My sister, Farewell

It’s social media so I’m not sharing her whole face or naming her. But she had a good Farewell yesterday, kind words and thoughts. We seperated in late teenage hood as I left home to go to college. We went in different directions, I think she had a more romantic view of life and she had an almost fairy tale history (married with two children). I won’t talk much about her world, I don’t want to share too much personal information. We were seperated by many miles, but the bond was still there. I wish we had been closer and visited more. Bereavement is full of regret. I do regret, but I don’t feel guilty.

Twins again

Twins on the TV, twins in conversations, twins on the Internet. It’s like the universe knows what’s going on, and bereavement too, so sad that there are so many loses. Each one gouges another piece from my heart. The smoke alarm went off a couple of mornings ago. I want cooking and there are no sockets or electrical equipment near to it. The only thing I could think of was to check the Internet. False alarms are caused by high humidity or maybe a small spider sneaking inside the alarm! Or my mind telling me my sister is haunting me? I’d rather see her in a dream, to properly say goodbye. I’m sad, but I have to accept what has happened.

I can’t talk

There’s people I need to speak to, but as the days go on I get less likely to reach out. Its like I’m encapsulating myself against the whole world. Retreating into myself, hiding away? So nothing else can hurt me. Keeping busy where I have to, but really all I want is to put my head under the covers and escape from the world. Self protection, I hope it’s not selfishness. I don’t know if I will feel better soon. Am I being lazy? No, definitely not. Just torn apart.

Up and down

At the moment I’m up and down. One minute trying to plan things, the next remembering what has happened. Disbelief is my main emotion. That and loss. I feel like writing things down is helping a bit, so I’m here, blogging and sharing my thoughts. I hope that’s OK for people. I’m gradually working things out, grateful that I have hubby, friends and family there for support. When you lose a relative it’s a shock. I have cried, I will cry again, how long for, I don’t know. Its turmoil and chaos sometimes, then I calm down for a while. X

And still it goes on.

On 24th of February this year Vladimir Putin said he didn’t want to annex parts of Ukraine πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦, and yet now he’s trying to set up referendums to get the areas he’s taken over to vote to be absorbed into Russia. He can then threaten Ukraine more if they try and take those areas back.

Meanwhile victims of Russias torture and killing are being found in the areas in the North East of Ukraine that have been liberated. Innocent civilians that had their hands bound behind their back and were shot in the head. Or the survivors that were beaten or electrocuted. The loss that they and their relatives must feel must far outweigh any normal grieving? The world is awful. May this terrible war end soon.

The Queue for the Queen

The Queen is lying in state in Westminster Hall with Guards at each corner of the dias where her coffin sits draped in the Royal standard. She has been there since Thursday and the public are filing past in solemn mourning. A queue up to five miles long as been moving slowly through London while people wait to view the Monarch. The start of the queue was suspended for a while as there were too many people joining it. At one stage they were saying it would take twenty two hours to reach Westminster Hall. It is continuing to move night and day, and will run until the last people are allowed to view the lying in state at six thirty am on Monday 19th September. After that the queue will be closed and will have to disperse because the State Funeral will take place. Such a sad and solemn occasion.

More deaths and attacks

A news photo from a few weeks ago from Ukraine

More cruise missiles rained down on Kiev in Ukraine today. The representative from the UN had been visiting, but Russia doesn’t seem to care. President Putin seems obsessed by getting a ‘victory’ by 9th of May. His attacks on Ukraine are despicable. Thousands of people have been wounded and many killed, some are forcably taken to Russia. Beatings and shootings abound and Russian soldiers are digging up the dead to mutilate the bodies and burn them so they cannot be identified. War crimes are being committed. His cutting off gas supplies to Poland is threatening to expand the conflict. He might try and attack Transnistria next. He is being expansionist and is acting like a spoilt boy. Russians can’t get truth because opposition is being stifled with thousands of people being arrested and put in prison. So anyway, that was my rant for today. I pray for peace. I fear more death raining down.