The finals of the Euros is happening and our town is like a ghost town. I snuck a look on line and currently it’s England 1, Italy 1 in the final of the European Cup.
It’s extra time and it’s hard ignoring it. There were roars and cheers outside over an hour ago, then nothing. How can our lives be invested in such a trivial thing? It feels like a tournament in medieval times, a gladiator contest.
So I’m keeping my head down, watching the catch up episode of the Handmaid’s tale by Margaret Attwood and thinking what a strange world this is.
Tension, in my body. The more talk about covid the tender I get. Like a mad game of twister I’m tied up in knots. My shoulders, my neck. My hands are tense, even my toes are tense! I ache, I feel like I will explode sometimes. How do I relax. How do I let the tightness in my limbs unfurl. Knots, knotted, tied up in knots… Back, hands, neck, tight.
I’m tense all the time. My hubby went out walking today with some friends and I stayed in ostensibly to get some college work done but really I want to keep away from possible infection. I don’t like it though. I’m constantly tense. I get pains in my shoulders from holding them tight all the time. I’ve tried to book some physio because I’m getting pain from a pinched nerve in my arm and shoulder… But there are no free appointments. Hubby says he will pay, but I’d rather trust the NHS than go private?
So the tension continues. I’ve even found myself rocking backwards and forwards to comfort myself. I don’t think I’m depressed just physically reacting to the pandemic. Stay safe everyone.
I don’t put up pictures of myself very often. Why would you want to see me? I only had five hours sleep. I have pulled something in my arm, I think it’s a trapped nerve in my neck and I keep ending up in pain when I lie down. So if you will forgive me here I am. I’m tired and grumpy. I hope to get an appointment with a physio soon but there are not many appointments. I think I have what I’m calling lock down neck. My shoulders are constantly tense, tight and painful. I do feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Oh well….
22.4.20, about a month into lockdown. I wonder what was going through my mind? I don’t think I was as nervous then as I am now. I was thinking about food. Now I’m thinking about not going out, despite the pubs opening up carefully and hairdressers and other non essential shops. Do I feel like going out? No, I think this is too early. Especially where alcohol is involved. I’ve seen groups of four or five men walking past the house, looking like they are off for a ‘good night out’.
What can I say. I understand people need to escape. I feel so tense I’m shaking. How do refugees and people in war torn areas survive? We are lucky. The problem might cause massive problems with wealth but I want people to be safe and survive this. Ah well, maybe I will do another drawing x.
View out the back door. The yard needs work but there is a passing thunderstorm so I’m keeping dry and watching a classic race from 2018 in the tour de France. At least the heat has gone. Its a good thing to I was shattered yesterday. Still tired now. I didn’t sleep well because of the humidity.
The madness continues my hubby is not happy. Grumpy. We are winding each other up in this weather. Even my feet feel tense. I have a low level tension running through me. All my muscles are tight. I feel like exploding. I think I will go out in the rain…..