Spiralling

Posted on October 11, 2022 Posted in Sketching, UncategorizedTagged Art, Black ink pen, Drawing, Meditation, Memories, Pattern, Sadness, Shape, Sketching, Spiral, ThinkingLeave a comment

This drawing is another meditation. As I spiralled around drawing complex patterns I thought about aspects of mine and my siblings life. By thinking about her as I drew I could concentrate without getting too upset. I let myself think about how things could be different, and that she may have been spared. I don’t know if it was a comfort but I had been watching a programme about quantum entanglement and the possible multiverse. I am not an astrophysicist and I have no idea if this theory would have any effect on variations of people/places/times, but it gave me a little strange comfort.

Broken up

Posted on October 9, 2022October 9, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged apart, forever, Fraternal, Gone, Loss, Lost, Missing, Poem, Poetry, Sadness, separated, Together6 Comments

We were never one

But we were together

You and me

Sharing one space.

We were dressed the same

Identically unidentical

Called fraternal –

Really sororal

Now you are gone.

One half disappears

The other must go on.

Apart, forever.

Parted.

Need to do more

Posted on October 7, 2022 Posted in Sketching, UncategorizedTagged Art, Design, Digital drawing, minotaur, Sadness, Sketching, Thinking, time threadLeave a comment

I’m finally, after almost three weeks, starting to feel a little like I want to do some painting or creating digital art again. Things have been really bad. It must have been hard to read some of the things I wrote. Death is not easy to cope with, and not having answers about why something has happened makes it even harder. But amongst the misery my little artist inside me has kept me going. It’s like the thread Ariadne gave to the hero Persius, to find his way out of the Minotaurs maze. It’s always there, even when I’m not doing any art. It helps me X

Blank

Posted on October 2, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Art, blank, blank canvas, Blocked, Canvas, Life, Painting, Sadness, Start, Stuck1 Comment

It’s blank, I have the canvas, I have the paints, I have an idea, but I don’t know where to start. I have to do a painting for someone, and I want to, but my mind is blank. Just like the canvas. I might have a fight with it later, spread some green and red paint on it. It’s just knowing how to start. I’ll have to do it, soon….

Sad words

Posted on September 30, 2022September 30, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Grief, Life, Memory, Poem, Poetry, Sad, Sadness, Thinking, Tired, Words1 Comment

What do sad words mean?

Do they explain

Do they confer

Anything?

How do I say

What I feel?

Words are not easy

They don’t encapsulate

They don’t wrap you

In their arms.

They are just noise

Between people

When what I need

Is a hug?

Surviving

Posted on September 27, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Chilled, Cold, fading, Gardening, Hanging baskets, Life, Photo, Plants, Poem, Poetry, SadnessLeave a comment

The baskets are fading

Flowers crumple

Heads droop

Cold chills damage

Frosts pinch

Petals weep.

My beautiful baskets

The soft stems bend

Leaves are yellowed

Colour muted.

My sad eyes watch

Summers splendor fade

My floral glories

Gone soon I fear.

Some are stronger

Woodier stems

Allow life to continue

A little longer.

Missing choir

Posted on September 26, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Choir, Choir practice, emotional, Life, Loss, Music, Reflection, Sadness, Sympathy4 Comments

I’m not going to choir practice yet. I just don’t feel up to it. Singing is such an emotional thing. I just know if I go I will want to cry. I can’t face that yet. When I go back I want to be calm and a lot less stressed. Everything is so painful in my mind and in my body. I maybe should not share these feelings, but sometimes it’s better to say something. I don’t have the energy to worry about anyone else at the moment, and that makes me feel guilty.

To anyone else going through loss, I’d like to send my deepest sympathies, I can’t feel the same way as they do, but I do care.

Two

Posted on September 25, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Future, Loss, Memory, Missed, Poem, Rhyme, Sadness, ThoughtLeave a comment

Once I was two

Now I am one

I don’t know where

The other has gone

I am alone

I am so lost

My heart is stone

Turned into frost

I will go on

Into the world

Until one day

I will be gone.

Bad hour

Posted on September 25, 2022September 25, 2022 Posted in Sketching, UncategorizedTagged Anger, bad day, bad hour, cryingzcrying over you, Don McLean, Emotions, SadnessLeave a comment

Today I had a bad time, a bad hour. I started crying then shouting in anger. I have a song running through my head, the words ‘crying over you’, a sad piece of music. I looked it up it was ‘crying’ by Don McLean…

Cried a lot as I listened to the song, it’s not about death, but the chorus gets to me. It releases a lot of emotions. It’s a couple of hours later and I feel a little better.

Purple for healing

Posted on September 24, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged breaking heart, Flower, Healing, Heart, Purple, purple poppy, red poppy, Remembrance, SadnessLeave a comment

I went to the opening of Arts and Minds which is a gallery and support space for veterans today. It is at Middleport in stoke-on-trent. They were selling crocheted poppies for remembrance day, but they also had a few purple poppies for healing. I bought one and am wearing it on my jumper near my heart. It’s symbolic of how I feel. My heart is breaking and needs to heal. I’ve tried to Kee busy today, but somehow feel sadder.

Mallaband-Brown

Tag: Sadness