Waiting

Tied in knots.. An old drawing from the 80’s

The results of this semesters work on the illustration course I am doing are not due out till the middle of June but we go back to work at the start of June. So effectively we are starting back without knowing if we have passed or failed. The fees are due so you might also pay without knowing if you are allowed to continue. To say there are quite a few nervous students about is no joke. Tied in knots, waiting to see what happens next.

The other side of the studio.

Looking in through the door to the left side of the studio. I’ve got a lot of work that has been exhibited, I just need to sell some of it! I woukd like to find a good art site to sell my work for a reasonable amount (not an on line auction, or on the other hand, an expensive and exclusive site). I just want these to go to good homes.

Have been offered a space in an exhibition for local artists in June. That will be fun! It’s been a whole year since I’ve dealt with the public face to face. I feel quite nervous about it.

Eek!

I was just watching a film when something (I think it was a spider) walked across the neck of my jumper right under my chin. Eek. I jumped up from my chair! I usually like spiders, but not ones that are only an inch from my mouth! I pulled my jumper off and threw it across the room….. I couldn’t see the spider and I hope it didn’t get squashed! You can tell how jumpy its made me because of all the exclamation marks I’ve used. Eek!

It might have been a ladybird, trying to remember it’s shape and calming down now…. The cat had been sitting on my lap and he got dumped on the floor because of me jumping….

Fireworks

Bang! Crash! Flash!

It’s not bonfire night and yet fireworks are going off all over the place tonight! Don’t know why but it sounds horrendous. When I opened the back door to let the cat in he didn’t want to come in though. He’s a tough outdoor cat. He prefers being outside. So I gave him extra food. I keep going to the door and calling him, that wsy if he does decide he wants to be in I can let him in….. I’ll put him some more food out later…. At least the whiz bang crashes seem to have settled down now!

Hubby digging

Fork in hand, pulling up weeds, tweed overcoat on, wearing a deerstalker hat, and enjoying a showery morning at Shelton allotments. No sketching challenge today, but we later met with some friends at a social distance so I got my sketch pad out again while enjoying a pleasant coffee in a Portuguese cafe. My nerves were a bit jangly after two seperate meetings with people so I wore a mask on both occasions and gloves when I was weeding. It’s hard to think the world might be going back to normal even though covid 19 is still here.

In a bubble

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I’m tense all the time. My hubby went out walking today with some friends and I stayed in ostensibly to get some college work done but really I want to keep away from possible infection. I don’t like it though. I’m constantly tense. I get pains in my shoulders from holding them tight all the time. I’ve tried to book some physio because I’m getting pain from a pinched nerve in my arm and shoulder…  But there are no free appointments. Hubby says he will pay, but I’d rather trust the NHS than go private?

So the tension continues. I’ve even found myself rocking backwards and forwards to comfort myself. I don’t think I’m depressed just physically reacting to the pandemic. Stay safe everyone.

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Drawing in April

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22.4.20, about a month into lockdown. I wonder what was going through my mind? I don’t think I was as nervous then as I am now. I was thinking about food. Now I’m thinking about not going out, despite the pubs opening up carefully and hairdressers and other non essential shops. Do I feel like going out? No, I think this is too early. Especially where alcohol is involved. I’ve seen groups of four or five men walking past the house, looking like they are off for a ‘good night out’.

What can I say. I understand people need to escape. I feel so tense I’m shaking. How do refugees and people in war torn areas survive? We are lucky. The problem might cause massive problems with wealth but I want people to be safe and survive this. Ah well, maybe I will do another drawing x.

Lost cats

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Two years ago this is what I wrote on Facebook :

“Missing two black and white cats, in our house, somewhere under or behind the furniture….hopefully they will emerge when they get hungry. Hubby has been looking for them half the night. I keep telling him that will just scare them more…. I don’t know whether to get one of those plug in things that gives off a calming scent for cats?”

The photo is of the female who I hadn’t got to know as they had only been here for two days. At the time I didn’t know she was pregnant with four kittens (who we successfully rehomed). She is now very happy living here with her brother. They don’t hide, they like us now. I did get some of that stuff that calms cats down and it worked.

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And so it grows dark again.

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It’s getting dark again, and all around the house figures are appearing from the trees. Looking in through the windows, clamouring to enter.

Semi transparent, glimmering in the setting sunlight. They have been there since winter began. I think they are spirits. They hold me in. I’m trapped at night until the sun rises again. Fifteen hours, unless the day is overcast and then they arrive earlier and leave later.

If I run out of milk I drink water, if I run out of fresh food I have saved rice and beans. I will not risk going out. The car is parked far away and I’m too nervous to run to it.

Lately as the dark has deepened the creatures have been more determined. I’m hoping as the sun comes back, as it sets later and rises earlier, I will be freed. But now, drat it, the change creeps across the sky. The creatures must know it. Only seconds difference.

Last night they rattled the back door. This morning I found the cat flap open and the key on the floor. It was too far away to be reached where it had fallen. Today I’m hiding the key and putting things behind the door to reinforce it. But that means walking through the kitchen, and sometimes, sometimes, I see them watching me.