Random…

Posted on April 11, 2026April 11, 2026 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged Cupboard, drill, Flood, Hubby, Leak, Life, Loss, random memories, Sadness, Time, WaterLeave a comment

Random memories

Random memories get at me… things only he used to do.. Why is the drill on top of the cupboard out of my reach? Did he know the answer to that university challenge question? I don’t recognise the different types of steam trains and can’t ask.. Long gone memories surface. What was his opinion about the latest political issues? 43 years then gone.. Lost, only in my memory…

He is still in my minds eye, a little corner of my brain grips tight and holds on.. He won’t go without a fight, and I don’t want to argue with him.

He would have been annoyed today, the pump sprang a leak in the airing cupboard and when I came downstairs there was half an inch of water on the floor…. Now I’ve got just one cold water tap and the kettle… But he would have sorted it out….

I miss him…

A couple of days off…

Posted on April 4, 2026 Posted in Uncategorized, Sketching, MemoriesTagged ArtRage app, Battery, Blue, Grief, Hubby, Life, Memory, Phone, Sadness, Sketch, Time, time off2 Comments

A few days ago it would have been my hubby’s birthday. He is not here anymore and I felt too sad to blog here. Also my phone is playing up so I might struggle to post till I get a new battery, which means finding somewhere to do that. I don’t want a replacement for my phone (or hubby). I prefer to get things fixed if I can.

My hubby was not fixable, I can’t tell you how much I wish things had been different. I still feel lost without him. I think grief is not controllable, you have to go with its ways, sometimes succumbing to the pain…. Despite wanting to make it go away. I just want to remember him always, even if I do feel blue….

Paw print

Posted on February 23, 2026 Posted in Cat, Memories, UncategorizedTagged Black and white cat, Cat, Grief, Loss, paw print, Sadness, Sympathy, Tuxedo cat, Unexpected6 Comments

When I got up this morning there was a letter on the mat. I opened it and it was a sympathy card from the vets who had treated my poorly cat a couple of weeks ago, and eventually had to put him to sleep.

It was so kind, they said they could see we had a close bond and that I cared very much for my cat. I am so sad but proud that they felt this and had taken the time to write to me. I will treasure his pawprint forever.

Two years (almost)

Posted on November 29, 2025November 29, 2025 Posted in Fine Art, Memories, UncategorizedTagged Death, Gone, Life, Loss, Memories, mend him, Orbit, Poem, Poetry, Sadness, Time, Two years1 Comment

If I wait a day or two

My tears will flow

Again

Two times around the sun.

Millions of miles away from me.

Energy evaporated

Thoughts dissipated

My memory is all

That holds you

A ghostly shape

3d nothingness

Grasping for you

In my sleep.

Such a robust person,

Lost and gone.

No more conversations…

Gone.

Gon

….

Tomorrow is today

Posted on October 4, 2025 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged Anniversary, caving, Gone, Life, Memory, problems shared, Sadness, Thinking, Time2 Comments

On our honeymoon we went caving! Today would have been our anniversary. When I thought of writing this it was our anniversary eve but I fell asleep and only just remembered to post something….

Time flies when you’re feeling sad. It rolls along leaving you behind. I keep imagining what things would have been like if he was still alive. Being on your own means having no one to discuss problems with. Yes I’ve got friends but it’s not the same. We went through a lot together. I wish we still could.

He’s still here

Posted on October 1, 2025 Posted in Cat, Memories, UncategorizedTagged Black and white cat, Cat, ebbing, Life, Loss, Poem, Poetry, Sadness, tide, Tuxedo cat2 Comments

Kneading my knees

Poddling I call it,

Old cat is keen to stay.

I don’t want him to go away.

His life is ebbing

Slowly by

Like a tide moving out

Taking his memory

In its grip.

No more head bumps

No more nuzzles

An empty space expected

Soon.

A bit better

Posted on September 25, 2025 Posted in Cat, Memories, UncategorizedTagged Black and white cat, Cat, endings, Flowers, infinite, Poem, Poetry, Sadness, Tuxedo cat3 Comments

He looks like a kitten

Out in the sunshine

Flowers surround him

Lion hearted kitty

So full of life

But now in shadow.

Cats should be infinite

Beings of magic

Limitless

But as they say

*all good cats must come to an end”

Nine lives almost used up.

I can’t believe he will be gone.

Heat

Posted on August 11, 2025 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged 1960's film, Equality, History, Hot, in the heat of the night, Life, movie, People, Race, SadnessLeave a comment

I’m sitting hoping the night will cool down. The backdoor is open and a couple of moths have come in. I’m watching an appropriate film “in the heat of the night”, set in the deep south of the USA. It’s about a black detective and a racist white policeman trying to solve a murder against the racial tensions of the 1960s. Somehow they manage to work together despite their differences. It’s very tense and thought provoking. I think people ought to watch it in these troubled times. I’ve seen it several times. We are so inhumane to people who just look different. It’s crazy.

Watching

Posted on June 9, 2025 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged America, Life, Poem, Poetry, Questioning, Sadness, stay away, Thinking, Time, Visit, Why?Leave a comment

The world watches

ICE tendrils grip my heart

I could never visit this place

Antipathy to dictatorship

Not allowed now.

Colour matters

And causes fear and loathing.

Even the first settlers are abused.

Arrived before Europeans

And yet told to leave?

How many generations

Before you are allowed to stay?

All Glory to the Presiclown…?

No way.

Doom scrolling

Posted on May 30, 2025 Posted in UncategorizedTagged doom scrolling, Internet, Life, Phone, Poem, Poetry, reposting, Sadness, Thinking, viewingLeave a comment

I keep picking my phone up

Looking at the screen

A blip of endorphins?

Another look…

Gradually it builds

Mallaband-Brown

Tag: Sadness