It didn’t happen
No rose
No wine
No sweet kiss
Just your presence
Missed.
Unvalentines day
Tag: Missing
A better day
I went out in the car today. Only to a post office to send some documents off and get some shopping. The postmaster asked me what was in the envelope that was addressed to “the bereavement team”. When I said a copy of hubbys will and death certificate he was instantly sympathetic.
As a sign we might be living in the matrix, while I had been waiting in the queue I had spotted a box of cuppa soups that I like. After I’d handed over my letter I turned round to pick up the soup… Where was it. I stood for two or three minutes but could no longer see it. A glitch in the matrix? All the other boxes of soup I had spied were also missing. Perhaps I had dreamt it.
Then I went into a shop and got a cornish pasty and a chocolate brownie for tea. I noticed that the woman who served me had a runny nose and touched it with her hand before picking up the brownie. I got home washed my hands, microwaved the pasty, washed my hands, microwaved the brownie, washed my hands. I think I might have been overcautious but I’d rather be safe than sorry.
I can’t ask you
I turned to you to ask you a question. But you were not there. You cannot come back.
You were so knowledgeable, I could mention something and you knew the way my mind was working. You would ask me and be surprised by what I knew. We agreed that I had picked up a lot of knowledge from you. I recognise trains and tractors because of you. I could ask you about chemistry and physics. We would laugh and compete to answer TV quiz questions. Sometimes I would beat you, other times you would beat me. Most often it was a draw.
Thinking of you now I see a hole in the air where you were. A space unfilled by your spirit. You have gone ahead, like going to bed, and I don’t want to follow yet? My bonds are here on earth, close tied to friends and family. Don’t let me loose those bonds yet. I have obligations, how could I let the cats down? My family down. Please look over me and keep me safe in your heart as I hold you in mine.
Thoughts late at night.
Silence
If I’m not about
I’ve not gone
I’m here in your heart
My silence is a quiet breath
A silent prayer
Just know
I’m still there
With you.
Milk on the pavement?
My arrangement with the milkman is to put the milk in the basket over our gate. It means it is safe and doesn’t disappear ( sometimes one bottle gets taken, other times more). But for the last week it’s been left on the pavement (it’s delivered every other day), so I’ve been trying to get up early to bring it in. Today I was late (eight am). There it was, not on our step, but a foot away on the pavement. I’ve left a note, asking them to put it over the gate, which was ignored. I think I need to email the dairy, but I’ve lost my password. Maybe our regular milkman is on holiday? We will see. I like having it delivered in glass bottles because they are reused and recycled and are not plastic!
Missing painting
When we went up to my sisters house last week I looked for the painting I had done her for her birthday. She passed away a few weeks ago and I would like to retrieve this and a painting of a lobster I also did for her. Unfortunately the house is full of things, she was like me, a collector of all sorts of things, and I have no idea where she has put them. I feel like I should ask her family for them back unless they want them themselves. So much to sort out. So sad to not have her in my life anymore.
Broken up
We were never one
But we were together
You and me
Sharing one space.
We were dressed the same
Identically unidentical
Called fraternal –
Really sororal
Now you are gone.
One half disappears
The other must go on.
Apart, forever.
Parted.
Halved
My sun has gone out
The moon has split in half
My world is darkened
The loss of a relative
Guts your soul
Don’t scream
Don’t cry
Hold it together
For you
For everyone else
But it’s hard to take.
Missing friends
The trouble with blogging is that you make friends and then after a while they might disappear. Suddenly they go into the fog of the Internet. It’s not clear if something has happened to them or if they have just left. Thankfully people do write and say they are going sometimes. That’s not as bad. But it leaves a hole in your life when you’ve got used to reading their words. You can go back and look at previous posts but it’s not the same. Or you can find them on other platforms. I remember finding someone on Instagram after they had left here. But a few months later they left there as well.
It’s also a shock when after losing touch with people over the years you find out they have died. It happened last weekend, someone I had known for a while had passed away. I asked her husband how she was and he said she had died two years ago. He said everyone in the town knew she had passed away. I had to explain that I don’t live in that town so had not found out. I was so sad to have discovered she was gone.
The worst thing I think is Facebook memories. Someone who has died will suddenly appear on a memory. Or their birthday will show up. It can be disturbing. There should be a memorial button. A way of closing an account without erasing them. Meanwhile. If I decide to leave WordPress I will try and remember to let people know. X
Purring cat
While I miss one of my cats, I still have to look after the other two. They want attention. Jumping up to see us. But neither are as ‘touchy feely’ as the missing one. A little cuddle and they are off. To get food and drink. To mooch about on the stairs or outside. My heart strings are being pulled left and right.
I miss my old boy cat….
