You were in that play
Playing on the monitor
From ten years ago
Still strong
Still vigorous
You portrayed a viking
From olden times
You gave your all
And tears drenched my face
How to go on
Without your embrace?
I saw you
Tag: Sadness
Random…
Random memories
Random memories get at me… things only he used to do.. Why is the drill on top of the cupboard out of my reach? Did he know the answer to that university challenge question? I don’t recognise the different types of steam trains and can’t ask.. Long gone memories surface. What was his opinion about the latest political issues? 43 years then gone.. Lost, only in my memory…
He is still in my minds eye, a little corner of my brain grips tight and holds on.. He won’t go without a fight, and I don’t want to argue with him.
He would have been annoyed today, the pump sprang a leak in the airing cupboard and when I came downstairs there was half an inch of water on the floor…. Now I’ve got just one cold water tap and the kettle… But he would have sorted it out….
I miss him…
A couple of days off…
A few days ago it would have been my hubby’s birthday. He is not here anymore and I felt too sad to blog here. Also my phone is playing up so I might struggle to post till I get a new battery, which means finding somewhere to do that. I don’t want a replacement for my phone (or hubby). I prefer to get things fixed if I can.
My hubby was not fixable, I can’t tell you how much I wish things had been different. I still feel lost without him. I think grief is not controllable, you have to go with its ways, sometimes succumbing to the pain…. Despite wanting to make it go away. I just want to remember him always, even if I do feel blue….
Paw print
When I got up this morning there was a letter on the mat. I opened it and it was a sympathy card from the vets who had treated my poorly cat a couple of weeks ago, and eventually had to put him to sleep.
It was so kind, they said they could see we had a close bond and that I cared very much for my cat. I am so sad but proud that they felt this and had taken the time to write to me. I will treasure his pawprint forever.
Two years (almost)
If I wait a day or two
My tears will flow
Again
Two times around the sun.
Millions of miles away from me.
Energy evaporated
Thoughts dissipated
My memory is all
That holds you
A ghostly shape
3d nothingness
Grasping for you
In my sleep.
Such a robust person,
Lost and gone.
No more conversations…
Gone.
Gon
Go
G
….
Tomorrow is today
On our honeymoon we went caving! Today would have been our anniversary. When I thought of writing this it was our anniversary eve but I fell asleep and only just remembered to post something….
Time flies when you’re feeling sad. It rolls along leaving you behind. I keep imagining what things would have been like if he was still alive. Being on your own means having no one to discuss problems with. Yes I’ve got friends but it’s not the same. We went through a lot together. I wish we still could.
He’s still here
Kneading my knees
Poddling I call it,
Old cat is keen to stay.
I don’t want him to go away.
His life is ebbing
Slowly by
Like a tide moving out
Taking his memory
In its grip.
No more head bumps
No more nuzzles
An empty space expected
Soon.
A bit better
He looks like a kitten
Out in the sunshine
Flowers surround him
Lion hearted kitty
So full of life
But now in shadow.
Cats should be infinite
Beings of magic
Limitless
But as they say
*all good cats must come to an end”
Nine lives almost used up.
I can’t believe he will be gone.
Heat
I’m sitting hoping the night will cool down. The backdoor is open and a couple of moths have come in. I’m watching an appropriate film “in the heat of the night”, set in the deep south of the USA. It’s about a black detective and a racist white policeman trying to solve a murder against the racial tensions of the 1960s. Somehow they manage to work together despite their differences. It’s very tense and thought provoking. I think people ought to watch it in these troubled times. I’ve seen it several times. We are so inhumane to people who just look different. It’s crazy.
Watching
The world watches
ICE tendrils grip my heart
I could never visit this place
Antipathy to dictatorship
Not allowed now.
Colour matters
And causes fear and loathing.
Even the first settlers are abused.
Arrived before Europeans
And yet told to leave?
How many generations
Before you are allowed to stay?
All Glory to the Presiclown…?
No way.
Mallaband-Brown 