Insomnia again, no!

My mind is spinning again, and my body has been spinning in bed, left side, back, right side, left side, right, back, left…..

Sheet covering me, duvet and sheet, no sheet… Too hot, too cold. Pain in my toes, pain in my knee, back, neck..

Twisting and turning so much, it might be a dance. Now my guts are joining in, discomfort, so I’ve come down for a decaff coffee. Soon I’ll be back in bed. But while I’m here, at 5.15am, why not just check out my phone for stories, funny memes, memories, jokes…… Put it down! Put. It. Down…

Good morning x dawn will be breaking soon.

Hot buttered toast

When you get up after two hours lying awake at four o’clock in the morning and need comfort food. A lightly toasted slice of white bread and the spread of your choice, and a decaffeinated beverage helps. The first thing I thought last night when I woke up was ‘toast’, I’d got to take a tablet, and I didn’t want to take it on an empty stomach. I remember making toast for people for breakfast in one of my jobs. When all the residents had had theirs we were allowed a slice of toast and a cup of tea. A five minute rest in a hectic morning. And doesn’t it look good enough to eat? I’ve managed to get about three hours sleep in total and all I want to do is get back to bed. But the toast was lovely.

No sleep!

It was four o’clock before I lay down to sleep, but I couldn’t. I woke at six and put the radio on quietly, but got interested in the news. My legs and feet ache for some reason and my stomach is not right either. So I watched a few videos on m phone, big mistake. I promised to see someone at 11am today so I will try again, three hours would be better than none. My new trick of thinking of the word ‘the’ didn’t help this time, I think I need a painkiller but we don’t have anything in. Darn it.

Sleep

Sleep, a wonderful thing. Dreaming of creatures, as long as they aren’t monsters. And if they are monsters then as long as they are friendly ones? My monster is insomnia, when the dreams WON’T come. When the dreams that do appear flit past my eyes for a second and are then gone. Like a butterfly snatched by a cat, or a dragonfly grabbed by a pike. Then awake again I have to watch the seconds click by. Close my eyes and the world swirls sideways. I need rest!

Why can’t I sleep?

Cats can snooze anywhere. I can hear this one snoring next to me. But I just lie awake. A million thoughts tangle in my head, health issues, pain in my feet and shoulder, snoring from hubby, then there was hunger, thirst. Went and had a slice of toast and a decaff coffee. I did finish a couple of paintings. When I went back to bed I did what I sometimes do and put the radio on to murmur me to sleep, but last night it was too interesting. Even the shipping forecast ‘Dover, Wight, Portland, Plymouth, North backing North West, 25 miles, good, occasional rain and mist. Two to three.’ Something like that. Then there’s a news briefing, farming today, a prayer for today, tweet of the day (birdsong) then into the Today programme. Radio four. Somewhere around six thirty I fell asleep only to be woken at ten by my hubby who had slept for twelve hours! Argh!

Nerves

Its almost time to submit my final major project but I’ve become very nervous about it. Such a lot rides on how I do. I’m already suffering from insomnia but this is just making it worse. I’m wondering why I can’t sleep, but I guess it’s thoughts like “have I got enough images?” “what if I forget to include?” “how do I create?” Don’t get me wrong, I have learnt a lot over the course of the last two years. I am attempting things I would never have done before. And what am I going to get out of it, apart from those new skills? Would anyone employ me as a free-lance illustrator/ author/ crafts person? Lot’s of questions. I think my style is my USP. I tend to do my own thing. I am probably too analogue. But I have a passion and I want what I am doing to be interesting. Do I have to be subsumed into a generic style? I hope not!

Draco

My mind is racing, I cannot sleep. My hand has held a paintbrush and suddenly the impetus is there to paint again despite the shaking and wobbling. I started three more small paintings tonight, a kingfisher, then this dragon, and finally a face I’ve called medusa. All works in progress. I think the illustration side of me is leaking into my paintings!

awake 6.30 am

playing with paper and felt pens

Sitting here- pondering what to do about college work, I never seem to get a minute to myself. I couldn’t sleep, I’m either too hot or too cold or someones elbow is sticking in my ribs, but because I woke up and started typing, now hubby is up and ready to go for a walk! For heavens sake can’t I get a quiet moment to myself?

I’m seriously thinking about single beds! you know you are getting older when you think that comfort outweighs companionship. No more knees in your back, or elbows in your ear, or your shoulder being used as a pillow.

No I’m not doing college stuff, I’m just trying to chill for half an hour. No doubt I will go back to bed soon!

One hour!

That’s how much sleep I got last night. My hubby has a cold and was coughing and snoring. He hurt his leg a week ago and can’t get comfortable. I think I’m having another attack of gout as my feet and hands hurt. I couldn’t get comfortable and as I’ve cut down on the central heating it means the bedroom is cold at night. A fight over the duvet ensued. So I came downstairs and read for a couple of hours. I knew I was supposed to get up and go somewhere. That didn’t help. In the end I fell asleep at about 9am then woke up at 10am. I should have been out at the meeting. In the end I gave up and sent my apologies. I went back to sleep at about midday and woke up just after 3pm. Another night of insomnia! Is it any wonder that I fall asleep in the day!