Ballooning

What’s something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail.

Fear of heights and flying have held me back from doing this, but if I knew I would have guaranteed safety, no risk of the balloon suddenly deflating, or getting caught in a gale, or plummeting to earth, I might have a go.

I’d have to be on a tethered line, and maybe not go any higher than ten or twenty feet!

Why am I scared? I suffer from vertigo if my feet leave the ground, so even jumping can make me dizzy (I exaggerate), but I think I know where it stems from.

When I was young I was happy to climb up the outside of the swings or the big slide in the park or the ropes in the school hall. I’d climb to the top and hang upside down. So when I was a teenager and went on a school trip I was fine. But I borrowed some binoculars from the school teacher and climbed up a steep hill. I’d wanted to see the view. BUT, when I tried to climb down it wasn’t as simple. The surface was scree, loose small stones, I could feel the ground sliding away beneath me and I couldn’t use both hands because I was holding onto the binoculars for grim death! I finally got down in a flurry of dust and rough rocks, but I think it shook my confidence, I know from then on I was much more cautious and nervous about heights.

Completing a college course

What was the hardest personal goal you’ve set for yourself?

I realise that sharing information about what course I did isn’t good on the Internet, too much info gets stolen or misappropriated.

I’m giving a rather obvious clue without, stating dates and times. It was a big leap up from what I did before. But it gave me confidence to do other things. My goal was to get a good qualification and I did. I have done other courses since and sometimes I’ve done well and other times not so good. But you have to do the best you can and try and work out where you went wrong so you can rectify your mistakes.

All I can suggest is try and gain the best qualifications you can. Don’t let people tell you off or try and talk you out of it. The world is a big place and having qualifications can hopefully make it a little bit easier to live in.

The French Impressionists

Who are your favorite artists?

Renoir, Pissaro, Degas, Monet, Manet…. And many more artists. The beginning of a modern French movement, that started to move away from classical art towards a more emotional, abstracted style of art.

The French Impressionists held a ‘salon des refuses’ in 1863 of paintings that had been refused by the official Salon. It was organised because so many paintings had been refused and the Emperor Napoleon III arranged it.

Many of the upcoming French Impressionists were part of this exhibition.

My favourite artist is Monet, from his repetitive paintings of haystacks, to his paintings of the facade of Rouen Cathedral in the 1890s in different light conditions and colours fascinated me. Then his later huge paintings of waterlilies when he lived at Giverny. This was as he got older and his sight was affected by cataracts. I think I remember reading that he was one of the first people to have a cataract operation?

Of course the Impressionists were only the start of changing artistic styles. Post Impressionists, fauvists, expressionism, pointellism, then cubists and so many other schools of art.

Basically there are too many things to talk about. I have books about the Impressionists somewhere? I don’t know where.

Painting

What is your favorite hobby or pastime?

This was a painting I did a few years ago, it’s of the upper story of Cheddleton Station, in Staffordshire, England.

I still love painting, but my health is affecting what I can do at the moment, I really want to do more. And somehow the anxiety over it is making me struggle to start. Because I’m worried whether I will be able to do a good enough job. I know I’ve been doing a lot of digital art, but it doesn’t have the same quality to me as actually painting.

I’ve spent years being an artist and I don’t want to stop. I admit some of my work isn’t as good as I’d like, I paint fast and rely on my skill to pull things into shape. I’ve certainly put in the hours to get to a good standard. But I wish I could go back in time and make better decisions about my art.

I haven’t stopped, but I might not do as much as I used to, I’m just hoping the physiotherapy I’m due to start will help.

I have too many!

What would you do if you lost all your possessions?

Books, ornaments glass, clothes, paintings… Clutter.

In some ways to lose all my possessions would make life simpler as long as I had somewhere to go? Our house has got crowded with ‘stuff’, we have collected things over years and years, and we are trying to get rid of some of it.

But it’s easy to become attached, an object can encompass memories, look at it and you look back in time. Does losing your possessions give you freedom? Or is it oppressive? What if you only have the clothes you stand up in, no credit or debit card…. Knowledge of where you live would be important. Knowing how to light a fire, keep warm, find food and clean drinking water. The inhumanity of men to the homeless is a fear if I went through with disposing of my possessions.

