Sleep, a wonderful thing. Dreaming of creatures, as long as they aren’t monsters. And if they are monsters then as long as they are friendly ones? My monster is insomnia, when the dreams WON’T come. When the dreams that do appear flit past my eyes for a second and are then gone. Like a butterfly snatched by a cat, or a dragonfly grabbed by a pike. Then awake again I have to watch the seconds click by. Close my eyes and the world swirls sideways. I need rest!
What have I done today? After getting my results I decided to have a go at the new scientist crossword. Er… Help…. I got quite a lot but what is a US term for a bulrush or reed ace (7)? Or slow motion of earth down a slope (4,5)? I think it’s interesting that a ‘quick’ crossword for scientists is a slow one for me!
My head hurts. I sometimes sneak a look at a crossword clue answers page, but I try not to. Wow, the excitement!
Screaming for help from hubby this morning. I was just cleaning my glasses but with my shaking arm I wobbled and dropped them onto the kitchen floor. I picked them up, but a lens had come out. I tried to find it but having one focused and one unfocused eye didn’t help. Started shouting, but hubby was upstairs and is deaf. I looked all around, the eye with the missing lens closed so I was just looking out of the lens still in my glasses. I moved the fridge back a couple of inches very gingerly and moved the bin, no sign. I shouted some more and went upstairs and woke my hubby. Help! Please help! He came down and straight away found it! Half way down the kitchen under the overhanging base of the sink (how did it get there? Must have skittered across the floor). The lens wouldn’t fit in very well. So.. Tape? I found masking tape, and parcel tape, then a very broad roll of sellotape. I managed to cut a thin strip. The lens is just about in place. I’m going to get the opticians to fix it later…. So of course I decided to illustrate the glasses!
Abstract digital finger painting I have called ‘pulled’…
Pulls me three ways
How can I help?
Who needs me more
Stress hold my hands
Pulls my heart out!
How to split
Three different problems
Three people stuck?
If I’m pulled one way
I’m lulled into
But then it comes again
Another pang of guilt.
So show me a way to help
But me too!
I just looked down because I saw something from the corner of my eye… A huge house spider was boldly walking out from under my armchair! I don’t mind spiders normally, but I jumped! My hubby gently picked up the spider… And put it on the other side of the room! They are good for catching insects. I think it had come out to look for food. It had better watch out though. I’m afraid out cats patrol for them and sometimes catch them.
Yes, its almost 3.30am. No I can’t sleep. Yes, the neighbours security light keeps flashing on and off….flash.. flash…No, I can’t calm my thoughts, yes, I tried counting sheep. Yes, I just had a warm drink (decaff coffee). Yes, I am tired. No, I do’t know if I should be sticking commas after Yes, and No,. Yes, I WANT to sleep. Yes, his snoring doesnt help! No I can’t count sheep, they get blurry and disappear. No, it doesn’t help having to wear a mask for sleep aponea at night. Yes, I am too hot, but the house is too cold when I get out of bed. Yes I AM looking at a screen, which I know is bad for sleeping! Yes, aches and pains are NOT helping.
Yes, I try relaxation, sometimes it works, not tonight. Whats bugging me? I need to try and sort a friends problems out. No, I can’t tell her I don’t think I can help- I’m her friend. Yes, Covid is worrying me a lot. Yes, I’m very hot and bothered…. No- THIS IS NOT Helping! Oh well, better go back and TRY and SLEEP…
Hello Insomnia, my old friend, you’re keeping me awake again… its 3.40am- again.
My mind is a bit muddled at the moment. I am dealing with lots of ‘stuff’ and I feel overwhelming worry that I won’t get back on track. My life physically has been bothering me and I’m waiting for an appointment to try and find answers. I’m dealing with things for myself, my family and friends, and because I can put a good case for things I don’t mind helping. But when you persue various options and each one closes down it gets more and more frustrating. I wish I could herd cats, work out the best thing for us. I had to ask for help recently, and that was difficult. I’m a proud person and I don’t like to think I can’t cope. But you know those straws that broke the camels back? I think they are building up. Maybe I need to hibernate and look after myself, but turning away from others is not in my nature.
I still want a sculpture in our garden like this but the artist has not been in touch. I wonder if something has happened to him? Oh well, people get busy. I will try again and see if we can have it done.
A good friend came round earlier today and helped with our garden. It’s getting very overgrown and neither me or my hubby can manage it anymore. The whole thing needs cutting back and pruning. Unfortunately the wisteria was a casualty as it has grown into the ivy that has got onto the roof of the extension so it needs clearing. Then you might be able to see a sculpture!
Pulled my calf muscle trying to walk up a grassy slope while I was out singing at Burslem Port. I had a lift on Kay and Steve’s oatcake boat along the canal to Hanley then was driven home by Mark in our car. Richard, Mark and Ivan all helped me get about. Thanks to Kate, Greg, the staff and volunteers at Burslem. Everybody else for looking after me. I will have to try and get Roberts walking stick back to him. I’ve found stepping sideways is easier than trying to go forwards. I think upstairs is out of bounds at the moment. I hope I will be able to get around again and start walking in a few days. Glad I avoided an ambulance and A&E! Photo is a bag of frozen quorn tied against my calf muscle!
Don’t cry for those that are gone. They cannot feel your tears. Wherever they are they can’t hear you. Remember them but don’t cry. Cry for the living, cry for those that have lost loved ones, talk to them about their loss. Don’t stay quiet and hope it will be OK. They need your words of solace.
And don’t forget the poor, the ill and the starving. The ones that are always forgotten. Take care of them, support them. Help them where you can. One day you will be gone too, but others will still be here. Then hope they get help too from others. So life supports life. And share love.