Woke up late

I must have been tired last night, I didn’t wake up till after two pm this afternoon. I hadn’t slept the night before and it feels like I’m getting no sleep one night and then a decent night the day after. Strategies for trying to sleep, like relaxation, meditation, deep breathing and other techniques don’t seem to work. I think we need a new bed, ours is over twenty five years old and very lumpy. I’ve folded up sheets to stop the springs sticking in me! It’s also a problem with pain. My toes hurt due to gout and having the sheets resting on them is uncomfortable to say the least, so I toss and turn all night and get up too exhausted to stay awake in the day! But I’m going to try and get a new bed maybe…. In any case I must stop moaning about things! I hate insomnia.

Phone call… Grrrr

I was upstairs in bed after a totally sleepless night when my mobile rang. I couldn’t get downstairs in time to answer it, so I checked the number, which was local, so I rang it, but there was an automated answer saying the phone line didn’t take incoming calls. It was from a firm I know, but didn’t say anything except I should contact them (no phone number to ring back on, no message left) annoying but these things happen. But as I went back upstairs the land-line rang. I couldn’t get back down in time. It was the same number. Missed it again. So I’ve stayed up for two hours incase they ring back, but I have no idea who to contact (it’s a very big firm), no information because they didn’t have the courtesy to leave a message and if they have my numbers then they must have my email address too, but no one has tried to contact me on that. I could literally swear! This is not good customer service.

Cats sleep..

Late at night

Cats sleep and I can’t

I almost slept

Then a cat crept

Onto the bed

Laid down on my leg

My leg went to sleep

But I didn’t

Shook off the cat

And came and sat

On my armchair

With a cup of decaff

And a cracker with cheese

I’m really not pleased

Cheesed off in fact

I might try and nap

With a cat on my lap

Or go back to bed

As the dawn breaks red

Another night of cat naps fled…

Beepbeepbeep beep

Unexpected item in the freezer area..

The ice cream is defrosting

Icebergs float past

My glacier is shrinking

Mussels in an icy glaze are thawing

I’ve deleted my icecubes

The TV is not drowning the beeping

In fact the ice water might flood

With teeny tiny icebergs

Floating past…and me

My heart is frozen stone

My dreams destroyed by BLEEPing!

But only a first world problem….

No sleep, yet again.

I lie down and I start to cough, I sit up and it stops, it’s so tiring having this chest infection. It’s a nuisance. I’m feeling a bit better now, but the more it lingers the more it feels like I will never get over it. I fall asleep on my chair in the day, too tired to go out and do anything. I can manage cooking as long as I sit down after I’ve prepared things and let the food simmer. Last night I read a book I’ve almost finished till four am, then I lay down and started to cough. My legs and feet ache. I can’t get comfortable. I also managed to drag my CPAP machine off its shelf as I turned over in bed. It clattered to the floor, still pumping air. I hate it, but it keeps me breathing at night. It’s almost eight am now and I’m sipping a decaff coffee trying to keep my fluid levels up. I’ll probably try and sleep again later but give up by midday. My sleep pattern is awful and no doubt tonight I will sleep more heavily. I can feel my eyes aching in their sockets! Sleep please come.

Insomnia, leave me alone!

Don’t you know I want to sleep. But my feet hurt and my legs ache and twitch. My shoulder and arm shakes. I have to wear a breathing mask. Then just when I get comfortable the snoring starts! I do love him, my hubby, but he also will put a hand on my shoulder and weigh me down. Really heavy handed. It’s almost four in the morning and I’ve been downstairs getting a warm drink. So I’ve got my phone. Mistake. But he unplugged the alarm this morning and I’m not sure if I’ve set it right, so I need to use my phone alarm incase it doesn’t go off. Three hours till I have to get up. Now it’s make me a cup of tea love? Oh I give up.

Toast at 4am

It’s another one of those nights. I lie down to sleep but my thoughts churn. I’m too hot, then too cold. I tried reading but hubby wants the light out, then he starts to snore. I came downstairs to get a drink, decaffeinated coffee, what a thrill?! I decided to treat myself to a slice of toast with hummus. Not very exciting. I know that at this rate it will be afternoon before I get up. One of the cats is on the armchair next to me, paw over his nose, keeping the light from the standard lamp out of his eyes. Oh to be a cat, curling up wherever you can. Warmed in a fur coat that is totally ethical. The house creaks at night, it’s old and not very well made. I think of my sister late at night. My chest does ache, but it might just be the cold I’ve had for the last few days. I guess I’ve got to learn to live with the loss. I’m still mourning her. Maybe tomorrow night I’ll get a better night’s sleep.

Tired out

I finally managed to get to sleep at about 9.30am! Then I slept fitfully till 11am woke up, had a decaff coffee went back to bed and finally got up just before 2pm. What an awful night. I am very tired and I don’t even know if I will be able to get some rest tonight. I don’t want to moan about it. I’ve been in a bad mood today, I’m going to see if I can go to bed early. We will see. Words like shattered, exhausted, insomnia, wrecked, knackered and weary spring to mind.

Sleepless

Sleepless, no dreams to tie my mind down. Only the dull drumming of my pulse in my ear. The ache of a big toe constricted by bed clothes. The air on my face shushing as my CPAP machine quietly stops my palette from collapsing. Aching shoulders gripped with tension. The tiredness continues, but I am awake. I try different ploys, reading by low lamplight until the book thuds to the floor, which generally wakes me up again. Multiple thoughts whirl around my head, they are like several butterflies or fireflies all swirling around. Try and pin one under a finger and another flits off towards the ceiling or the floor. Gouty aches twist my limbs. Was I ever so uncomfortable? I know I need to get up and use the bathroom, stubbornness and the hope of sleeping hold me in place for a few minutes, then I swing my legs out of bed and grapple with my balance before venturing down creaky stairs into the cold. Once again, like on many other nights, I make myself a warm drink to calm the shivers and try and relax. I may stay downstairs for half an hour, waiting for my hubby, who I disturbed, to get back to sleep. Often on returning to bed I put the radio on low on a speech channel, I don’t like music playing, but often I get drawn into a programme, the sound so soft it becomes hard to detect what is being said and my brain tries to decipher the words. At some stage I will either drift into sleep or get up and turn off the radio. Often the dawn is breaking before I finally get any rest. Sometimes I remember to try relaxation techniques. Or repeating the word ‘the’ over and over in my head. Sometimes I even stay downstairs and try and sleep in my armchair. Tonight might be one of those…..