I’m not a doctor

Do you have a quote you live your life by or think of often?

I’m not a doctor, but I always think in situations you should ‘first do no harm’. That is something I try and live by. Even when I’m tempted to do something. That said I am no saint. I get angry like anyone else. But you have to try not to get to upset. I wouldn’t hurt anyone, hit anyone, although as I’ve got older I do swear at, or about people. Thankfully that can’t physically harm, although mentally it might hit home?

One of the problems, still, with social media, is the lack of nuance. What is written is in black and white… There are no grey areas unless you create them in your words. For a long time on one particular site a person was being very antagonistic towards me, everything I said seemed wrong to them. We lived in different countries with different traditions and we couldn’t seem to agree on what was the best way to cooperate… I thought I must find a way so I found an important symbol in that country and did a complicated and detailed drawing of it and offered it as an olive branch. Luckily it worked and things became much more harmonious afterwards, we even became friends.

I guess all I can say is try and be diplomatic if you can. You should still tell the truth, but in a constructive way, and try and do no harm. I think hurting someone can only come back and bite you!

Before an Exhibition

When do you feel most productive?

Something stirs inside me about a fortnight before I have an exhibition of my art (it doesn’t happen very often). I’ve probably had seven or eight solo exhibitions in my life and some group ones.

Suddenly I get the urge to create and I can produce several paintings in a very short time. It doesn’t matter what the subject is, I become very concentrated on what I want to produce. It’s like time changes and I can be working till 3 or 4 in the morning without realising how time is flying (is this flow?). At other times I feel less able to create, the switch hasn’t tripped inside my mind I guess.

Productivity has to have a reason. I need to be motivated to get work done. Every day I do a little bit of art, so over the years I must have been very productive, but now with my health I am slowing down. Something I could do quickly takes more time. I feel that, it makes me sad and annoyed with myself. I really want to turn the clock back a few years, but I guess that’s not going to happen, so I’ll keep trying to carry on. I use different media and have recently tried charcoal and pastels as well as my usual acrylic paint on canvas.

Teary eyed

I found this on my phone and once again remembered. Those thoughts came back again, sadness, guilt, loss. To lose a sister, it’s not right. When it’s a twin it might be worse. I don’t know. But as our birthday approaches, will I be OK? I somehow feel this should be both of us. I want to get to my next birthday, but the idea seems wrong. I will keep going but I’m not sure I will be happy on that day. And it’s not just me, it’s the rest of the family. I guess we will wait and see…. Sorry to post this but I couldn’t get the idea out of my mind.

A hard definition…

Which aspects do you think makes a person unique?

What flame or glimmer of character makes a person unique? I guess everyone has their own foibles, that could be size or shape, colour or religion or none of the above. If identical twins can have their own thoughts and ideas then everyone has the ability to be unique if they are allowed to be.

Most of all I think it is in the mind that the unique aspect lies, nature versus nurture is the phrase that people use, but life is chaotic, it twists and turns, there may really be a multiverse out there where every step in one direction or another changes the outcome of a person’s life, but some of it has to be down to how they think and react? How else can you explain the diametrically opposite results that can occur in families, or how sometimes similarities between non related people happen? All I can say is its good to be unique!

Keeping warm

Oil heaters to help keep warm

Supply some heat through the storm

With a heating radiator seized

These give off heat and I’m pleased

To keep comfy, snug and warm

They really work like a charm

But how I wish we didn’t have

A draughty house like a cave

That doesn’t really rhyme, I know

But poems about heating are low

On my list of things to write

Especially when the bill gives a fright!

A choice of light and heating?

Or having food for eating!

Trying to enjoy

My mind is muddled,

My thoughts are muddied

My intentions busy

But ideas are muzzy…

Such a joyous time of year

To enjoy, with good cheer

Or so they say, and so I wish

To drink and eat a tasty dish

To share love far and wide.

But also remember those that died?

For they are here no longer, live

And for their memory we will strive.

We cannot follow where they’ve gone

We can only know their life is done.

So sad and sweet my thoughts entangled,

To relax my mind I’ll try to wrangle.

I can not say about it, more,

I do not want to be a bore.

I can only think of farewells

Then listen to midnight bells

And listen to the Christmas carols

Sung by all of heavens heralds.

Enough of this

Peace is my wish.

Twins again

Twins on the TV, twins in conversations, twins on the Internet. It’s like the universe knows what’s going on, and bereavement too, so sad that there are so many loses. Each one gouges another piece from my heart. The smoke alarm went off a couple of mornings ago. I want cooking and there are no sockets or electrical equipment near to it. The only thing I could think of was to check the Internet. False alarms are caused by high humidity or maybe a small spider sneaking inside the alarm! Or my mind telling me my sister is haunting me? I’d rather see her in a dream, to properly say goodbye. I’m sad, but I have to accept what has happened.

My muddled brain

Flashing like a beacon, connected in all different directions, emotions bursting out into the world. Thoughts spiralling. Pain, anxiety, calm, hope, dreams, fear, sadness all mingles. If I can find a thread to pull me through all of the entangled ideas. The tears keep falling.

Today I reached out and so many people reached back to me. I feel overwhelmed with their support. I need to hope things will improve. I think the friends I have made that hope more real.