Hot buttered toast

When you get up after two hours lying awake at four o’clock in the morning and need comfort food. A lightly toasted slice of white bread and the spread of your choice, and a decaffeinated beverage helps. The first thing I thought last night when I woke up was ‘toast’, I’d got to take a tablet, and I didn’t want to take it on an empty stomach. I remember making toast for people for breakfast in one of my jobs. When all the residents had had theirs we were allowed a slice of toast and a cup of tea. A five minute rest in a hectic morning. And doesn’t it look good enough to eat? I’ve managed to get about three hours sleep in total and all I want to do is get back to bed. But the toast was lovely.

No sleep!

It was four o’clock before I lay down to sleep, but I couldn’t. I woke at six and put the radio on quietly, but got interested in the news. My legs and feet ache for some reason and my stomach is not right either. So I watched a few videos on m phone, big mistake. I promised to see someone at 11am today so I will try again, three hours would be better than none. My new trick of thinking of the word ‘the’ didn’t help this time, I think I need a painkiller but we don’t have anything in. Darn it.

Sleep and dream.

Insomnia is a nuisance. It’s upset my sleep pattern for years. I still have trouble sleeping but someone told me a way of trying to alleviate the problem. I was told to think of the word ‘the’ to help me sleep. ‘the’ has nothing to latch onto, so while your brain is thinking of the word ‘the’ it’s hard to think of anything else. It actually seems to work for me.

It’s been a few weeks and I’ve actually found that I can get better sleep. My mind is sneaky though and as I’m starting to drift off it seems to insert the worries I’m trying to avoid, then I have to go back to ‘the’ again…. And sometimes again.

Another effect is that I’m having dreams, lots of them, I can’t remember them, but they seem quite interesting at the time. Maybe I should write them down.

Sleep

Sleep, a wonderful thing. Dreaming of creatures, as long as they aren’t monsters. And if they are monsters then as long as they are friendly ones? My monster is insomnia, when the dreams WON’T come. When the dreams that do appear flit past my eyes for a second and are then gone. Like a butterfly snatched by a cat, or a dragonfly grabbed by a pike. Then awake again I have to watch the seconds click by. Close my eyes and the world swirls sideways. I need rest!

Why can’t I sleep?

Cats can snooze anywhere. I can hear this one snoring next to me. But I just lie awake. A million thoughts tangle in my head, health issues, pain in my feet and shoulder, snoring from hubby, then there was hunger, thirst. Went and had a slice of toast and a decaff coffee. I did finish a couple of paintings. When I went back to bed I did what I sometimes do and put the radio on to murmur me to sleep, but last night it was too interesting. Even the shipping forecast ‘Dover, Wight, Portland, Plymouth, North backing North West, 25 miles, good, occasional rain and mist. Two to three.’ Something like that. Then there’s a news briefing, farming today, a prayer for today, tweet of the day (birdsong) then into the Today programme. Radio four. Somewhere around six thirty I fell asleep only to be woken at ten by my hubby who had slept for twelve hours! Argh!

Sleeping cat

Getting his zzzzeds in. I love it when he comes in and settles down on the arms of the chairs between us. He has his own sparkly purple cushion. I tap on it and he jumps up. Then he will lie down and extend his front paws. I love touching his paws because its like a show of trust between us after being an outside abandoned cat for so long. Then he curls up and goes to sleep. Yes I know cats sleep for hours. But I see this as a sign that he knows that he is safe now.

Draco

My mind is racing, I cannot sleep. My hand has held a paintbrush and suddenly the impetus is there to paint again despite the shaking and wobbling. I started three more small paintings tonight, a kingfisher, then this dragon, and finally a face I’ve called medusa. All works in progress. I think the illustration side of me is leaking into my paintings!