I keep picking my phone up
Looking at the screen
A blip of endorphins?
Another look…
Gradually it builds
More reading
More reposting
Soon I’m overwhelmed
So much sadness, evil,
No compassion.
It hurts
Stop
Now
!!!
Doom scrolling
Tag: Sadness
VE celebrations
80 years ago, on the 8th of May 1945, Hitler was defeated in the second world war. But that was only in Europe, the war actually ended on 2nd September of the same year when Japan surrendered.
It’s significant that it is the 80th year as it is probably the last time that many veterans from the war will be able to celebrate it because if they were 21 (start of adulthood) when they joined up they would be 101 or older now.
Memories fade but this is a way to remember the joy of the ending of the conflict, although not for everyone. We should remember those that were injured or wounded, either in the military or civilian. Those that were made homeless or those that lost relatives and friends. I’m glad and sad in equal measure.
Gemini
Twin gone over two years
Memories fade away
I don’t want to miss her
I want her back
Too much loss
Fed up
I don’t know
What to do?
Digital drawing does not represent either me or my sister..
I’ll never see Cardiff
We used to dream of visiting Cardiff
The Welsh capital city
Where you went to Uwist university
But I was getting ill
I couldn’t drive there
And your anxiety held me still
We’d go next summer
Before it was too late
But we ran out of time
That was our fate
Never to see the city
Where you studies science
Now there is no visit
Only cold silence.
Light, Esther’s prompt.
Esther Chiltons weekly prompt was light. As I’m feeling rather sad it bought out a feeling of regret in me:
Light, a rainbow effect, but black? Darkness, hidden, lonely. Why do I want to sit hidden in the dark as the days sparkle around me? Is this my fate? I need to escape into light, but by the time my sad thoughts allow me it will probably be raining. We have been singing “this little light of mine” at choir recently. I need a glimmer of hope. X
Alone
You birthday was today
But there is no voice
No laughter
No sudden shout
Of annoyance or glee.
You were here, then gone
Lost in space
Not forgotten by me
But gone from the world
We always held hands
Grasping our dreams
Let’s go out
Take a trip?
Now I stay still
Remembering but not visiting
Still waiting
For your non return.
Writing group prompt: A love poem?
You hold my heart in your hands.
Squeeze a little and my heart burns.
Squeeze a lot? Somersaults.
The thumping steadies.
I need blood pressure medication.
Once many years ago we met.
First sight love?
No, it took a while.
No dancing bliss.
I almost gave you a miss.
My first kiss? Shy.
Then you were my guy.
But once it started.
Love and happiness grew.
Blossomed in Spring.
Flowered in summer.
Was gentle in autumn.
But flew away and was lost in winter.
Now love and greif mix.
I can imagine no one else.
But you.
Alone
I look at the bedroom window and see my hubbys cask of ashes there. I tell him it’s a sunny day and I wish he was here. It’s been a while since I’ve felt this low, and I’ve spent most of the day in silence. I spoke to a neighbour and had a brief chat, but that was like a tiny sticking plaster trying to cover over a deep gash in my flesh. It was never going to hold for long.
I’m sitting quietly, the TV is on. I just watched a show where a nurse recently lost her husband in an accident and the tears started filling me up. Like an ocean overtopping flood defences. Now I feel tired out and just overwhelmed with sadness. I need to get out, but I won’t ask anyone. I need to talk but I’m struck dumb, I need to feel better but I feel so low. I’m saying these things here to get them off my shoulders and mind. Things have got to improve, they must.
Worry
How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?
I was going along, minding my own business, when things started to go wrong. You know that you want to carry on the same way as you have done for decades, but it’s impossible.
Life is a process of getting older, bits don’t exactly drop off, but they stop working properly. Illness and health can have a massive impact. Sometimes you can feel better, other times you feel worse and that causes problems and pressure to deal with.
Youth is a wonderful thing but it’s over so soon and we don’t appreciate it until its gone. The trouble is, if you enjoy your youth you might not last to see old age!
I want to go
To Wales, and the lake district, and Scarborough, and Devon and Dorset. All the places I’ve been on holiday in my life. I want to ESCAPE! Get to beautiful places, see the coast, the mountains, get out of the city.
I can’t get away to the sea and sky. My mind won’t let me, my arms won’t let me, my legs won’t let me. I get worried, I think of things that might happen. I need to have company. Isn’t that strange? When I had my hubby we went everywhere together. Now he’s gone there is no one to reassure me. To make it safe. I’m fed up. Anxious, frustrated, lost, fearful.
Sorry to go on.
Mallaband-Brown 