I want to time travel
Back to Cornwall
Back to happy days
Laughing and crying
With happiness.
Warm sunshine
And late sunsets
Beautiful countryside
Gentle breezes
Walking across fields
Passing cows and horses
Before the sadness.
Oh for summer
Tag: Sadness
Upset last night…
My eyes flood with tidal waves of tears.
Storm clouds have darkened my brows.
Salt tears course down my cheeks.
Time has flown, she is gone.
My sister – my twin.
Written and drawn at 4am. Things just got to me again and it seemed a good way of expressing myself.
Feeling hot
It’s a cool day, and we don’t have the heating on, but I feel hot. I’m wearing a jumper so that might be the cause, but my guts ache too. I hope I’m not ill. I haven’t eaten anything strange, I made a nice chicken and pasta meal last night and it was thoroughly cooked. Basically lots of vegetables, some tomato pasta sauce, two small chicken breasts (apologies to vegetarians) and some multi coloured pasta. Tonight we are going to have pizza so I guess I’m in an Italian mood?
Other symptoms? I think the lethargy I’m feeling is still from sadness. It’s taking me a while to get over things. Maybe my immune system is a bit low? Or perhaps that’s just me guessing. Meanwhile life goes on. I’ll get a cup of tea and maybe doze for a while. The cat has just come up to say hello…
Crying
Doodle, art, thinking.
Yes those are some of the tags I’m using for this. Then sadness, black and white, lines, drawing.
I had some sad news today, a reason behind what happened to someone. A shape to the hurt. Knowing is not a resolution, and it’s just made me sadder. So I will keep making art and trying to distract myself. That’s all I can do.
My muddled brain
Flashing like a beacon, connected in all different directions, emotions bursting out into the world. Thoughts spiralling. Pain, anxiety, calm, hope, dreams, fear, sadness all mingles. If I can find a thread to pull me through all of the entangled ideas. The tears keep falling.
Today I reached out and so many people reached back to me. I feel overwhelmed with their support. I need to hope things will improve. I think the friends I have made that hope more real.
Spiralling
This drawing is another meditation. As I spiralled around drawing complex patterns I thought about aspects of mine and my siblings life. By thinking about her as I drew I could concentrate without getting too upset. I let myself think about how things could be different, and that she may have been spared. I don’t know if it was a comfort but I had been watching a programme about quantum entanglement and the possible multiverse. I am not an astrophysicist and I have no idea if this theory would have any effect on variations of people/places/times, but it gave me a little strange comfort.
Broken up
We were never one
But we were together
You and me
Sharing one space.
We were dressed the same
Identically unidentical
Called fraternal –
Really sororal
Now you are gone.
One half disappears
The other must go on.
Apart, forever.
Parted.
Need to do more
I’m finally, after almost three weeks, starting to feel a little like I want to do some painting or creating digital art again. Things have been really bad. It must have been hard to read some of the things I wrote. Death is not easy to cope with, and not having answers about why something has happened makes it even harder. But amongst the misery my little artist inside me has kept me going. It’s like the thread Ariadne gave to the hero Persius, to find his way out of the Minotaurs maze. It’s always there, even when I’m not doing any art. It helps me X
Blank
It’s blank, I have the canvas, I have the paints, I have an idea, but I don’t know where to start. I have to do a painting for someone, and I want to, but my mind is blank. Just like the canvas. I might have a fight with it later, spread some green and red paint on it. It’s just knowing how to start. I’ll have to do it, soon….
Sad words
What do sad words mean?
Do they explain
Do they confer
Anything?
How do I say
What I feel?
Words are not easy
They don’t encapsulate
They don’t wrap you
In their arms.
They are just noise
Between people
When what I need
Is a hug?
Mallaband-Brown 