Driving badly

Posted on September 28, 2025 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged Apologies, Blue lights, bright sunlight, Car, Driving, Fear, Glare, Police, Shock, Upset6 Comments

Tired and shaking. Had a lovely day rehearsing for Middleport next weekend. I needed some decaff coffee and drove up to tescos. Got my shopping. The sun was low as I pulled out of the garage forecourt. There was a car coming but I had time. I swear it sped up and I had to quickly pull out of it’s way…. It was a police car! Blue lights flashing. I pulled over apologising profusely. I was shaking with shock because Parkinsons gets worse when you are stressed. I have no driving offences and the last time I was stopped was for an indicator not working 20 years ago! I will never do that again. The policewoman drove me home while her colleague followed. Now I’m worried I might lose my licence as they have to report it to the DVLA. I feel like a complete idiot… Don’t put yourself at risk. Make sure you have enough time to pull out and don’t forget to give way! Big lesson learnt.

My garden

Posted on May 16, 2025 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged broken heart, Bushes, Council, Garden, Hedge, Overgrown, Sad, Time, Upset, warning, Worry2 Comments

My garden is overgrown, particularly the front hedge which is trees and bushes. The local council has sent me a warning letter to get it cut back in 14 days. But I’m physically not capable of doing it, I’m on a low income and my garden is a haven for birds, squirrels, sometimes hedgehogs and bats. I’m going to try and get it done, but will have to rely on friends as my hubby died 18 months ago.

What is worse is I struggle with anxiety and having a letter addressed to the both of us really upset me. I found myself crying on the phone to a council worker. It makes me feel like my heart is breaking. I just wish hubby was still here. Meanwhile I will try and plead for some more time.

New neighbour

Posted on August 20, 2024August 20, 2024 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Bonfire, Burning, Disturbed, Empty, Garden rubbish, Neighbour, Sad, Time, Upset3 Comments

He’s moving in, cut back his garden, and I feel encroached on. For the last few days he’s been burning the plants he cut down. I explained I want to put the washing on the line so he said he would stop, so I put a load of washing on a fast wash. Span it a couple of times. Meanwhile the smoke abated. I decided to do some washing up and to empty the bins. When I looked again? The smoke had started up again.

He appears to be OK, but I feel a bit bullied. Next door was empty for a year, which was peaceful. But now he’s pestering me to get my garden cut back. I’ll get it tidied, but it’s going to cost thousands to cut down and I don’t want to, it’s my nature haven. With him on one side and the shop on the other hacking at my hedge I feel like I’m being assaulted from both sides. I feel less safe than when things were emptied. Now he’s taking my brown bin to put garden rubbish in. I’m letting him use it once but I have explained it’s my bin and I pay to have it emptied.

Fears

Posted on March 29, 2024March 29, 2024 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged Anxiety, Fears, Insomnia, Life, Memories, OK, Sadness, slack, Thinking, Time, Tired, Upset, WorldLeave a comment

Today is a hiding day. Lots of thoughts and fears roaming around the inside of my head. I need to get things done but I don’t feel like doing them. I’m going to give myself some slack, just a few hours to feel safe.

Yesterday I was more optimistic, I got some things done I’d been putting off. I’ve even started my gratitude book again. And later I will go out as the cats won’t have anything to eat if I don’t. But yesterday afternoon something happened that put everything into another perspective. And I just froze. I’m only hinting, I’m not going to say, and I think I will be OK, it was something mental not physical. I’m OK. I will be OK.

Facebook just restricted me!

Posted on December 16, 2023 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged against Facebook community standards!, Angry, ban, Grief, spam, unhelpful, Upset10 Comments

Why? I didn’t follow community standards! I can’t see how to object or explain myself, we are ruled by AI!

What? I’m on it too much, I might be adding spam!

All I did was ask when people want to celebrate my hubbys life.

I asked people to say day or night. Lots of people have commented and I was either pressing love or like to their comments.

Now I’m not allowed back for 1 hour!

So if you are grieving don’t talk to people on Facebook. They clearly don’t like it. I’m angry and upset.

Rode hall today

Posted on May 5, 2023 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Bluebells, Cold, Hail, Lightning, Rain, Rode hall, Soaked, Thunderstorm, Upset, Walk, Wet2 Comments

We went to see the bluebell walk at Rode hall today but stopped to talk to a lady that was very upset and distressed about something.

As we were chatting to her we all got caught in a thunderstorm with hail and heavy rain. We got soaked and decided to abandon the walk. Thankfully I had a discussion with someone from the hall and we can go back on Sunday. Above are pre bluebell walk photos with lowering dark clouds.

The hall is off the A34 between Scholar Green and Rode Heath:

Rode Hall, Church Ln, Scholar Green, Stoke-on-Trent ST7 3QP

Beepbeepbeep beep

Posted on January 2, 2023 Posted in UncategorizedTagged beeping, bleeping, distracted, Insomnia, Noise, Poem, Poetry, Sound, uncomfortable, UpsetLeave a comment

Unexpected item in the freezer area..

The ice cream is defrosting

Icebergs float past

My glacier is shrinking

Mussels in an icy glaze are thawing

I’ve deleted my icecubes

The TV is not drowning the beeping

In fact the ice water might flood

With teeny tiny icebergs

Floating past…and me

My heart is frozen stone

My dreams destroyed by BLEEPing!

But only a first world problem….

Upset last night…

Posted on November 7, 2022 Posted in Sketching, UncategorizedTagged Art, Black and white drawing, Drawing, Insomnia, Memory, Poem, Poetry, Sadness, Sketching, Storm, Thought, Tired, UpsetLeave a comment

My eyes flood with tidal waves of tears.

Storm clouds have darkened my brows.

Salt tears course down my cheeks.

Time has flown, she is gone.

My sister – my twin.

Written and drawn at 4am. Things just got to me again and it seemed a good way of expressing myself.

Flytipping update?

Posted on October 4, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Alleyway, Blocked, Builder, Council, Flytipping, Plants, Plastic, Rubbish, soil, Upset2 Comments

Our alleyway is blocked off by this pile of rubbish that a builder has moved off his land. I have reported it to my council a few times over the last few weeks. I haven’t chased it up as much as I could because of my sisters death. I hope it will be moved soon as it is preventing my neighbours access to the back of their properties. I think it’s disgusting that someone can just tip this and not face some form of action. Apparently the flats he has been working on are due to be shown on a TV housing auction show! Perhaps if he is paid an appearance fee he can use it to pay to clear up his mess!

Mourning and bereavement

Posted on September 20, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged bereavement, coping, feeling, Healing, Learning, Sad, Sleep, Talking, Time, Tired, Upset4 Comments

When you lose someone it is complex and confusing. Especially when it is a sudden event. First there is disbelief, and that keeps flooding back. I keep wanting to talk to the person who is gone. Then I swear at them! Angry with them. Asking why did it happen? It’s unbelievable and shattering. Everything is on hold, I can’t decide what to do for the best. I’ve talked to lots of people, shared some of my feelings. I hope that’s the right thing to do. Life seems bad at the moment but at least I’m still trying to cope. Sleep is another problem. If you see me here late at night I might just be trying to take my mind off things.

Mallaband-Brown

Tag: Upset