Trying to enjoy

My mind is muddled,

My thoughts are muddied

My intentions busy

But ideas are muzzy…

Such a joyous time of year

To enjoy, with good cheer

Or so they say, and so I wish

To drink and eat a tasty dish

To share love far and wide.

But also remember those that died?

For they are here no longer, live

And for their memory we will strive.

We cannot follow where they’ve gone

We can only know their life is done.

So sad and sweet my thoughts entangled,

To relax my mind I’ll try to wrangle.

I can not say about it, more,

I do not want to be a bore.

I can only think of farewells

Then listen to midnight bells

And listen to the Christmas carols

Sung by all of heavens heralds.

Enough of this

Peace is my wish.

Cyclamen

A rescue from my sisters house. A pink cyclamen plant in flower. It fits in with the Christmas cactii, a similar shade of pink. I can’t find another place for it because there are radiators under the windows so they are only really good for germinating seedlings.

I would have bought all her other plants home with me to look after, it’s sad to think they are all sitting there in her house, in the cold. It’s sad I won’t speak to her on Christmas day, I won’t be able to share my thoughts, ask how things are going. Be interested in her family. Still, I will look at the Cyclamen and remember.

I don’t like football

No point in pretending

That I love the game

I understand the offside rule

I can explain it

But why should I?

I admired England’s Women

Playing in the European Cup

That was refreshing.

But Premier league?

Expensive, over hyped, boring,

Is my opinion.

And the World Cup venue?

Inequality and slave labour?

A Man’s paradise

Where women are second class

Rainbows are rebuked

Sports washing is preventing

Real freedoms.

Enough said.

My sister, Farewell

It’s social media so I’m not sharing her whole face or naming her. But she had a good Farewell yesterday, kind words and thoughts. We seperated in late teenage hood as I left home to go to college. We went in different directions, I think she had a more romantic view of life and she had an almost fairy tale history (married with two children). I won’t talk much about her world, I don’t want to share too much personal information. We were seperated by many miles, but the bond was still there. I wish we had been closer and visited more. Bereavement is full of regret. I do regret, but I don’t feel guilty.

Twins again

Twins on the TV, twins in conversations, twins on the Internet. It’s like the universe knows what’s going on, and bereavement too, so sad that there are so many loses. Each one gouges another piece from my heart. The smoke alarm went off a couple of mornings ago. I want cooking and there are no sockets or electrical equipment near to it. The only thing I could think of was to check the Internet. False alarms are caused by high humidity or maybe a small spider sneaking inside the alarm! Or my mind telling me my sister is haunting me? I’d rather see her in a dream, to properly say goodbye. I’m sad, but I have to accept what has happened.

Feeling hot

It’s a cool day, and we don’t have the heating on, but I feel hot. I’m wearing a jumper so that might be the cause, but my guts ache too. I hope I’m not ill. I haven’t eaten anything strange, I made a nice chicken and pasta meal last night and it was thoroughly cooked. Basically lots of vegetables, some tomato pasta sauce, two small chicken breasts (apologies to vegetarians) and some multi coloured pasta. Tonight we are going to have pizza so I guess I’m in an Italian mood?

Other symptoms? I think the lethargy I’m feeling is still from sadness. It’s taking me a while to get over things. Maybe my immune system is a bit low? Or perhaps that’s just me guessing. Meanwhile life goes on. I’ll get a cup of tea and maybe doze for a while. The cat has just come up to say hello…

Crying

Doodle, art, thinking.

Yes those are some of the tags I’m using for this. Then sadness, black and white, lines, drawing.

I had some sad news today, a reason behind what happened to someone. A shape to the hurt. Knowing is not a resolution, and it’s just made me sadder. So I will keep making art and trying to distract myself. That’s all I can do.