Can’t sleep

Tired, shaking, aching. Can’t rest, can’t get comfortable, can’t sleep. Too hot, too cold. Got a slight cough. Feeling miserable. Not ill. The injured calf muscle is difficult to position, too painful after three weeks. I’ve slept on the settee with my legs resting on cushions on a stool because straightening my leg makes it cramp up. My sleeping mask that I have to wear to keep my throat from stopping me breathing is rubbing on my nose and puffs of air from it disturb me as I try to nod off. Occasionally I’ve slept in an armchair instead, cushioned up and curled in a ball. I want to go to bed, upstairs. But I’m scared like the Grand old Duke of a Yorks men I will end up halfway. Neither up nor down.

Injury is not only frustrating, it’s confidence sapping too. You don’t trust yourself incase something happens to make it worse. So instead I’m sitting tapping on my phone. Dithering in the cool night air, wanting to be snuggled and comfy. Feeling fed up.

Ouch

Fed up with waiting for my pulled calf muscle to mend. I was trying to get my steps in, inside the house but I’ve had to give that up, it hurt too much. I’m trying to keep moving as much as I can. I still can’t climb upstairs or get in the bath for a shower. I’m taking pain killers and the painkilling gel I got from the doctors but am sleeping badly on the settee. Hubby has been so helpful and caring. I just want to be mobile again. Got to take the cat to the vets again on Friday. Last week a taxi didn’t turn up so I drove us there in second gear! I hope I don’t have to do that again. I’m going to be alright and people have helped.

I wish I knew how long this was going to take. I didn’t actually have a doctors appointment, I just told the receptionist what I’d done and then she rang back and told me there was a prescription waiting for me at the pharmacy. I am a bit tired and fed up.

Quorn tied to my leg

Pulled my calf muscle trying to walk up a grassy slope while I was out singing at Burslem Port. I had a lift on Kay and Steve’s oatcake boat along the canal to Hanley then was driven home by Mark in our car. Richard, Mark and Ivan all helped me get about. Thanks to Kate, Greg, the staff and volunteers at Burslem. Everybody else for looking after me. I will have to try and get Roberts walking stick back to him. I’ve found stepping sideways is easier than trying to go forwards. I think upstairs is out of bounds at the moment. I hope I will be able to get around again and start walking in a few days. Glad I avoided an ambulance and A&E! Photo is a bag of frozen quorn tied against my calf muscle!

Dry, sore hands

_20200715_232214

Washing my hands regularly, using sanitiser, washing up liquid. I try and use moisturiser but it doesn’t help. I keep going with it though. I really want my hand to heal. But every time I wash up, even with gloves, makes it bad again. It started on my little finger and spread. I’m fed up with it. Been going on for months.

X

When you’re hurt…

DSC_2391

Everything feels grey.

Pain enfold you,

sucks you in

imobilises you..

The world is small

your house is a cocoon,

hiding your body from the world.

Turning your face from the sun,

learning not to want

not to care,

not to bother,

feeling sore

feeling fed up,

being annoyed by everything.

Not knowing how to escape,

mind tied down

like Gulliver

but unable to travel,

finding no way out

in a hole

deep

lost.

Shopping…

sketch-1573574333056

The sound of disgust in my hubby’s voice as he utters this word. The total hate he has of doing this chore.

What can I do? I’m still sore and hobbling about from falling over on Sunday. I’ve not rested that much, I’ve washed up and cooked food. It’s just I’m still sore. Why doesn’t he understand that I need help? I’m not doing it deliberately. I found a hole in the bathroom door this morning where my head must have hit it! I am struggling to sleep as my side hurts so I’m using pain killing gel. But as I get more mobile I find other bits that hurt.

But shopping? It’s just not a man thing. Or cooking, it’s hard enough to get him to wash up. Antediluvian man!

Update:

Bread, yes

Pickled onions, no- spring onions

Pork pie, no-a large block of cheese.

Coffee, no – a bag of spinach

Beetroot, no- 15 eggs

Tomato soup, no – a bottle of wine

Milk, no – pretend butter

Potatoes, no – sliced ham!

Items on the list bought 1. Items not on the list 7!

I give up!

Tiger Balm

sketch-1573409175099

Can you get me the Tiger Balm for my injured back please? I can’t use the anti inflammatory gel for another five hours. (no tigers involved just menthol) I asked my hubby to fetch it. Its in the bathroom on top of the cupboard.

Five minutes later he came back with some E45 cream in approximately the same sized tub. And a scented candle in a small jar – jasmine scented I think.

Come with me it’s on top of the cupboard. We went through into the bathroom. It wasn’t there anymore. It was there last night. Now, there are model trains and carriages, but no Thai tiger balm. What have you done with it I asked? I don’t know, I didn’t move it. Maybe the cats knocked it off. It might be in the box I tripped over? Getting frustrated now. It’s in the shed, I’ll look, he said.

Ten minutes later. No it’s not there. There is no way I can go out and check with him….

Must be the poltergeist, I said…..

Fall

sketch-1573392873551

I’ve just had a bad fall, tripped over a box of hubbys train bits in the bathroom. Hurt a finger, my elbow my knee and twisted my back. He shouted at me and called me stupid. He’s gone to buy a hot water bottle for my back (I’ve got a bag of frozen sweet corn on it at the moment). One minute I was going to get a wash, the next I flew through the air and landed heavily on the bathroom floor.

It’s an hour later. I’ve got gel painkiller on my back and the hot water bottle. I’m OK leaning backwards but then hard to lean forward again….

I’m fed up.