New paintings and regular art updates.
I won’t show my face fully because I feel like every part of me is breaking up into tiny pieces of nothing. I am numb. I want to talk, but I want to stay silent. But the creative urge pushes me to make an image of how I’m feeling, inside as well as out. They say time heals. I hope it can glue my soul back together, or a stich in time will darn my minds pieces into a whole again. I am torn into atoms and scattered.
What will tomorrow bring?
I asked myself,
What sort of thing?
A new idea,
a chance to change
A friend in touch
There is so much
To think about
So instead,
Today
I will rest a while
Gather my strength
And deal with it all
TOMORROW
Not today.
My mind was occupied by various things today. Mostly pain from Sciatica or something similar. I tried doing yoga in bed a few nights ago and pulled something in my lower back so I’ve been trying to rest it and it has got a little bit better. I did go to choir but wasn’t happy standing up to sing. Very annoying. Any art on the way? No just trying to delete some photos as my phone is 90% full!
That I had created a wonderful painting. I’d entered it for a competition and got it in. The dream continued as I walked around a massive gallery, in and out of many rooms. I could not find the painting anywhere. Then I walked u some steps and round a panelled wall. It was there! It said ‘awarded master of art’ next to it. I remember being elated and shocked at the same time. Someone had recognised me as an actual artist! I was standing back, looking at it, wondering how I’d managed to create such complexity and colours. I don’t remember waking up but I’m glad I remembered the dream. It’s odd how things get in your brain, what you want isn’t always what you get, but it’s good to dream!
Links, complications, colours
Convoluted beginnings
And endings.
Thinking about life
Memories bubble out
Like air filtering
Through a spring
Expanding and bursting.
Lights spark on my minds surface
Like old popping flash bulbs
On a box brownie camera
Or captured as polaroids
Held in gel
An album of my thoughts.
I see
Cats
Butterflies
Dragons
Old bones?
I see
Rock
Pebbles
Sandy beaches
I see
Vasesu
Urns
Ancient columns
I see
Holes
Bubbles
Veins
I see
Lacunae
Merged,
Me and he
Forty years together
Him and me
Us.
Blue and brown eyes
Beard and bare face
White hair and brown
Smile and frown
Friendship, partners
Together.
Thinking of you
And me
Life sentences
Words
Time.
Random design using a bath back scrubber as a starting point. I think it looks a bit like sea urchins with little feelers sticking out. Then again, it could be the inside of an alien spacecraft, or a sound deadening surface? Imagine this created in a 3d printer. What material, soft or hard, would it be made of? I could add paint to its surface to create a print, or use it to hold plant roots in… Imagination is fun.
I know that not everyone celebrates Christmas or even the new year at this time of year. Different religious traditions, different calendars and different beliefs or non beliefs mean that we all think and act differently.
But I hope that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t wish goodwill and peace to everyone. Life isn’t always easy, and I realise I have been lucky for most of my life. The luck of being born in a first world country, having a good education, being able and allowed to work, even freedom of speech. I wish we all had better times and lives. I profoundly hope that humans get their act together and work to save the planet and its animal, plant and human populations. Living through a pandemic sharpens your thoughts.
So I really do wish you as much joy and happiness as possible in your life.
Memories blur
Like old photos
Frosted glass
You can’t see clearly
Stains on your mind
From painful memories
The edges curl up
Fade and twist
What you remember
Might not be true
People say things
Imply things
Change the way you think
Without understanding
Without caring
To fit their stories
Making their lives better
At your expense.
Go out and hold
Your memories tight
Save them like
Green shield stamps
To pay the ferryman
Later…
Mallaband-Brown