Tired, shaking, aching. Can’t rest, can’t get comfortable, can’t sleep. Too hot, too cold. Got a slight cough. Feeling miserable. Not ill. The injured calf muscle is difficult to position, too painful after three weeks. I’ve slept on the settee with my legs resting on cushions on a stool because straightening my leg makes it cramp up. My sleeping mask that I have to wear to keep my throat from stopping me breathing is rubbing on my nose and puffs of air from it disturb me as I try to nod off. Occasionally I’ve slept in an armchair instead, cushioned up and curled in a ball. I want to go to bed, upstairs. But I’m scared like the Grand old Duke of a Yorks men I will end up halfway. Neither up nor down.
Injury is not only frustrating, it’s confidence sapping too. You don’t trust yourself incase something happens to make it worse. So instead I’m sitting tapping on my phone. Dithering in the cool night air, wanting to be snuggled and comfy. Feeling fed up.
How long will my leg hurt for? Trying to get around with a pulled calf muscle is incredibly annoying. If I put my phone on charge at night I can’t get to it in time in the morning. Trying to rush to it hurts, and usually it rings off before I can get there. Last night I slept on the settee again. I had to get up in the middle of the night and as I tried to get up from the low position I was in I felt a slight tearing sensation again. I had a sudden fear that this might be a permanent situation, that it will keep hurting. I want to go upstairs. I just want to get to bed. I want to know I will be able to get back downstairs if I have to in the night. And I have so much to do. Too much. I’m so fed up. And what is this to do with an arts blog? I don’t know, it’s life.
When you pull a muscle don’t expect it to heal overnight. You can expect discomfort for several days or a few weeks. You start doing things, then, ouch, you over stretch or twist or lift your foot or knee up a little too quickly and that band of pain clamps on your leg again.
Don’t expect to sleep well. If you can’t get upstairs you could be limited to sleeping in an armchair or on a settee or sofa. My cats are most disgruntled that I’m sleeping in their warm spot.
Don’t expect to be able to do the shopping. If a friend helps that’s a godsend. If your partner does it, we’ll don’t expect what’s on the list. As long as he’s happy…. In any case it will be all over soon. My patience has been stretched to a twanging, tight rope, ready to snap!
I’m still stuck downstairs in our little house but I have managed to get painkillers and pain relief gel from my doctors. Hopefully I will be upstairs soon but I tried the bottom step today. Hurts too much. Computer is upstairs…I still can’t do my college work. I’m not moaning but….. I’m getting more and more tired and fed up. The cat escaping didn’t help!
Oh come on cat! I can’t move because you are lying om my leg. Weighing it down, stretched out on my lap. I don’t want to disturb you, warm and sleepy. But I need my leg back! It’s falling asleep. I’ve got pain on my ankles, in my hip, in my lower back… There are plenty of other places you could sit or lie. But I want to move. Then you sigh, and relax, and I am lost. I am just your mattress, your bed. I am your slave.
She woke to a bright light shining overhead, blue curtains round a metal bed. The smell of disinfectant in her nostrils. Why was she here? She looked at her leg, a metal cast was round it. Bolts stuck put at the top and bottom near her knee and ankle. She realised she had a cannula in her arm. What else? No visible windows, just the all pervading glow of light. No sound of anyone moving, no drink on a cupboard next the the bed. She felt thirsty, hungry even, no idea what time it was.
She looked round for a push button or a pull cord to get attention, nothing. She called out ‘Hello? Can someone help?’
Silence… She felt tired and fell asleep. Later, she didn’t know how long, she woke again, strangely no longer hungry or thirsty. The cannula was attached to a big bag of pale blue fluid. She looked at her leg. Now it was wrapped in a plastic bandage, the splint or cast was gone? How, she didn’t remember time passing. She heard a sound, a human shape pushed through the soft blue curtains. She flinched as she saw the metallic face.