New paintings and regular art updates.
My old boy cat is getting thin. He is on medication for his heart, but that seems to be making him thinner. I don’t know his actual age because he was a rescue cat about 8 years ago. I didn’t find out his age then but he was fully grown. I’m having to accept he won’t be around for much longer. I’m giving him him lots of treats. He’s getting small meals but as often as he wants. I can’t make him eat but I can try and tempt him. At least he can sit in the sun if he wants.
What is the most important thing to carry with you all the time?
A simple thing
But I have my keys
Close by..
If I lose them I panic
I’m stuck without them
Don’t know where
There’s any spare!
Sometimes they go
Where? I don’t know..
Under the clock?
My mind mocks me?
Why can’t I see?
So I keep them safe
Those special
Keys to my heart.
Is my heart broken?
I have to find out..
A failure to function
I want to scream and shout!
How many more things
Can fall off, or break,
This last year has been awful
For goodness sake!
Each time I get over
One thing and another
Life comes and bites me
Will I ever recover?
The nights are getting longer
The days slightly shorter
It’s almost bedtime
But I’m hot
My heart aches, my mind too
So I’ll sit and watch TV a bit
No sensible thoughts in my mind
Just watching the nights decline
Into a slow dawn.
Maybe the sun will shine bright
In the morning after this night.
I don’t know
Time goes slow
When you’re alone
With the pain of loss.
Always by my side. Now I’m a widow. What a weird word. My fate was to be left behind. Yours was to leave first.
The cats keep looking for you. The house is quiet. No explosions of humour and excitement. Just full but empty. Echoing with your life. Your things are everywhere. Your books, your clothes, shoes, things. What do I do?
Lots of support, I’m organising and tidying. Getting advice. Looking for help. Trying to stay calm. Alert about my body, my health.
Time will pass, I will seek support, I must try and go on. Enough sadness for a whole lifetime has poured like molten metal into my heart, burning and breaking. But I must go on.
When the exact size and shaped leaf falls on your picnic plate. I moved it over to line up with the stem. I had to take a photo
Today was a good one. I sang, I laughed, I cried and I felt supported by friends and by the world. I found a plastic heart that had fallen off a picture and was stuck with bluetack to the bottom of my slipper. But that bit of plastic was whole, not broken. A sign? Perhaps, I took the decision to accept it as that and it made me smile.
I went to the opening of Arts and Minds which is a gallery and support space for veterans today. It is at Middleport in stoke-on-trent. They were selling crocheted poppies for remembrance day, but they also had a few purple poppies for healing. I bought one and am wearing it on my jumper near my heart. It’s symbolic of how I feel. My heart is breaking and needs to heal. I’ve tried to Kee busy today, but somehow feel sadder.
Palpitating
Beating
Shuddering
Ticking
Heart ache
Soft
Emotions
Feelings
Meaning
Healthy
Pumping
Pressure
Blood
Peaceful
Heart
Love
❤️
I see all ways
Up, down, side to side
A window on the world
No where to hide.
Flying through space
Into the distance
Blackbird swoops
Sings and spirals
In joy and love.
Like my heart
In the summer
Like a butterfly
Fluttering.
How many hearts did I draw? I can’t count them. They took a while to sketch. I’m not sure what I drew them for. I think I’d like to see more love and peace in the world. I would rather draw something like this in the situation the world is in at the moment. I know I can’t change things much, but I can say it. Life is difficult for so many, but the John Lennon song ‘Imagine’ , and also the song ‘Give Peace a Chance’ mean a lot to me. Maybe we should try and do that?
Mallaband-Brown