Once I was two
Now I am one
I don’t know where
The other has gone
I am alone
I am so lost
My heart is stone
Turned into frost
I will go on
Into the world
Until one day
I will be gone.
Two
Tag: Sadness
Bad hour
Today I had a bad time, a bad hour. I started crying then shouting in anger. I have a song running through my head, the words ‘crying over you’, a sad piece of music. I looked it up it was ‘crying’ by Don McLean…
Cried a lot as I listened to the song, it’s not about death, but the chorus gets to me. It releases a lot of emotions. It’s a couple of hours later and I feel a little better.
Purple for healing
I went to the opening of Arts and Minds which is a gallery and support space for veterans today. It is at Middleport in stoke-on-trent. They were selling crocheted poppies for remembrance day, but they also had a few purple poppies for healing. I bought one and am wearing it on my jumper near my heart. It’s symbolic of how I feel. My heart is breaking and needs to heal. I’ve tried to Kee busy today, but somehow feel sadder.
I can’t talk
There’s people I need to speak to, but as the days go on I get less likely to reach out. Its like I’m encapsulating myself against the whole world. Retreating into myself, hiding away? So nothing else can hurt me. Keeping busy where I have to, but really all I want is to put my head under the covers and escape from the world. Self protection, I hope it’s not selfishness. I don’t know if I will feel better soon. Am I being lazy? No, definitely not. Just torn apart.
Up and down
At the moment I’m up and down. One minute trying to plan things, the next remembering what has happened. Disbelief is my main emotion. That and loss. I feel like writing things down is helping a bit, so I’m here, blogging and sharing my thoughts. I hope that’s OK for people. I’m gradually working things out, grateful that I have hubby, friends and family there for support. When you lose a relative it’s a shock. I have cried, I will cry again, how long for, I don’t know. Its turmoil and chaos sometimes, then I calm down for a while. X
Lost
I’m swimming in a sea of loss
Dashed against rocks
Spinning in a whirlpool
With weeds tangling my feet.
Around me are grey souls
I don’t recognise them
But they reach out to grab me
Hands come close
Trying to drag me down
Must try and float
Look for the surface light
For the blue sky
For a rescue boat.
And still it goes on.
On 24th of February this year Vladimir Putin said he didn’t want to annex parts of Ukraine 🇺🇦, and yet now he’s trying to set up referendums to get the areas he’s taken over to vote to be absorbed into Russia. He can then threaten Ukraine more if they try and take those areas back.
Meanwhile victims of Russias torture and killing are being found in the areas in the North East of Ukraine that have been liberated. Innocent civilians that had their hands bound behind their back and were shot in the head. Or the survivors that were beaten or electrocuted. The loss that they and their relatives must feel must far outweigh any normal grieving? The world is awful. May this terrible war end soon.
Private
#bandofsketchers prompt today is Private, with feelings of sadness. I want to just hide myself away, but there is a chink of light as I peep through the curtains. I will gradually try and get out again, but for now, I want the curtains closed.
Halved
My sun has gone out
The moon has split in half
My world is darkened
The loss of a relative
Guts your soul
Don’t scream
Don’t cry
Hold it together
For you
For everyone else
But it’s hard to take.
Time ticks by
Time ticks by
Your journey has ended
The world has whirled on in space
And left you behind.
An abrupt ending
Hopefully peacefully
You won’t see my tears
My pain, my loss
I won’t hear your voice again.
Lost in the wilderness
Grief tunnels in
Tugs at my heart
Rending and tearing.
How can I say goodbye
When it’s too late?
Mallaband-Brown 