After almost a month I managed to get upstairs and go to bed last night. I knew it would be difficult sleeping after a month on my own. I didn’t realise how pointy elbows are, or how legs have sharp knees! So I wrote this little poem… !
Tired, shaking, aching. Can’t rest, can’t get comfortable, can’t sleep. Too hot, too cold. Got a slight cough. Feeling miserable. Not ill. The injured calf muscle is difficult to position, too painful after three weeks. I’ve slept on the settee with my legs resting on cushions on a stool because straightening my leg makes it cramp up. My sleeping mask that I have to wear to keep my throat from stopping me breathing is rubbing on my nose and puffs of air from it disturb me as I try to nod off. Occasionally I’ve slept in an armchair instead, cushioned up and curled in a ball. I want to go to bed, upstairs. But I’m scared like the Grand old Duke of a Yorks men I will end up halfway. Neither up nor down.
Injury is not only frustrating, it’s confidence sapping too. You don’t trust yourself incase something happens to make it worse. So instead I’m sitting tapping on my phone. Dithering in the cool night air, wanting to be snuggled and comfy. Feeling fed up.
I had a shocking night last night. The pain in my leg means it’s hard to get comfortable. I can’t lie flat and if I lie on my side I have to put my legs on a footstool with pillows on it. I sometimes can’t get the levels right, so either my legs are too low and the edge of the settee digs in my thighs. The other way means my legs are too high and my knees feel twisted. I really, really, just want to get upstairs to bed. My shocked cat 🙀 plant holder shows what I think!
Steps… The last few days I’ve kept my phone with me and measured how far I walked throughout the day. Over the week since I pulled my calf muscle I have stumbled and ambled about and managed to walk around five thousand steps a day… Not today. I’ve had more pain in my leg and I was so tired I fell asleep for the first time properly in a week. I didn’t fully wale up fully at about 1pm today.
Being injured is a bit like house arrest. No images to take photos of. No sunsets, if I hadn’t been doodling I would not have any art to show. I’ve got things to do but I can’t. I was going to go to a portrait workshop today but I didn’t dare risk it. There is a problem with petrol supplies and it’s affecting all transport so I might not have been able to get a taxi.
So, life continues to be painful but hopefully things will get better soon. X
Been staying up to late to watch the Olympics. I went to bed about 4am, but woke up at about 8amso I’m shattered. What was I watching? The semifinals of the mens 10 meter diving. I could have got up at 7am to watch the final, but I was still asleep. I’m just glad they are only on every four (or five) years. Considering it almost didn’t go ahead, I think the Japanese have done a marvellous job as hosts. I just hope people stay safe an the covid levels reduce. The Paralympics are about to start. I wish all the competitors a great games.
Off to bed I’d better go, Not been sleeping well you know. Now my head will hit the pillow, Dreams arrive, and nightmares billow. Give me sleep to round the day, Make it sweet not cruel or fey. A deep and dream less sleep I crave, Like one beneath the very grave. To wake anew to summers day. And hope my hayfever keeps well away!
Something I found in my Facebook memories. I still have trouble sleeping. But it’s not THIS bad!
Old lemons in a cracked and crazed bowl, observational drawing, it’s 1.35am on a Thursday morning, what else would I be doing? Next I’m going to watch the joy of painting with Bob Ross…. What a strange life I’m living!
I can’t sleep, so I don’t dream, on the hour every hour, I look at the alarm clock. Tick tock, tick tock. Put the radio on low sometimes. The murmur might send me to sleep, but then it wakes me up if there is serious news or something interesting. Having a cat move in doesn’t help. He wants to go out at odd times. Yowl, miaow, he wakes me up. So another night goes by…
It’s raining heavily in the UK, but that didn’t wake me up. No it was my hubby getting up and making a pot of tea at four am. Then the cat wanted to go out at four thirty. I came downstairs to make a cup of coffee at five. Then as I was deciding whether to snack on a few olives left over in the fridge one of my paintings fell off the wall on the stairs, it came crashing down and shook me up a bit. I checked it over and its OK. But the string had worn through. I think hubby must brush past it on the stairs so I’ve restrung it with some wire this time.
Now I’ve had my coffee (decaff). I’m wondering whether to call the outside cat back inside. There is a forecast for rain turning to snow and ice later in the week…… I’m listening to the news on the radio. Train lines are blocked and flooded….. Do I go on… And they are talking about the end of the Trump era….. Life goes on.
Eyes open, staring at the ceiling, or eyes closed and flashes and patterns inside my eyelids. Curling tight in a ball, shivering with cold. Why did I turn the heating off? Pulling the duvet over my head, hoping the warmth of my breath will bring feeling back to my hands. Its only October but the temperature has dropped. So many nights without proper sleep. Pain and worries mingle, darkness does not enfold me in its arms, but instead picks on my mind. It hurts me, darkness extends into the future. Dawn arrives later every morning. Enveloping me in misery. Stay up, keep the lights on. Speed the night through watching TV.
Only days till Halloween, what is waiting for me? Noise outside again. Is there anyone there? If I could sleep I would be oblivious to it. Oh what can I do?