New paintings and regular art updates.
When you don’t sleep well it’s easy to be drawn into watching TV. The last few nights have been horrendous. I’ve not got to sleep until 5 or 6am. Then sometimes there is a programme I really want to watch. Tonight there are four hour long episodes of Monarch of the Glen. It was a series I watched twenty years ago and I haven’t seen repeats of it. The pleasure of watching it outweighs the sleep I am missing. But maybe one day I will get back to sleeping well.
Last night I came downstairs because my back was hurting and yet again I was having a sleepless night. But that wasn’t the same for the cats! This boy was asleep on the floor so I has to carefully step over him to get to my armchair. Then he woke up and jumped on the chair arm and settled down next to me. Then the other boy cat jumped up on my hubbies chair. Soon they were both snoozing next to me. I eventually went back upstairs because this cat started snoring! I was so tired I actually went to sleep. X
Please can I have a new body? I’m sure bits will start dropping off soon. Not only do I suffer from insomnia but now when I go to bed I have to contend with trying to find a comfortable position. My back has sometimes troubled me (I think from years ago when I used to be a care assistant), but recently it’s got far worse. It hurts just trying to lie down. Then I end upon the edge of the bed gripping it to stop my back slumping. I basically sleep either on one side or the other or on my back, but each of these is getting much more painful. Then I try and turn, but the pain as I twist is getting off the scale. Get in the doctors? But it’s nigh on impossible to get in and see one while everything covid is going on. So I’m taking mild pain killers and hoping it’s just a phase and it will ease off. Meanwhile, very grumpy today!
A sleepless night and suddenly I had a brainwave for this one! It’s fragile, full of fuzzing thoughts and it can’t settle down. Collage with offcuts, parcel tape, nail varnish, black ink and felt pens. Sundays prompt was brain/mind for #bandofsketchers
I really don’t know what was going on. The inspiration? A little plastic bag with pink zigzag stripes and a book on human biology I got when I was at school!
Yes, its almost 3.30am. No I can’t sleep. Yes, the neighbours security light keeps flashing on and off….flash.. flash…No, I can’t calm my thoughts, yes, I tried counting sheep. Yes, I just had a warm drink (decaff coffee). Yes, I am tired. No, I do’t know if I should be sticking commas after Yes, and No,. Yes, I WANT to sleep. Yes, his snoring doesnt help! No I can’t count sheep, they get blurry and disappear. No, it doesn’t help having to wear a mask for sleep aponea at night. Yes, I am too hot, but the house is too cold when I get out of bed. Yes I AM looking at a screen, which I know is bad for sleeping! Yes, aches and pains are NOT helping.
Yes, I try relaxation, sometimes it works, not tonight. Whats bugging me? I need to try and sort a friends problems out. No, I can’t tell her I don’t think I can help- I’m her friend. Yes, Covid is worrying me a lot. Yes, I’m very hot and bothered…. No- THIS IS NOT Helping! Oh well, better go back and TRY and SLEEP…
Hello Insomnia, my old friend, you’re keeping me awake again… its 3.40am- again.
Go to bed
Lie down
Stay awake
Close your eyes
Calm your thoughts
Calm them again
Think of something else
Reinvent the wheel
Remember another problem
Count sheep….
Count goats
Daylight
Dawn…
Sleep….
Wake up after three hours
Repeat…..
After almost a month I managed to get upstairs and go to bed last night. I knew it would be difficult sleeping after a month on my own. I didn’t realise how pointy elbows are, or how legs have sharp knees! So I wrote this little poem… !
Sleep, I need it
But elbows get in the way
Digging in my ribs
And back
Turning night into day.
What I mean is
I just have to say
That when you’ve
Spent a month alone
Sharing a bed again
Is full of elbows
And knees….
Sharp and pointy
Keeping me awake
Till dawn.
I
Tired, shaking, aching. Can’t rest, can’t get comfortable, can’t sleep. Too hot, too cold. Got a slight cough. Feeling miserable. Not ill. The injured calf muscle is difficult to position, too painful after three weeks. I’ve slept on the settee with my legs resting on cushions on a stool because straightening my leg makes it cramp up. My sleeping mask that I have to wear to keep my throat from stopping me breathing is rubbing on my nose and puffs of air from it disturb me as I try to nod off. Occasionally I’ve slept in an armchair instead, cushioned up and curled in a ball. I want to go to bed, upstairs. But I’m scared like the Grand old Duke of a Yorks men I will end up halfway. Neither up nor down.
Injury is not only frustrating, it’s confidence sapping too. You don’t trust yourself incase something happens to make it worse. So instead I’m sitting tapping on my phone. Dithering in the cool night air, wanting to be snuggled and comfy. Feeling fed up.
I had a shocking night last night. The pain in my leg means it’s hard to get comfortable. I can’t lie flat and if I lie on my side I have to put my legs on a footstool with pillows on it. I sometimes can’t get the levels right, so either my legs are too low and the edge of the settee digs in my thighs. The other way means my legs are too high and my knees feel twisted. I really, really, just want to get upstairs to bed. My shocked cat 🙀 plant holder shows what I think!
Steps… The last few days I’ve kept my phone with me and measured how far I walked throughout the day. Over the week since I pulled my calf muscle I have stumbled and ambled about and managed to walk around five thousand steps a day… Not today. I’ve had more pain in my leg and I was so tired I fell asleep for the first time properly in a week. I didn’t fully wale up fully at about 1pm today.
Being injured is a bit like house arrest. No images to take photos of. No sunsets, if I hadn’t been doodling I would not have any art to show. I’ve got things to do but I can’t. I was going to go to a portrait workshop today but I didn’t dare risk it. There is a problem with petrol supplies and it’s affecting all transport so I might not have been able to get a taxi.
So, life continues to be painful but hopefully things will get better soon. X
Mallaband-Brown