paw high

Reaching

Waiting to nuzzle my hand

My memories

My dreams

You are still there.

Like Schrodinger’s Cat

Gone, not gone?

Lingering

Not come home.

I still don’t know where my cat has gone. We went for a walk yesterday evening with our cat carrier. If we saw him in someone’s window or garden we were going to knock on their door and demand they give him back!

Sadly that didn’t happen. I feel more and more despondent. There is an empty space in the house and in my mind. The way he ran up and jumped on the back of the settee with a purrow! The way he came into the bathroom in the morning and greeted me with head butt’s and cheek rubs. I miss him. Hubby misses him. If he has died because of his heart condition I want to be able to say goodbye.

Sorry, just so sad….

Losing friends

When you open up Facebook you don’t expect to hear that a friend has passed away. Someone who I admired. A good artist and a compassionate and sensitive man.

I guess I would rather find out than not know at all. Waiting to see if he would post new art, or a post about how he was feeling. He went missing for a couple of months about two years ago. He eventually turned up and everything turned out OK.

Now, I don’t know. I guess I’m glad I met him on a website and saw his art, he lived in a different country so we were never going to meet up. But that doesn’t matter, he was a very good artist and was a thoughtful person.

I lost another friend in a similar way last year. This was a woman from overseas. Another artist.

The internet allows people who would never normally meet to find each other. At least I’ve found out what has happened. Feeling very sad.

I miss my Mom

I miss my Mom, its been around ten years since she died, but I often wish I could just phone her up for advice. I did a painting of her in 2008 and I just did this sketch from it. I can see so many mistakes. I need to set an easle up. Trying to draw while holding the painting… Tired arms…

The best thing are her eyes, they are right…

Grey woman

Hallucination, dream, ghost?

At 3am on Halloween morning he awoke to see a figure by the bed. Still, silent, watching him. He blinked and it was gone. But it’s memory stuck in his mind. A grey haired tall woman. Middle aged, quite slender. He sat up and looked all round the room, but the only noise was the tick of the clock and the hum of the central heating. There was no place to hide in the small single bedroom. Not even any curtains to hide behind, with a telltale shoe sticking out. He doubted anyone could squeeze behind venetian blinds…..

Eventually sleep dragged him down into its arms again. Then when he was settled, the figure pushed through the wall and back next to him again. Eyes staring, never blinking, a look of sadness on her face. Never knowing her grandson till now. Knowing it was his last night on earth. One minute here… Tick… The next.. Gone.

Time

Time flies so fast, and yet it takes forever. When I think of time, I think of Miss Haversham in Great Expectations, still waiting for love years after she was meant to be married, covered in cobwebs, locked into one moment of time. Time is seasons, the change from warm to cold to warm again, some years hotter or colder than others. But the world does not just move on its own. The Sun moves too. Circulating over billions of years around the Galaxy. And then the Galaxy is moving away from other Galaxies. The Universe is expanding. But time is a constant. Einsteins well known equation is E=MC2. E is energy, M is Mass, C2 is the Speed of light squared. Or 186,000 x186,000 miles per second. Time and Space are tangled up with each other somehow. I don’t know why or how. But its mysterious, it trickles through your fingers like sand. Disappearing and appearing. It makes me think….

I miss them…

IMG_20200203_123557_302

One if the worst things about the Internet is when people disappear and you don’t know where they have gone.

I have ‘lost’ a few people here recently. Perhaps it’s a new year and they have cancelled their membership, or decided blogging isn’t for them. Some of them had become friends, or I’d invested some time in reading their blogs. Some explained that this wasn’t working and they were going, others just disappeared. I can’t help saying I miss them. One person passed away. I knew she had been ill and I was sad to find out she was gone. At least there was a message put on her page to say she had died. I could grieve. But sometimes there is nothing, they become ghosts in my memory, sitting there, with no explanation. Then there are people who’s pages on Facebook are still open despite having died two or three years ago. Each time I see their faces on my friends list I feel sorrow, and yet it would feel wrong to ‘unfollow’ them. What to do. The etiquette of the Internet.. We need to learn.

Brexit.. Done

DSC_2421_optimized (3)

At 11.00pm (23.00hrs), Britain left the European Union. After a day that had been grey and drizzly, and a day I felt infinitely sad.

I did not vote for leaving the EU. But about 70% of the people in this area did, do I guess I expected rock and roll bands and masses of fireworks?

Instead we got about ten minutes loud music from the local pub, followed by a minutes fireworks at 10.58pm, then silence… A nice damp squib.

Other friends have posted statuses which sound similar. Perhaps people have become inured to it. Maybe they realise they are cutting off their noses to spite their faces….. As my hubby Sat’s, this world will go on…..