Toast at 4am

Posted on November 3, 2022 Posted in Cat, UncategorizedTagged Awake, Cat, decaffeinated, Grief, Insomnia, Loss, Mourning, Sad, Sleepless, TiredLeave a comment

It’s another one of those nights. I lie down to sleep but my thoughts churn. I’m too hot, then too cold. I tried reading but hubby wants the light out, then he starts to snore. I came downstairs to get a drink, decaffeinated coffee, what a thrill?! I decided to treat myself to a slice of toast with hummus. Not very exciting. I know that at this rate it will be afternoon before I get up. One of the cats is on the armchair next to me, paw over his nose, keeping the light from the standard lamp out of his eyes. Oh to be a cat, curling up wherever you can. Warmed in a fur coat that is totally ethical. The house creaks at night, it’s old and not very well made. I think of my sister late at night. My chest does ache, but it might just be the cold I’ve had for the last few days. I guess I’ve got to learn to live with the loss. I’m still mourning her. Maybe tomorrow night I’ll get a better night’s sleep.

Clocks going back

Posted on October 28, 2022 Posted in Sketching, UncategorizedTagged Art, Autumn, clock change, Dark, fall back, Life, Sad, Solstice, Time, WinterLeave a comment

This morning it was dark at seven am. Tomorrow night our clocks go back an hour in the UK. On Sunday morning it will be getting light an hour earlier and we will get an extra hour in bed. Fine, but then we lose that hour in the evening, so it will be going dark at five pm.

I Hate that. I find my spark going out in the winter. I feel like a wraith wandering through the gloom. I don’t think I have SAD, but I am Sad. I wait till the sun starts to go down later every day, as the winter Solstice passes, and the returning Sun starts to cheer me up again.

Sad words

Posted on September 30, 2022September 30, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Grief, Life, Memory, Poem, Poetry, Sad, Sadness, Thinking, Tired, Words1 Comment

What do sad words mean?

Do they explain

Do they confer

Anything?

How do I say

What I feel?

Words are not easy

They don’t encapsulate

They don’t wrap you

In their arms.

They are just noise

Between people

When what I need

Is a hug?

Mourning and bereavement

Posted on September 20, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged bereavement, coping, feeling, Healing, Learning, Sad, Sleep, Talking, Time, Tired, Upset4 Comments

When you lose someone it is complex and confusing. Especially when it is a sudden event. First there is disbelief, and that keeps flooding back. I keep wanting to talk to the person who is gone. Then I swear at them! Angry with them. Asking why did it happen? It’s unbelievable and shattering. Everything is on hold, I can’t decide what to do for the best. I’ve talked to lots of people, shared some of my feelings. I hope that’s the right thing to do. Life seems bad at the moment but at least I’m still trying to cope. Sleep is another problem. If you see me here late at night I might just be trying to take my mind off things.

Sorrow

Posted on September 19, 2022September 19, 2022 Posted in Sketching, UncategorizedTagged Broken, creative urge, Digitally manipulated photo, expression, Sad, Sorrow, Thoughts, tornLeave a comment

I won’t show my face fully because I feel like every part of me is breaking up into tiny pieces of nothing. I am numb. I want to talk, but I want to stay silent. But the creative urge pushes me to make an image of how I’m feeling, inside as well as out. They say time heals. I hope it can glue my soul back together, or a stich in time will darn my minds pieces into a whole again. I am torn into atoms and scattered.

Trying to save money

Posted on September 14, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Charity, giving, inflation, Poem, Poetry, Sad, Sadness, Thinking, Words, WorldLeave a comment

My tickets have been cancelled

I can’t afford to pay

The prices just keep going up

By day and day and day.

I want to give to charity

I want to share my funds

But if I don’t reduce my costs

There just won’t be enough.

So small cut here and over there

It won’t save very much

But one day things will be better

Then I will resume my trust

I worry if I don’t save costs

I will go totally bust!

What day is it?

Posted on September 9, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged BBC, Elizabeth II, endless reports, History, Obsessive, posterity, rolling news, Sad, Sadness, the QueenLeave a comment

It was yesterday? That our queen died. Prince Charles is now King Charles III.

The BBC has been showing wall to wall reports about everything that is happening. I understand why, its TV channels are the face of the establishment. They have to show what’s happening for the sake of history and posterity. But for goodness sake! The same report about the Queen’s life has been shown on the hour at least six times. Rolling news at its worst? I feel sad that she has died, but being reminded constantly is too much, at least try and vary the content. For instance another channel had stories about artists who had created portraits of her, and had interesting anecdotes. The TV stations knew this was inevitable. Stop making a meal of it. How many days will it be before the obsession stops?

Flowers abstract

Posted on September 5, 2022 Posted in Sketching, UncategorizedTagged Abstract, Art, Easle, evenings, Ill, Life, Painting, Sad, shingles, Thinking, Time, WorldLeave a comment

I need to get my paints out again. Doodling abstracts on my phone is OK, but I’ve hit a bit of a block at the moment. I have an easle set up on a chair but it’s covered in post and bits of paperwork. I think it’s because of having shingles. A lot less painful but I’m not getting out much. I haven’t done things I planned to do like going for walks with my hubby. Now the nights are drawing in. Soon the clocks will go back and it will be darker earlier in the day. Sorry for the meh post!

Demise of a bird

Posted on July 31, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged Bird, demise, Life and death, Lost, Nature, Photo, Poem, Poetry, Sad, songLeave a comment

You sang, you flew

Perched and pecked

Hopped in the grass

Stood on the branch

You slept soundly

Woke at dawn

Gave voice to beauty

Slept again.

What befell you?

I do not know

But fall you did

Farewell to you.

Don’t forget

Posted on June 24, 2022June 24, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged aggression, families, Fighting, Forgotten, headlines, Refugees, Russia, Sad, Shelter, Ukraine, WarLeave a comment

Memory is a strange thing, time passes slowly, but quickly. The Ukraine is still under attack, its people being shelled and murdered by Russian forces, not a special operation but open war. But we forget, we see it as less newsworthy because we get bored. Meanwhile people get trapped in factories where they have taken shelter. Families are ripped apart, the elderly and disabled are left behind because they don’t have the ability to escape. Mass destruction of the infrastructure continues. Why is Putin allowed to continue? He makes more threats and we are unable to make him stop. Of course the fear of reprisals is part of this. If you don’t remember the attack is continuing how can you help?

Mallaband-Brown

Tag: Sad