An artist did do it. He crushed all of his belongings I think. It was a very powerful art ‘happening’, but what happened to him? Was he paid to do it, has he replaced things, did he survive? The problem is that in a world of thousands or millions of wonders each day, does anyone even notice.

It would be good to dispose of my belongings, to free up myself, but I’m getting too old to survive such a thing. I will have to keep at least some of my things..

Blue to Red

What’s a topic or issue about which you’ve changed your mind?

At 18 I voted blue (Conservative). That was how my family had always voted, we spoke about it, and I was supporting our first woman prime minister. How I regret it now!

After the election I moved out and started to learn more about the world around me, how people struggled and how the new prime minister was making things worse for people not better.

I went through several general and local elections over the decades but I never voted blue again. I had completely changed my mind. Sometimes I don’t like Labours policies, they can seem to be Tory lite, but I’ve never not voted for them. Sometimes they get into power. But for the last thirteen years Conservatives have been in power. They have had five prime ministers, some of which were not elected by the populace but by their fellow MPs. They make promises but they don’t keep them. Cancelling projects which were expensive and that have been massively over hyped. All blue policies…. From privatisation to selling peerages…

So I’m Red through and through. I think I always will be. The biggest change of mind and direction in my life.

Quite often

Tell us about a time when you felt out of place.

Where am I?

I was a child and because my eyes were bad I couldn’t see where my parents were on a big beach. So I got lost, but luckily someone found me and I got back to my family. Then they found out I was short sighted, so I ended up with glasses.

Later I got lost trying to map read while my mom drove. I wasn’t very good at it, so we took the right road, but headed south not north. Eventually I realised I had gone wrong and we found our way home. After that I studied maps (on paper), so I knew where I was.

But feeling out of place can also be emotional. I used to do an important job and did it well, but I didn’t fit in with other staff members because they thought I was too soft with our customers. I started to feel very out of place. I think I suffered from imposter syndrome. I second guessed myself all the time, thinking I would get caught out for doing things wrong.

I’m glad I’m out of it. I want to feel I have a real place to be,

Simpler

Your life without a computer: what does it look like?

I do try not to be online all the time, I don’t use a pc or laptop, but who needs them when you’ve got a phone? I think sometimes my brain is permanently plugged in…..

It’s those little hits of seratonin? They give you a brief hit of pleasure, and if I am not blogging or drawing digitally I feel empty.

But I know it’s not good for me, I find myself following vlogs and different pages and sites. I’ve got worse since I hurt my leg, and I know as I recuperate I need to do more physical things. I have to take the phone though, to measure my steps!

Things I would do without a computer.

Not get lost, I can read maps,

Not miss my favourite TV shows

Get more exercise

Go to my studio

Actually paint and draw with real, physical art supplies!

Meet with friends more.

Trumpet playing

What skill would you like to learn?

I started learning pre covid, but I couldn’t afford frequent lessons. Then the pandemic happened and I stopped learning. I thought I would pick it up again, but I’d got out of touch with people.

I don’t know whether I will try again, I need to make a decision because if I don’t I will never know if I could have done it.

So I’m going to have to get my trumpet out when I’m well and see if I can make the right noises. It’s not just my mouth, but my arms need to be in better condition to be able to hold the trumpet and manipulate the valves. If I can’t I won’t be able to play it.

If like other skills it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at something, it means it’s highly unlikely that I will ever be much good. But I can try.

Everything

What details of your life could you pay more attention to?

Recently I’ve been putting my head in the sand and taking avoiding action. Anxiety will do that to you. Pulling my mind and life back up out of it is hard work.

A lot of it is external, caused by things out of my control. But even so I must pay more attention to things. I must not let things to continue to spiral out of my grasp.

The plan is to look at easy, medium and hard things to do. Trying to do one or two or even three of them a day.

What I found was that trying to do all three one day exhausted me, made me too tired the next day to do anything more. I think I am a bit burnt out? Maybe getting things done less quickly and trying to build up is the best way to go?

Anyway I’m going to try and get back to normal soon.

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