Stressed

Oh hell!

I feel so stressed. I had a message a month ago from my Internet service provider that they were no longer supporting other applications that could be used to pick u your email. I thought a) it might be a scam, or b) it wasn’t that important. But speaking to a friend I realised I did need to sort it out. But when I tried today I couldn’t get it to accept my password? Why? I tried an old password, still no. And it kept saying it was sending a verification code to my land-line. So I needed to add my mobile number somehow!? Hair pulling ensued? What! I looked at my old password ( I know I shouldn’t write it down), and underneath the old password in tiny writing was another one. Could it be? Yes! Now what? Give us another email address to recover you email to. OK I could do that. Then find my email application and copy and paste a one off password (which I’ve made sure I wrote down)….

Done!

Suddenly a lot of the tension in my shoulders has dissipated. The fear that has been building up for weeks has reduced. All I can say is, that was very complicated and I hope I never have to do it again!

I am a tight knot

Tension, in my body. The more talk about covid the tender I get. Like a mad game of twister I’m tied up in knots. My shoulders, my neck. My hands are tense, even my toes are tense! I ache, I feel like I will explode sometimes. How do I relax. How do I let the tightness in my limbs unfurl. Knots, knotted, tied up in knots… Back, hands, neck, tight.

War of the worlds film

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Going from something I love, to something I hate.

I hate this film, starring Tom Cruise. I admit its very good. But it’s so bleak. It’s a horror road movie, everyone running, panicking, and getting killed.

When I first watched it years ago I was mesmerised by the special effects. But now, it’s on during a pandemic, and I can see how people react to a tiny virus. How would they react to something larger and malevolent.

I don’t want to give too many details as people may not have watched it. But I guess I’ve pretty much explained what happens… Guy meets monster, guy runs away from monster, monster finds guy…. Guy escapes….

There was a version on BBC TV a few months ago. It was more directly based on the original book by H. G. Wells. Set in Victorian times, it was still chilling.

So I really want cheerful films, but hubby vetoed me.

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On my shoulders

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The weight of the world,

making me creak,

making me break,

making me crumble and quake.

Pushing me down,

pushing me under,

finding a crack,

break me asunder.

Restricted and tight,

no room for movement,

shoulders so stiff,

I want to surrender.

Sleep is my safety,

sleep is my friend,

but like a lost child,

I cannot find peace.

Dreams do not come,

only a blackness,

to tired to think,

curled on my mattress.

One day I’ll wake,

free from this tension,

or I’ll be gone,

broken,

departed.

Tension

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I wake on a cliff edge.

Teetering, tottering..

Tension racks my shoulders

Stiff, creaking joints.

Sleep does not touch the tightness.

I feel like bones will break.

Mentally I’m OK,

Physically I’m OK

But my mind is tying my body in knots.

Spine fused with tension.

Like a gathering storm.

Waves waiting to break,

Teeth ground to sand.

Life fights.

Thunder clashes overhead.

Will I fall?

Will I stand.

Still.

 

River

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Standing on the bridge looking over into the turbulent waters of the stream. She did not realise that in a few hours the water would be flowing above it. Mud and rocks were being washed down from the local hills, trees had slipped down the hillsides, branches had been broken from their boughs by a storm.

She walked along the waters edge, seeing the beauty of the land, green and verdant. She heard the rumble of thunder but it sounded hushed and far away. She walked down stream into a narrow valley, the birds were singing loudly, the sound echoing from the rocks.

She felt a gust of wind and realised the storm was getting closer. She hurried along the path, the road was half a mile away….

Now the wind and rain were rushing past her, each minute the squall grew stronger. She heard a rumbling sound and turned to look. A wall of black mud, tree trunks, churned towards her. She started to run and climb up the steep sides of the valley. Would she reach high ground in time?