Town or City

Town/City full of buildings sketch. There are many historical buildings in Stoke on Trent but a lot of them are derelict and falling down. Where places like Manchester have had investment old buildings are refurbished and turned into apartments or restored to their former glory. Here in Stoke they languish, are bought up by out of town businesses that allow them to fall down, get broken into or in some cases have unexplained fires. Severs properties in the North of our city have had fires over the last few months. Is it wrong to be suspicious about that? I do wonder and worry that one of the most important areas of industrial and vernacular architecture is not being cared for. We could use the better properties even if we only keep the facades. But our local leaders seem hell bent on stripping back the past, losing a heritage that could be supported. You only have to look at Etruria Industrial Museum to see somewhere that has worked. But I despair for so much of our surroundings.

Toast at 4am

It’s another one of those nights. I lie down to sleep but my thoughts churn. I’m too hot, then too cold. I tried reading but hubby wants the light out, then he starts to snore. I came downstairs to get a drink, decaffeinated coffee, what a thrill?! I decided to treat myself to a slice of toast with hummus. Not very exciting. I know that at this rate it will be afternoon before I get up. One of the cats is on the armchair next to me, paw over his nose, keeping the light from the standard lamp out of his eyes. Oh to be a cat, curling up wherever you can. Warmed in a fur coat that is totally ethical. The house creaks at night, it’s old and not very well made. I think of my sister late at night. My chest does ache, but it might just be the cold I’ve had for the last few days. I guess I’ve got to learn to live with the loss. I’m still mourning her. Maybe tomorrow night I’ll get a better night’s sleep.

Clocks going back

This morning it was dark at seven am. Tomorrow night our clocks go back an hour in the UK. On Sunday morning it will be getting light an hour earlier and we will get an extra hour in bed. Fine, but then we lose that hour in the evening, so it will be going dark at five pm.

I Hate that. I find my spark going out in the winter. I feel like a wraith wandering through the gloom. I don’t think I have SAD, but I am Sad. I wait till the sun starts to go down later every day, as the winter Solstice passes, and the returning Sun starts to cheer me up again.

Mourning and bereavement

When you lose someone it is complex and confusing. Especially when it is a sudden event. First there is disbelief, and that keeps flooding back. I keep wanting to talk to the person who is gone. Then I swear at them! Angry with them. Asking why did it happen? It’s unbelievable and shattering. Everything is on hold, I can’t decide what to do for the best. I’ve talked to lots of people, shared some of my feelings. I hope that’s the right thing to do. Life seems bad at the moment but at least I’m still trying to cope. Sleep is another problem. If you see me here late at night I might just be trying to take my mind off things.

Sorrow

I won’t show my face fully because I feel like every part of me is breaking up into tiny pieces of nothing. I am numb. I want to talk, but I want to stay silent. But the creative urge pushes me to make an image of how I’m feeling, inside as well as out. They say time heals. I hope it can glue my soul back together, or a stich in time will darn my minds pieces into a whole again. I am torn into atoms and scattered.

Trying to save money

My tickets have been cancelled

I can’t afford to pay

The prices just keep going up

By day and day and day.

I want to give to charity

I want to share my funds

But if I don’t reduce my costs

There just won’t be enough.

So small cut here and over there

It won’t save very much

But one day things will be better

Then I will resume my trust

I worry if I don’t save costs

I will go totally bust!

What day is it?

Queen Elizabeth II from the Internet.

It was yesterday? That our queen died. Prince Charles is now King Charles III.

The BBC has been showing wall to wall reports about everything that is happening. I understand why, its TV channels are the face of the establishment. They have to show what’s happening for the sake of history and posterity. But for goodness sake! The same report about the Queen’s life has been shown on the hour at least six times. Rolling news at its worst? I feel sad that she has died, but being reminded constantly is too much, at least try and vary the content. For instance another channel had stories about artists who had created portraits of her, and had interesting anecdotes. The TV stations knew this was inevitable. Stop making a meal of it. How many days will it be before the obsession stops?

Flowers abstract

I need to get my paints out again. Doodling abstracts on my phone is OK, but I’ve hit a bit of a block at the moment. I have an easle set up on a chair but it’s covered in post and bits of paperwork. I think it’s because of having shingles. A lot less painful but I’m not getting out much. I haven’t done things I planned to do like going for walks with my hubby. Now the nights are drawing in. Soon the clocks will go back and it will be darker earlier in the day. Sorry for the meh post!