New paintings and regular art updates.
Something in my brain ‘dings’
I remember how the song ‘sings’
Music has a way of sticking
Notes together, metronome ticking.
Sound comes back as mouth opens
Words come out, with the vocals
Songs from months or years ago
We remember how they go!
From some dark corner of my mind..
My vocal chords my brain reminds
The timing, tempo, notes and all..
Into a pattern they all fall
My joy as memory keeps going
And music, memories it keeps sowing…
It dawned on me this morning, the walls around me have grown… I’ve felt hemmed in by the pandemic, and tied down by ropes attached to concrete blocks. Not physically but mentally, emotionally, sadly.
Why? It stems from fear of what might happen. There is a word ‘catastrophise’ that I’ve heard recently. Maybe that’s what I’m doing. Plus hubbys situation bothers me, I feel very protective. Then again, as I age, bits of me don’t work properly. I tried to do something about it, but the authorities don’t seem to understand. It’s made me despondent to some extent. My prevarication is getting to me.
Sorry to lay all of this at your doors, I think by speaking out it allows me to order my thoughts. Those walls need to come down, and I need to let some light in, I need to be less of a scardey cat… But it’s not easy..
What job would you do for free?
One of my old murals. I would love to still be doing these and if I had enough money to live on I would volunteer to do things like this for free. Maybe in a children’s ward, or some landscapes for a community centre. I have actually done one or two for free as a volunteer in the past. My first was painting the scenery at my senior school a few decades ago. I wish I’d got photos of it.
My only problem is my health. I can’t move as well as I used to and my balance is not good. I sake a lot so I can’t paint as smooth a line as I did in the past. Age seems to be catching up with me. It’s frustrating because this is the sort of thing I love doing. I get great satisfaction from it. I cannot remember when I didn’t paint or draw. It has been my life when I’ve been able to do it.
I walked under a tree today and noticed little katkins had opened up under it. The sky was blue but the clouds behind me were dark grey and angry looking. The rain had stopped about half an hour before and I liked the dark blue reflection on the road surface. This was in the centre of Stoke, where I was taking a flat walk because my feet are aching. It was good to get out of the house again, I’m hoping it helps me relax more. X
I was recently diagnosed with golfers elbow, and should be resting my arm, but I think it’s partly being cause because of my shaking arm. I’m trying to hold it still but I think that’s causing the muscles on the inside of my elbow to tighten and clench. That being said it hurts when I hold my phone in my left hand, but I would have thought my right arm would be involved too? Anyway I think I will blog more on my pc and rest my arm. Isn’t life wonderful?!
After several months of little or no activity my brain kicked in and I’ve started walking again. I went from virtually zero to around five thousand steps a day. I think I am finally better after illness and sad times. My health is by no means perfect, I’m having lots of problems with pain, but if I don’t make the effort things will only get worse. Sitting watching daytime TV is not the best use of my time, and I’m hoping more activity will also get my creativity going again.
Thank you to my hubby for rescuing me this morning. I was trying to get out of bed. I swung my legs out but ended up floundering on the edge. Half in and half out. My hubby came round and assisted me. I felt my bum sliding off the edge of the bed. I think. I was short of oxygen. I feel weak as a kitten. I hope this doesn’t get worse.
We got a letter off our energy company today. Our yearly bills are set to DOUBLE. I then saw a video of a comedy programme from the 1970’s on Facebook in which a man is being encouraged to save energy by using a hot water bottle, to which he responds he can’t afford to boil a kettle. Other suggestions include using a car less (he doesn’t own one), eating healthily (on his income he can’t afford to), and heating meals thoroughly (he can’t afford to have his cooker on). It was funny, but it shows things were not so different fifty years ago! Later on they showed a public information film from about the same time. This was to encourage the population to save energy by only heating one room in their home instead of heating the whole house do that the NHS and hospitals would have enough energy to stay open!
Seriously though it does make you wonder about open plan living, maybe people should rebuild internal walls?
Cats can snooze anywhere. I can hear this one snoring next to me. But I just lie awake. A million thoughts tangle in my head, health issues, pain in my feet and shoulder, snoring from hubby, then there was hunger, thirst. Went and had a slice of toast and a decaff coffee. I did finish a couple of paintings. When I went back to bed I did what I sometimes do and put the radio on to murmur me to sleep, but last night it was too interesting. Even the shipping forecast ‘Dover, Wight, Portland, Plymouth, North backing North West, 25 miles, good, occasional rain and mist. Two to three.’ Something like that. Then there’s a news briefing, farming today, a prayer for today, tweet of the day (birdsong) then into the Today programme. Radio four. Somewhere around six thirty I fell asleep only to be woken at ten by my hubby who had slept for twelve hours! Argh!
Mondays are laugh along with a limerick day from Esther Chiltons blog.
I usually just write something and post it there but the prompt ‘shake’ struck a nerve (pun intended) so I decided to share it here too. I do have a shake and I am waiting for an appointment to find out the cause. And it doesn’t really pause. It keeps shaking, even at night. And I’m really tired and fed up. So here it is.
Mallaband-Brown