New paintings and regular art updates.
I’m a cat person but I suddenly decided to doodle a dog. I must be starting to feel better after covid. I somehow feel like drawing again.
I’m using the Artrage app and the simple flood fill and spray tools. I’ll try and do something more complex soon. I need to catch up with my #bandofsketchers prompts too.
Are you a good judge of character?
How does your brain work? How do you judge a character? If the person is honest it’s quite simple, but if there is dishonesty it’s far more difficult. People can be fooled by kind words. You have to judge people by their actions.
Being suspicious is not a bad character trait, particularly if you are vulnerable. Con merchants can be charming and persuasive, and can take advantage with their scams.
If someone befriends me I am generally cautious, it takes me a while before I get to a point where I can accept them. Once I am I usually hold onto that friendship. I have only ever ended friendships with a few people, and that was because their behaviour was at odds to what I believed they were like. I hated ending the friendship but I’m glad I did.
I am cautious with social media, there is to much flattery and charm out there, and if someone offers me a free lunch…? I think long and hard and then usually won’t accept it.
Low mood
Slowly rising
Clouds lifting
Wind dropping
Rain abates
Gales blow out
Stopping
Leaves fallen
Cannot be replaced
But buds grow
Time moves
Green shoots
Spring forth.
Grateful
Thankful
Healing…
By my side
Part of me
Has ripped away
Torn my heart
In half
Lub dub, Lub dub
It’s still pumping
Just.
Thought I would quickly do a #bandofsketchers prompt. Mostly lying in at the moment, various cats come and share the bed or lie on me and squash me. Keeping warm together. Quick doodle lying sideways in bed.
I feel rough so I did another covid test. It’s positive again. I managed to avoid it for all the years it’s been around. I think I’ve just been unlucky and seen too many people recently. I really feel bad incase I’ve passed it on to others. According to the government you don’t have to self isolate any more, but why would I not protect my friends and family?
Sore throat, dizzy, runny nose, aches, hot and cold shivers. I hate it, I don’t need it. I want to be better. I’ve got things I need to do but I have to be patient. It’s very frustrating, and the longer things get left the less I want to do them.
Someone told me if it’s just one line even if it’s the C line it’s negative? Googled it and apparently you have to have both lines to be positive. I will test again in the morning but might be good news. X
I’m a little perplexed. I’ve been reading a, Brother Cadviael book over the past few nights, to take my mind off things. They are a series of mediaeval murder mysteries that I like. So when I came to bed I thought it would be waiting for me, but it isn’t. I was hot and bothered last night, so it might have fallen on the floor by the bed, but I can’t see it. I also went into the other room this morning but it’s not there either.
Things go missing sometimes, and generally that’s not a problem. I sometimes think there are borrowers in the house ( like the children’s book, with characters called Arrietty and Pod?). But at the moment I just want my book back. It’s out of place, out of possession and position. It’s bugging me. So I’m writing this as another distraction. Mysterious and also frustrating. I guess I will have to give up and go to sleep….
I woke at 5.30am, unable to sleep, I was enveloped in waves of heat and cold from the covid virus. I couldn’t decide whether to snuggle under the duvet or throw it off. I lay listening to the news on the radio.
Just after 8am I came downstairs. I took my medication and prepared to light a candle for my hubby. Today was the day he would be cremated but circumstances meant I could not go to a funeral. Life isn’t always fair. Many friends and family had promised to light candles for him too and I spent an hour in calm and quiet peace thinking about my loss and contacting people who had left messages and thoughts on social media. What a strange way of doing things these days.
After breakfast I wondered if I should take another covid test, but decided I will wait till tomorrow to see. What would be the point of just confirming I was still ill. I continued to get messages and contacted friends and family.
I’ve cried and cried today. Little things like stories of people going through similar circumstances touched my heart. A film which was one of my hubbys favourites was on the TV. ‘The railway children’ is a sweet film and when it reached the end I started crying all over again.
Sleeping has helped this afternoon. I decided to ignore the fuel bills and have the heating on today. I was so tired at one point that my sandwich I’d made for tea slid off the plate and spilt all over the floor. I was not happy with myself.
I know these posts are not nice. I guess I’m just trying to document how I feel. If I explain perhaps it could help someone else? I don’t know.
What’s the matter now? Became a response when my hubby couldn’t hear me properly. He was always having problems with his hearing aids. They made his ears sore. Or if he got his hair trapped they would whistle.
What’s the matter now? Was almost a catchphrase. I dreaded it, it meant he was irritated by me, or something was getting on his nerves.
Decades of living with someone, and you don’t know what will happen. Can you know someone well enough to be able to solve all their problems? Not in a normal life. It’s not all romance, it’s trying to give and take, accept difficulties. Putting doubts out of your mind. The marriage service has it right. The balance between sickness and health. Riches and poverty. Somehow you rub along.
I will be guilty for a long time for feeling I should have done more. To make everything OK? Not a chance, but I can wish. For now I will try and remember the ‘what’s the matter now?’ moments and try to accept that was part of our life too. If there is something after life I hope he forgives me. I don’t know what else to ask for of him. Processing grief is horrible but it has to be done.
No presents hanging in stockings
No orange in the toe of the sock
There’s no chocolate or dolls
No perfume, or jigsaw puzzle
Sympathy cards replace Christmas ones.
The poinsettia is still in the shop
Your present has gone to a friend
We won’t open one each before breakfast
Old traditions wrung out
New ones yet to start.
Meanwhile I wait for snow or reindeer
Or Christian meditation and carols.
Who knows what happens next.
Shrodingers Cat has more idea
Of the future than I do.
Mallaband-Brown