Thanking God?

Posted on November 2, 2024November 2, 2024 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged agnostic, Annoying, gods, holier than though, hypocritical, Irritating, Opinion, pray, Sadness, Thinking5 Comments

I just read a random post on Facebook that said if someone I knew was dead that was younger than me, that I should take a few seconds to Thank God for Saving me!

I thought about this and replied:

“This is really upsetting, I have lost people recently and to think someone could be so crass as too say they weren’t worthy in some way? Also what about all the innocent people that die in wars, hurricanes, floods and other natural disasters? Was that because they didn’t pray enough? I’m proudly agnostic, I don’t pretend to know the “truth”.”

The point is that whoever wrote it does not know the people I’ve lost, cannot say if they were good or bad. Their deaths were random. A big finger didn’t come out of the sky and strike them dead.

When someone you know dies, it’s a body blow, it’s overwhelming. It’s not a competition to see which one of you is a “winner” in some deities eyes. And if I could bring them back for one second I would. Maybe I’d be more inclined to pray, but I can’t, so I won’t. We don’t live in a fairytale.

I used to think I was a kid at heart

Posted on October 29, 2024October 29, 2024 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged Art, Cheerful, Childhood, dailyprompt, dailyprompt-2106, Fun, Love, Me, Sadness, TimeLeave a comment

What does it mean to be a kid at heart?

Up until recently I think I’ve been a child at heart. I loved to joke, to see the lighter side of life. I liked nothing more than a good comedy, or watching silly videos. Using puns or wordplay to make merry.

But now? A year of world tragedy, personal grief, heath issues has stomped on my head.

I want a time machine, a way of going back, or at least a way of improving my timeliness. Give me a glimmer of hope, lift some of the gloom. Let me get my hands in paint again, spreading colour and love around me. Give me a box of glitter to shake over it. Please. X

Old pears.

Posted on October 25, 2024 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged Food, Fruit, Gardening, Growth, Life, Memories, Pears, Plants, Sadness, Trees, Watering4 Comments

My pear tree didn’t set any pears this year. I think it was in a sulk because my hubby passed away and I think I neglected it. He used to water the garden for hours but I can’t get the hose pipe round into the main garden.

Moving forward, I’ve been getting help trying to trim back the overgrowth. I still have tall trees but some of the lower branches have been cut to allow more light in. How will it progress? I’m hoping for a wildlife garden but with a few brighter plants to cheer it up, (and plenty of pears again)

Seahorse

Posted on September 16, 2024September 16, 2024 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged Beach, Blank verse, Gone, Memory, Photo, Poem, Poetry, Sadness, Sand, Seahorse, Seaside, TimeLeave a comment

For years I drew seahorses on the sand

A holiday tradition.

He would watch while I drew

Happy in admiration

Sunny, bright days,

Soft sand

Holding hands.

I started doing this

30 years ago

Seahorses gallop into the waves

Dragging my memories

In the undertow

Last week I walked towards a beach

Did not step onto it

Did not pick up a stick and draw

Did not depict this watery creature

I don’t know if I ever will

Again….

Sand particles washed and blown

Away…

Has my tide turned?

I don’t know…

Heartless

Posted on August 30, 2024August 30, 2024 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged Gone, Grief, hurting, Invisible?, Memories, Pain, Poem, Poetry, Sadness, silent, Sleep, TimeLeave a comment

Where did you go?

I have invisible memories of you

I notice at night

It’s as if you are next to me

Silently I listen for you

But only hear the cat, snoring quietly

I do feel watched over

After more than 40 years

Gone in an instant

I would love to have you back

If it would mend my broken heart.

Cut

Posted on August 4, 2024 Posted in UncategorizedTagged destroyed, Gardening, Gone, hacked, House sparrows, Lost, nests, no life, Poem, Poetry, Roots, Sad, SadnessLeave a comment

My yard, flowers

Apple tree grows,

Next door? Hedge gone

Cut, hacked, defiled.

The view now, roofs

The birds homes shattered.

Where will the roost tonight,

Open up? Let in the light?

But shade gone, it will be blasted by heat.

The sun not shielded.

A sun trap,

No words can tell my despair?

They left a mess and an old fridge!

Well that’s nice to look at

Not!

Allez! Allez!

Posted on June 30, 2024 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged Age, Cycling, Disease, Hubby, Loss, Memory, Race, Sadness, Tour de France2 Comments

Last year I watched the tour de France with my hubby. This year, for the first time in about 20 years I’m watching it on my own. It feels strange, no point in cheering on our favourites, no discussion about how Mark Cavendish will do. Just muttering ‘you would have loved this’ to his memory. I could switch it off, but I don’t want to. Tears will fall. I only got into cycling because of hubby. I miss him so much. He would be out cycling after this, a short ride to keep his legs going. He was over 70 and still enthusiastic. 70 isn’t old, he was young at heart. Disease not age took him from me. 😢😢

In memory

Posted on May 8, 2024 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged Challenge, Dreams, Esther Chilton, Loss, Memory, Poem, Poetry, Prompt, Sadness, Time, Writing2 Comments

I saw a prompt on Esther Chilton’s page “dreams” and decided to write a poem about loss to respond to it. Here it is.

In my dreams you are still here

I grasp your hand to pull you near

To say “goodnight” to you my sweet,

As my heart trips and skips a beat,

To have you here, to hear you speak,

That is the dream I really seek.

I know that you have gone away,

Will never see another day.

I’m in a dream now, holding on

To memories of you though you’ve gone.

Some books…

Posted on May 6, 2024 Posted in Memories, UncategorizedTagged Books, Cartoon, Hubby, Life, Loss, Memories, Missed, Poster, Reading, Sadness, Sir Francis BaconLeave a comment

“Some books are to be tasted.

Others to be swallowed.

And some few to be chewed and digested.”

Sir Francis Bacon.

A poster my hubby had before he met me over 40 years ago. We put it up in a frame and it really does sum up his life. Where I will read sets of books and I’m interested in biographies and art, sci-fi and science, he was interested in everything. He could skim read but take what he was reading in. He seemed to absorb the words like some sort of computer. He often read a book cover to cover in a day. He was an eccentric, an intelligent man, but not overly intellectual. He was unique and I miss him so much.

Sunlight over bluebells, a year ago

Posted on May 3, 2024 Posted in Memories, Sketching, UncategorizedTagged Anniversary, Art, Bluebell, dappled light, Felt pens, Memory, Sadness, Sunlight, Time, WoodsLeave a comment

An innocent day, a year ago. We were out at a Rode Hall, walking through the bluebell woods. No sign of the troubles ahead.

I wish I could hold the hand I held for 43 years, so firm and strong, walking into sunlight with you. Taking each step carefully along the path. You leading the way, supporting me.

I heard the birds singing and felt a gentle breeze that shook the bluebell heads. Nodding in the dappled shade. All ready for some fairy parade when we were gone.

I drew this later from a photo, I wish I could go back in time.

Mallaband-Brown

Tag: Sadness