Tired

A long day, a funeral, a wake. Gentle celebration of a lost life. No awful grief, just a summing up of someone that touched many hearts. I am proud of her. I was moved and surprised by her life.

Seeing myself on the photos in tribute to her was a shock, I hadn’t been told they would be there. That touched me deeply. To know that half of me has now been seperated. I touched the coffin and said goodbye. A long day, a painful day, but a joyful day.

Leaves fall from the trees, they gradually break down and disintegrate, but their molecules are still there, they add to more life and energy, they are still part of the universe. They exist, existed, they have not exited this realm. A lot to think about. My gratitude continues as I remember sharing my life with her, my sister, my twin.

Two cats together

One on my knee, one on the arm of the chair. My two boy cats sitting almost nose to nose. They are quite tolerant of each other, and this is the closest they have ever sat together. It asted half an hour, both snug and warm. This is not photoshopped they were about three inches apart. So pleased we got the outside cat to join the household especially at this cold time of year.

Walk

You took my hand, held it tightly. Dragged me up the hill to the viewpoint.

We stared across the tree tops, across the views of hills and valleys. There were old houses and modern warehouses where there used to be fields. It’s gone, you said, our youth and the beauty that was once here.

Remember when we had strength? When hills were virtually flat? When colours were bright and gaudy.

The trees were shorter then, we could see further. We used to hold hands and more. Now, we are lost, can our hearts stay forever together? The hill is steep nowadays. But we walk hand in hand.

Old hands

Old hands hold tight, remember smooth skin when we first met. Remember missing you when you went away. Riding a motor scooter forty miles to go home for the summer, and you cycled after me.

Smelling blossom when we walked home to the student flats. A stolen kiss. Our history, together. The cats we’ve owned, the cycle rides. Buying a tandem, selling a tandem because the chain kept falling off.

Camping at minus 7 near Clitheroe. Snowy nights. Two pairs of trousers and three jumpers under canvas. Bike trailers and cycle clubs.

Life keeps going. Work, houses, learning. We keep together, stay together.

The irritations of lockdown

Being together is supposed to be better than being by yourself. Not as lonely. But when you live in a small house it’s not that simple. A narrow galley kitchen means you struggle to pass each other. One persons shooing is the others dislike. You bought four huge pork pies? The potato salad is full of sugar? Why can’t you put waste food in the bin, instead of letting it float in the sink….. Then there is TV. We don’t have Netflix or anything like that, so we watch terrestrial TV. But do there have to be so many steam train programmes? Tools is another thing. Yes he has a shed, but this time of year he takes over the kitchen, there are batteries, middle boats, cable ties, screwdrivers… The list is endless, all over the place. He doesn’t like shopping and washing up. So the food is weird and the water splashes everywhere. My new cupboard door is loosing it’s surface because its always wet… So I do things myself. The most irritating? When I buy things for both of us and he eats it all first.

If I asked him to write his irritations, he too would have a long list. He would be right! Living together isn’t easy.

Interesting statistic. Married men I’ve five years longer than single men on average, whilst married women live five years less than single ones!

Two boys, one sofa

It’s happening, the two boy cats tolerate each other enough to share the settee!

The time we have taken gradually introducing them over the last few weeks. Indoor and outdoor cat are within a meter of each other…. They might be at either end of the settee but the outdoor cat had to jump up past the indoor one. No hissing, no spitting! Great

Still together…

My mom came and saw me at college one September and made me promise not to move in with my boyfriend till after Christmas. I moved in in the October! With a lot of ups and downs we are still together forty years later.. We hate and love each other! I think the wedding vows have it right, sickness and health, richer and poorer. It gives you a clue that the world is not perfect and that you have to work at relationships. Sometimes it doesn’t work, sometimes it does… I guess we were lucky…

This was last year I think…. Memories of madness…. And fun!

Holding hands

Holding hands? After forty years we still do. But sometimes I just need to let go. When I’m typing, it’s impossible to type left handed. Impossible to chose the picture I want to use. Impossible to add tabs, categories. Sometimes you need a bit of freedom. The chance to do your own thing. Not tied together, feeling like you have to support the other one. It’s not just typing, it’s all the other things I would like to do, but I’m sure he feels the same way. Life, together, sometimes it’s hard to know when to let go (but stay together).