Insomnia is a nuisance. It’s upset my sleep pattern for years. I still have trouble sleeping but someone told me a way of trying to alleviate the problem. I was told to think of the word ‘the’ to help me sleep. ‘the’ has nothing to latch onto, so while your brain is thinking of the word ‘the’ it’s hard to think of anything else. It actually seems to work for me.
It’s been a few weeks and I’ve actually found that I can get better sleep. My mind is sneaky though and as I’m starting to drift off it seems to insert the worries I’m trying to avoid, then I have to go back to ‘the’ again…. And sometimes again.
Another effect is that I’m having dreams, lots of them, I can’t remember them, but they seem quite interesting at the time. Maybe I should write them down.
That I had created a wonderful painting. I’d entered it for a competition and got it in. The dream continued as I walked around a massive gallery, in and out of many rooms. I could not find the painting anywhere. Then I walked u some steps and round a panelled wall. It was there! It said ‘awarded master of art’ next to it. I remember being elated and shocked at the same time. Someone had recognised me as an actual artist! I was standing back, looking at it, wondering how I’d managed to create such complexity and colours. I don’t remember waking up but I’m glad I remembered the dream. It’s odd how things get in your brain, what you want isn’t always what you get, but it’s good to dream!
I can’t sleep, so I don’t dream, on the hour every hour, I look at the alarm clock. Tick tock, tick tock. Put the radio on low sometimes. The murmur might send me to sleep, but then it wakes me up if there is serious news or something interesting. Having a cat move in doesn’t help. He wants to go out at odd times. Yowl, miaow, he wakes me up. So another night goes by…
Eyes open, staring at the ceiling, or eyes closed and flashes and patterns inside my eyelids. Curling tight in a ball, shivering with cold. Why did I turn the heating off? Pulling the duvet over my head, hoping the warmth of my breath will bring feeling back to my hands. Its only October but the temperature has dropped. So many nights without proper sleep. Pain and worries mingle, darkness does not enfold me in its arms, but instead picks on my mind. It hurts me, darkness extends into the future. Dawn arrives later every morning. Enveloping me in misery. Stay up, keep the lights on. Speed the night through watching TV.
Only days till Halloween, what is waiting for me? Noise outside again. Is there anyone there? If I could sleep I would be oblivious to it. Oh what can I do?
I keep nodding off, falling asleep, almost in mid sentence. Stayed up too late for the last three nights. Going to bed at three or four am. I was trying to get my coursework done, but I’ve fallen into a bad habit of going to bed late and getting up late. I keep having interesting dreams, in them I’m at university walking through rooms and lecture halls, I’m doing a distance learning course, but clearly I want to go there. Can barely keep my eyes open. I keep having to check my grammar and writing. I nod off as I’m typing sometimes. Wake up to gibberish. V V g g kg v”fcggffvb or something like that.
I might try and write something else. But what? What do people want to hear? I don’t know. Brains running on empty….
In my dream I’m in a city, buying a crumbling house, with many floors. It is so delapidated, chunks of rubble are falling from it.
The house is actually two houses one on top of the other. It is perched at the top of a vertical cliff, and bits of building keep falling off.
I don’t know why I’m having this dream. I’m not scared in it, the city seems recognisable as somewhere I know, the sun mainly shines, or the sun is setting. Sometimes I will be miles away and I have to walk back to the house, by convoluted paths.
All the buildings in the city are falling down, but they are like ruins, much more romantic than real buildings.
I want to work out why I’m dreaming this and I don’t understand is why it keeps recurring?
I have really interesting, involved dreams, marvellous fantasies. The trouble is when I wake up they are gone. Dissappeared, dissolved into the mists of reality. I have just woken up from one marvellous concoction. But it’s gone. I can’t grasp it back from my sleep. Today as I woke I could hear myself shouting Noooooo…..
In other news, I just heard the very quiet sound of running water. A hiss that signifies something is happening outside? Went out. My partner had switched the outside tap on last night with the hose attached… He’s left it on all night! I’m surprised the garden hasn’t floated away! We don’t have a hose ban, but I might ban him. Thank goodness we are not on a water meter!