Off to bed I’d better go, Not been sleeping well you know. Now my head will hit the pillow, Dreams arrive, and nightmares billow. Give me sleep to round the day, Make it sweet not cruel or fey. A deep and dream less sleep I crave, Like one beneath the very grave. To wake anew to summers day. And hope my hayfever keeps well away!
Something I found in my Facebook memories. I still have trouble sleeping. But it’s not THIS bad!
Old lemons in a cracked and crazed bowl, observational drawing, it’s 1.35am on a Thursday morning, what else would I be doing? Next I’m going to watch the joy of painting with Bob Ross…. What a strange life I’m living!
I can’t sleep, so I don’t dream, on the hour every hour, I look at the alarm clock. Tick tock, tick tock. Put the radio on low sometimes. The murmur might send me to sleep, but then it wakes me up if there is serious news or something interesting. Having a cat move in doesn’t help. He wants to go out at odd times. Yowl, miaow, he wakes me up. So another night goes by…
It’s raining heavily in the UK, but that didn’t wake me up. No it was my hubby getting up and making a pot of tea at four am. Then the cat wanted to go out at four thirty. I came downstairs to make a cup of coffee at five. Then as I was deciding whether to snack on a few olives left over in the fridge one of my paintings fell off the wall on the stairs, it came crashing down and shook me up a bit. I checked it over and its OK. But the string had worn through. I think hubby must brush past it on the stairs so I’ve restrung it with some wire this time.
Now I’ve had my coffee (decaff). I’m wondering whether to call the outside cat back inside. There is a forecast for rain turning to snow and ice later in the week…… I’m listening to the news on the radio. Train lines are blocked and flooded….. Do I go on… And they are talking about the end of the Trump era….. Life goes on.
Eyes open, staring at the ceiling, or eyes closed and flashes and patterns inside my eyelids. Curling tight in a ball, shivering with cold. Why did I turn the heating off? Pulling the duvet over my head, hoping the warmth of my breath will bring feeling back to my hands. Its only October but the temperature has dropped. So many nights without proper sleep. Pain and worries mingle, darkness does not enfold me in its arms, but instead picks on my mind. It hurts me, darkness extends into the future. Dawn arrives later every morning. Enveloping me in misery. Stay up, keep the lights on. Speed the night through watching TV.
Only days till Halloween, what is waiting for me? Noise outside again. Is there anyone there? If I could sleep I would be oblivious to it. Oh what can I do?
Can’t sleep and I have an ear worm going round in my head ‘all I need is you, all I need is you, and all I ever knew only you’ all because I’m singing at a choir festival on Saturday and I had to learn the backing tune to our rendition of ‘only you’ by Yazoo.
I’m also panicking because I’m in another choir, also singing, but I can’t even remember the song, let alone the words, for that one. All I can remember is that it’s a song by Robert (Rabie) Burns, because it is Burns night on Saturday, when the wee Haggis is praised….
So, trying to sleep in an armchair, but I can’t get off. They recommend you don’t use screens at night, but I’m bored, listening to a little bit of Radio. Got to be out early. No doubt I will be tired out….
I will go back to bed moaning about how tired I am, to listen to snores from someone who doesn’t have that problem….
Night came out and I didn’t notice, busy doing things, running out of time. Moon and stars are up and shifting sideways, sliding like quick silver across the sky. Two minutes to midnight, almost bedtime. Maybe I’ll sleep tonight. Its January but its too warm. Finding it hard to sleep without throwing the bedding off me. When I’m feeling like this I don’t want the heating on.
Still it’s good to rest. Wake up before dawn. Sleep might come. Day is done.
In the kitchen, just wondering how to get to sleep. Have to wear a breathing mask at night, but when your nose is like a dripping tap things get awkward. You either push the mask aside and blow your nose, while getting the full force of the air coming through the machine like a cool hairdryer on full blast. Or you have to sit up, take the mask off fully and have a big blow, or combine it with getting a drink from the kitchen as your mouth is dry, which seems to encourage more mucus. I’m thinking of getting some hot lemon and honey again. It’s nice and soothing as my throat is sore too. Meanwhile the cat is sleeping in my chair so I don’t want to disturb him. The moon has sailed through the heavens and set and the fridge is making some weird crackling sounds. I guess I will have to listen to that for a bit in case it does something strange. I think it’s just expanding and contracting, it’s always been noisy since we got it. Now I’ve decided to pull it away from the wall a bit more so it gets better air circulation…. In the meantime the land of nod seems further away, my shoulders are tense and I need to go to an appointment at 9.15am. What’s the phrase I’m looking for? Cest la Vie? Something like that.