We were never one
But we were together
You and me
Sharing one space.
We were dressed the same
Identically unidentical
Called fraternal –
Really sororal
Now you are gone.
One half disappears
The other must go on.
Apart, forever.
Parted.
Broken up
Tag: Sadness
Need to do more
I’m finally, after almost three weeks, starting to feel a little like I want to do some painting or creating digital art again. Things have been really bad. It must have been hard to read some of the things I wrote. Death is not easy to cope with, and not having answers about why something has happened makes it even harder. But amongst the misery my little artist inside me has kept me going. It’s like the thread Ariadne gave to the hero Persius, to find his way out of the Minotaurs maze. It’s always there, even when I’m not doing any art. It helps me X
Blank
It’s blank, I have the canvas, I have the paints, I have an idea, but I don’t know where to start. I have to do a painting for someone, and I want to, but my mind is blank. Just like the canvas. I might have a fight with it later, spread some green and red paint on it. It’s just knowing how to start. I’ll have to do it, soon….
Sad words
What do sad words mean?
Do they explain
Do they confer
Anything?
How do I say
What I feel?
Words are not easy
They don’t encapsulate
They don’t wrap you
In their arms.
They are just noise
Between people
When what I need
Is a hug?
Surviving
The baskets are fading
Flowers crumple
Heads droop
Cold chills damage
Frosts pinch
Petals weep.
My beautiful baskets
The soft stems bend
Leaves are yellowed
Colour muted.
My sad eyes watch
Summers splendor fade
My floral glories
Gone soon I fear.
Some are stronger
Woodier stems
Allow life to continue
A little longer.
Missing choir
I’m not going to choir practice yet. I just don’t feel up to it. Singing is such an emotional thing. I just know if I go I will want to cry. I can’t face that yet. When I go back I want to be calm and a lot less stressed. Everything is so painful in my mind and in my body. I maybe should not share these feelings, but sometimes it’s better to say something. I don’t have the energy to worry about anyone else at the moment, and that makes me feel guilty.
To anyone else going through loss, I’d like to send my deepest sympathies, I can’t feel the same way as they do, but I do care.
Two
Once I was two
Now I am one
I don’t know where
The other has gone
I am alone
I am so lost
My heart is stone
Turned into frost
I will go on
Into the world
Until one day
I will be gone.
Bad hour
Today I had a bad time, a bad hour. I started crying then shouting in anger. I have a song running through my head, the words ‘crying over you’, a sad piece of music. I looked it up it was ‘crying’ by Don McLean…
Cried a lot as I listened to the song, it’s not about death, but the chorus gets to me. It releases a lot of emotions. It’s a couple of hours later and I feel a little better.
Purple for healing
I went to the opening of Arts and Minds which is a gallery and support space for veterans today. It is at Middleport in stoke-on-trent. They were selling crocheted poppies for remembrance day, but they also had a few purple poppies for healing. I bought one and am wearing it on my jumper near my heart. It’s symbolic of how I feel. My heart is breaking and needs to heal. I’ve tried to Kee busy today, but somehow feel sadder.
I can’t talk
There’s people I need to speak to, but as the days go on I get less likely to reach out. Its like I’m encapsulating myself against the whole world. Retreating into myself, hiding away? So nothing else can hurt me. Keeping busy where I have to, but really all I want is to put my head under the covers and escape from the world. Self protection, I hope it’s not selfishness. I don’t know if I will feel better soon. Am I being lazy? No, definitely not. Just torn apart.
Mallaband-Brown 