When did I become captain sensible?

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I’d like to be silly, daft, funny, have a laugh. But recently I’ve had to become, as my hubby calls me ‘ captain sensible’.

The thing is I’m his carer. I don’t like thinking about it but he has mental health issues and I have to keep a level head to keep him safe. But I don’t like it. I have to negotiate with him when he has manic ideas. I have to think through what he can do. I sometimes feel like a jailer. And yet I’m being sensible. I don’t think he should go and find a newt and put it in the pond, or buy another three bicycles to add to his collection of ten he already has. Or come home with another tree for our wooded garden. Some things are simple negotiation. Others are confusing. He buys ornaments we don’t need. He spends money in one particular shop on stuff that’s basically junk. But he’s happy. But they must see him coming… I worry about some of the things he declares he’s going to do. I won’t discuss them here. I can’t describe the anxiety he goes through every day, over things I would call trivial. I try and hold it all together and then live my life on top of that..

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I miss them…

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One if the worst things about the Internet is when people disappear and you don’t know where they have gone.

I have ‘lost’ a few people here recently. Perhaps it’s a new year and they have cancelled their membership, or decided blogging isn’t for them. Some of them had become friends, or I’d invested some time in reading their blogs. Some explained that this wasn’t working and they were going, others just disappeared. I can’t help saying I miss them. One person passed away. I knew she had been ill and I was sad to find out she was gone. At least there was a message put on her page to say she had died. I could grieve. But sometimes there is nothing, they become ghosts in my memory, sitting there, with no explanation. Then there are people who’s pages on Facebook are still open despite having died two or three years ago. Each time I see their faces on my friends list I feel sorrow, and yet it would feel wrong to ‘unfollow’ them. What to do. The etiquette of the Internet.. We need to learn.

Got to paint

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I’ve got to get on and paint. I’ve been distracted recently. I’m going to get my paints and brushes out tomorrow.

This is a close up of my Holly and Ivy painting that I started a couple of weeks ago.

We live in a  world where art can be worth millions or pence, where there is no set price for anything. If you buy a TV they generally are a certain amount of money. If you do a painting of a TV then it seems to depend on who painted it, how well known they are. Whether there is a resale value. It also seems to depend on scarcity and if the person is alive or dead when generally the art is worth more. It’s a funny old world.

Anyway all that said I think art is important and I will keep making it.

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Titchy theatre

Today we went to the Harpers Titchy Theatreup at the village hall. We went to listen to short plays written by about 17 people (including my partner and myself). The stories were varied and ranged from subjects about flying a plane to Lancashire in 1963. The name was chosen for a gentleman who passed away last year.

The idea was to write on about two pages of a4 paper. A play or poem to be read by up to 3 or 4 people.

My stories were about monsters and overhearing a conversation. My partners was about childhood memories.

I don’t have the originals because they were hand written and had to be typed up. When I get them back I will copy them to this site.

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Are your walls full?

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Clutter or art. I have such a visual brain that I love to see things on my walls. But I know my way is not everyone’s way.

But I would argue that there is some wonderful, arresting, interesting and challenging art out there and as an artist I like to add to it.

So if you would like something painting or drawing get in touch. I would be so happy to create something for you.

Compassion

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The days are darker and colder now. The leaves have fallen off the trees and the homeless lie shivering on pavements in the city.

I met a homeless man a few weeks ago. He cannot find a home because he owed rent arrears, he cannot see a GP because he does not have an address. He cannot get free health care and has to buy medicine, while being homeless.

I spoke to him and he had a broken ankle, he needed care. Since then he has been to hospital where his leg, now ulcerated, was being dressed with bandages.

Now it’s a few weeks later and I saw him again asking for spare change. I gave him some and asked him how his leg was. He loosened the bandages and I could smell it. The skin is grey and black and he pulled a bit of it off. He needed money to buy dressings and also to get a bed for the night and to see an emergency nurse.

I gave him enough money to do this. I cannot ignore it. He could lose his leg, he could get gangrene or septicemia.

He has problems, I see that, he may be an addict or have a drink problem. But how can I walk by?

How can this world lack compassion? How can we put people in a position where they cannot access health care, cannot sleep in a bed, cannot have dignity? And there are so many more  elderly, sick, people with mental health problems, refugees, the destitute, the outcasts of society in my country and across the world.

When did we decide not to be compassionate? To take money from the poorest to give to the richest?

There is a statistic… 80 men own as much wealth as half of the world’s population… That’s 80 to 3,500,000,000….

Is that fair?

Have compassion, don’t walk on the other side of the street. There but for the grace of god go I.