Tag: Sleep

Mourning and bereavement

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When you lose someone it is complex and confusing. Especially when it is a sudden event. First there is disbelief, and that keeps flooding back. I keep wanting to talk to the person who is gone. Then I swear at them! Angry with them. Asking why did it happen? It’s unbelievable and shattering. Everything is on hold, I can’t decide what to do for the best. I’ve talked to lots of people, shared some of my feelings. I hope that’s the right thing to do. Life seems bad at the moment but at least I’m still trying to cope. Sleep is another problem. If you see me here late at night I might just be trying to take my mind off things.

Insomnia again, no!

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My mind is spinning again, and my body has been spinning in bed, left side, back, right side, left side, right, back, left…..

Sheet covering me, duvet and sheet, no sheet… Too hot, too cold. Pain in my toes, pain in my knee, back, neck..

Twisting and turning so much, it might be a dance. Now my guts are joining in, discomfort, so I’ve come down for a decaff coffee. Soon I’ll be back in bed. But while I’m here, at 5.15am, why not just check out my phone for stories, funny memes, memories, jokes…… Put it down! Put. It. Down…

Good morning x dawn will be breaking soon.

Hot buttered toast

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When you get up after two hours lying awake at four o’clock in the morning and need comfort food. A lightly toasted slice of white bread and the spread of your choice, and a decaffeinated beverage helps. The first thing I thought last night when I woke up was ‘toast’, I’d got to take a tablet, and I didn’t want to take it on an empty stomach. I remember making toast for people for breakfast in one of my jobs. When all the residents had had theirs we were allowed a slice of toast and a cup of tea. A five minute rest in a hectic morning. And doesn’t it look good enough to eat? I’ve managed to get about three hours sleep in total and all I want to do is get back to bed. But the toast was lovely.

No sleep!

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It was four o’clock before I lay down to sleep, but I couldn’t. I woke at six and put the radio on quietly, but got interested in the news. My legs and feet ache for some reason and my stomach is not right either. So I watched a few videos on m phone, big mistake. I promised to see someone at 11am today so I will try again, three hours would be better than none. My new trick of thinking of the word ‘the’ didn’t help this time, I think I need a painkiller but we don’t have anything in. Darn it.

Sleep and dream.

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Insomnia is a nuisance. It’s upset my sleep pattern for years. I still have trouble sleeping but someone told me a way of trying to alleviate the problem. I was told to think of the word ‘the’ to help me sleep. ‘the’ has nothing to latch onto, so while your brain is thinking of the word ‘the’ it’s hard to think of anything else. It actually seems to work for me.

It’s been a few weeks and I’ve actually found that I can get better sleep. My mind is sneaky though and as I’m starting to drift off it seems to insert the worries I’m trying to avoid, then I have to go back to ‘the’ again…. And sometimes again.

Another effect is that I’m having dreams, lots of them, I can’t remember them, but they seem quite interesting at the time. Maybe I should write them down.

Sleep

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Sleep, a wonderful thing. Dreaming of creatures, as long as they aren’t monsters. And if they are monsters then as long as they are friendly ones? My monster is insomnia, when the dreams WON’T come. When the dreams that do appear flit past my eyes for a second and are then gone. Like a butterfly snatched by a cat, or a dragonfly grabbed by a pike. Then awake again I have to watch the seconds click by. Close my eyes and the world swirls sideways. I need rest!