Sometimes

Are you a good judge of character?

What’s on the inside isn’t the same as the outside. You might think one thing about a person based on their physical appearance only to find they are completely different to what you expect.

I’d say mostly that I’m a good judge of character. I’ve met many people over my career and my home life, and mostly it’s been OK. But not always, on a couple of occasions I had to give up on friends who tried to split me and my hubby up, I found out one was saying things about me to needle my hubby into leaving me. I realised that the language he was using was in her way of speaking. It was her attitudes that he was spouting. When we talked it through he thankfully understood that. The second situation was a woman that tried to have an affair with him. She was always calling round when I was out. He told me what she was up to, and we ended the friendship.

Other people have fooled me at work, but you cotton on eventually. It can cause heartache when you mistakenly trust people. But you have to live and learn.

Difficult to say…

Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?

I really find it hard to predict

A year ago I didn’t think I would go through so much, grief, hospital appointments, memories, loneliness.

Stepping through that year, from there to here, then to now, I had hoped that I would be starting to have better times by now, but the administration of suffering is hard to maintain. One thing after another, a bill here, a repair there, treatments, investigations, infections, tremors, everything. I must have cost the nhs thousands. It’s hard to keep up and also chase things up.

I’m not really where I wanted to be now but hopefully will be in 2025.

Carol concert

It was singing at the Church carol concert tonight. I felt proud, I think because I hadn’t been rehearsing due to my broken rib, people were surprised. I got a few compliments at church and when I got home a couple who had been up at the concert stopped to say I’d got a lovely voice! 

Strangely when I was having a mince pie during the intermission I had a discussion about being agnostic with the local vicar! I don’t know what got into me!

New bed

Blimey! I’ve just had a new bed delivered. My old one way about Xx years old (too embarrassed to mention it’s actual age). What a palaver! Moving furniture and boxes out the way. Making sure there were no trip hazards in the way. Emptying divan drawers of stuff that could have come out of the ark, were those cushions from the 1980s? Then because I’ve gone from a king-size to a double do I need to get new sheets and a duvet? do I need new or will the old ones do? Will it be too soft or too hard? A friend of mine has given it me and she lives miles away so I didn’t get a chance to try it out. All I can say is that it looked comfy as the men carried it upstairs, but I’m too tired to get up there and try it out!

Freedom?

Is Lady Liberty disappearing into mist and fog? What happened to the support of huddled masses? Can there possibly be mass deportations?

Looking up the name of the island where people arrived in America, Google says:

On 1 January 1892, Ellis Island opened to receive immigrants. At its peak, during the early years of the 20th Century, thousands of people passed through its gates each day. Angel Island in San Francisco Bay had the same role on the west coast from 1910 to 1940.

So why is this aspect of America. Support and kindness now being curtailed? Perhaps it is through fear, perhaps it is selfishness. I don’t know. There seems to be almost a mass hysteria around the world where xenophobia is taking control. We see it in the UK where the legal routes to migration have been reduced and people fleeing conflict have been forced to risk travelling across the Channel in small boats to get to  the UK. Vicious rumours about those poor people have caused riots and misinformed so many people in negative ways.

We see war in Syria now that has started to maim and kill people again. Destabilising countries causes strife and fear and forces people to move. Gaza is in crisis, Ukraine is being destroyed. Sudan has floods and starvation to mention a few current crises. But instead of dealing with the bad actors we allow the oligarchs of the world to feel they can get away with their cruelty.

All of us need to stop and think about kindness, caring and love. It’s about time we thought as President Kennedy did, not what we can do for ourselves but what we can do for others. Somewhere humanity needs to think about our fellow humans and not just grabbing what we can and damn the rest.

It makes me dispair and worry about what we are doing. Maybe fear of what’s happening to the Earth’s environment is now impacting on its population. Somehow we must start to care more about each other.

Panto painting

Before covid (bc) I painted a series of pictures of places the cast of the pantomime I was in travelled through to get to Gretna green in Scotland (they had no sense of direction). This was one of the destinations.

This popped up on my Facebook memories. Imagine 8 or 10 people walking along and each painting being moved across the stage behind them. It was fun.

Floating

A photo from 7 years ago. It’s just a horizontal mirroring of the top of a tree. It feels tranquil, like a flooded flat lake that has risen to cover the land. A perfect reflection created digitally.

In other thoughts I’m having a quiet day, my stomach is upset again and I’m just trying to sleep, relax, and stay calm like the photo.

Expensive tech

What technology would you be better off without, why?

Expensive hair curlers that cost the Earth, but don’t do much better than cheaper ones. The cost and power they use must be excessive for people with low incomes. The fact that they often come in “exclusive” colours so they can charge more is ridiculous.

The amount of effort to make something use the Coanda effect to pull hair round onto a heated surface? Is it worth the effort? I wonder.

Heart felt

Every so often I find a heart, and I smile and remember, I’m not alone.

Memories grip me, I remember clear days, driving through country lanes, visiting old houses, happiness, times spent together.

It doesn’t have to be a leaf, I see hearts in swirls of coffee, puddles, holes in crumpets, flower petals, it’s just some random pattern that leads me to loving feelings, caring, comforting, companionable love.

And I’m glad.