New paintings and regular art updates.
Hard work, but I think it was worth it. I think some of my paintings are like knitting or embroidery, pulling all the threads together to bring it to a finished piece. And sometimes it’s knowing where to stop, to feel satisfied. Sometimes my hubby says I overwork things, but I think I know where I am with this. I decided not to add any bees or butterflies, I think that would just distract.
Now I lay me down to sleep, will I find the peace I seek? Last night I slept for two hours, stayed awake for three, then caught two more hours by their shirt tails. Dragged into and out of nervous dreams. Unsatisfied by my minds play and twists. I don’t remember them, but I think the dreams woke me, a flavour or a smell or a shape lifting me from slumber. Spending the day tired and aching. Wonder if I will repeat tonight? I hope not, but I’m overtired and grumpy, aching and yawning!
One of the cats came and slept on me last night. I don’t know if it was for warmth (probably) or comfort. He lay with his head on my hand and gently purred. The only problem was when I had to get up to go to the bathroom. As I shifted position he moved down by my feet. That was good, so I had a cup of coffee before I went back to bed. But then it was difficult to get back in bed. I tried to slide across the mattress but my feet and knees were bent uncomfortably. The cat didn’t move, so I slowly straightened my legs, but I knew it would come to a point when I would have to push him down the bed. Then our female cat came in the bedroom. She jumped up and the male cat jumped down…. I breathed a sigh and straightend my legs, what a relief !
Yawning, aching, eyes blurred, too many late nights watching TV or videos on my phone. I could sleep, but my feet hurt, which keeps me awake. Then I’m either too hot or too cold, or hubby snores, or kicks my ankle. Too many decaff coffees make it worse. Even if I don’t have lots of thoughts sometimes it difficult. I put a light on, if I read sometimes I can sleep, I hear the book drop, but I’m gone. Other times I put the radio on low, a murmur, but sometimes I catch a headline and have to listen…. So many reasons for NOT sleeping, and yet HE can just sleep, like that, so annoying! ❤️
Your mind is muddled, thoughts roll over and through your mind. Repeating over and over the things that went wrong in the day. Things pop into your mind from years ago. This is never ending, you start watching your alarm clock as minutes or hours tick by….
Then you remember, someone told you think of the word ‘THE’ nothing else, just ‘the’… Think of it slowly, over and over again…
Why? I think it’s because the word ‘the’ has no connotations, nothing to cling onto, while you are thinking ‘the’ you can’t think of anything else. It helps block roiling thoughts, and you just drift off to sleep. Honestly, over the last two months it has really helped. I don’t even remember drifting off, but then I sleep quite well….
What do sad words mean?
Do they explain
Do they confer
Anything?
How do I say
What I feel?
Words are not easy
They don’t encapsulate
They don’t wrap you
In their arms.
They are just noise
Between people
When what I need
Is a hug?
I had an ache in my shoulders this morning and it’s got worse as the day has gone on. One side is always aching, but today the other side is hurting too, and my neck is very sore. I don’t know if I’m ill, or tense, or if it’s caused by anxiety. The drawing was done a few years ago in photoshop.
When you lose someone it is complex and confusing. Especially when it is a sudden event. First there is disbelief, and that keeps flooding back. I keep wanting to talk to the person who is gone. Then I swear at them! Angry with them. Asking why did it happen? It’s unbelievable and shattering. Everything is on hold, I can’t decide what to do for the best. I’ve talked to lots of people, shared some of my feelings. I hope that’s the right thing to do. Life seems bad at the moment but at least I’m still trying to cope. Sleep is another problem. If you see me here late at night I might just be trying to take my mind off things.
Red and green spins in front of my eyes. Trying to capture that motion. Almost three thirty am. I’m tired but happy. Signed and dated.
Took my glasses off, fell asleep. All I can do at the moment is rest. It takes time to get over illness and I’m afraid I overdid things yesterday. Then a bad nights sleep wiped me out even more. So I’m having a quiet day. Time to take care of myself for a change. I’ll be back later but I need to rest. Sorry to be boring!
Mallaband-Brown