Still light

5pm sky. Less than a month after the shortest day, and this afternoon I noticed there was still light in the sky after 5pm.

Why does it matter? When I was working and doing a 9 to 5 job I hated starting and finishing the day in the dark, particularly in the evening.

There was an experiment in the 1960’s when the UK kept British Summer time throughout the year. It only lasted for about three years, but it was much better to walk home from school in daylight. The Royal Society for the prevention of accidents? (I think), worked out it was safer for children because in the evening people were tired and there were less accidents when children were more visible when walking home.

For me, when it starts to get lighter in the evening I feel less gloomy, my spirits lift. I’m pretty sure I don’t suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. (SAD). I can’t imagine how bad it must be for people that do.

Now I’m looking forward to Spring despite the rest of the winter to come.

Walking

Two years ago I was walking almost every day to get fit. Then I pulled a calf muscle and my walking buddy got ill. I was stuck for a while because I wasn’t able to put much weight on my leg without it feeling like it was going to snap again. I ended up not walking very far. I tried to get back into it. But then illness and loss got to me. I ended the year with a chest infection. Now I have seen this and hubby has been walking I think I need to start again. There is no reason why I can’t if I try once I’m well again.

Cycling

I was thinking about when I used to cycle several years ago. I used to be able to ride for miles. Unfortunately I was knocked off my bike and sustained a head injury. When I recovered I carried on cycling, but I did not know the brazing on the front of the bike had been damaged. I was cycling up a hill when the headset and down tube seperated. The front wheel bent forward and the forks collapsed!

I decided to have the bike repaired as I only have short legs, I’d tried getting a new bike, but it wasn’t the right size or shape of frame. Unfortunately the bike shop I took my bike to was a little disorganised. They lost the frame for a year. I didn’t have a bike, so I took driving lessons. By the time I got the bike back I had a job that I had to commute to, so I used the bike less and less. I eventually gave up. I keep thinking I will try and get on my bike again, but my hips and back are too stiff…. Life, sometimes it really gets you down.

Felt OK

Last night I went out to choir practice for the first time in several weeks. I wrote this gratitude about it when I got home. When I got there I couldn’t help crying, but a friend came over and calmed me down. We are now the mystery singers for the Christmas season so we were singing songs like Gaudete and Sweet Chiming Bells. Finally we sang While Shepherds watched their flocks by night to the tune of on Ilkley Moor Bah’tat, (although the Carol song might have come first?). By the end of the night I felt OK. So I am very glad I went.

My sister, Farewell

It’s social media so I’m not sharing her whole face or naming her. But she had a good Farewell yesterday, kind words and thoughts. We seperated in late teenage hood as I left home to go to college. We went in different directions, I think she had a more romantic view of life and she had an almost fairy tale history (married with two children). I won’t talk much about her world, I don’t want to share too much personal information. We were seperated by many miles, but the bond was still there. I wish we had been closer and visited more. Bereavement is full of regret. I do regret, but I don’t feel guilty.

Lost

I feel like a lost leaf. I went to visit someone with a friend and I felt totally isolated. I didn’t know what to do socially, what to say. I could see they were not happy, but I was a guest, and didn’t know what to say to them. There was no connection between us. She looked away, I looked away. We ended up texting on our phones. Ignoring each other, not through dislike, but bafflement. I must try and make an effort.

Town or City

Town/City full of buildings sketch. There are many historical buildings in Stoke on Trent but a lot of them are derelict and falling down. Where places like Manchester have had investment old buildings are refurbished and turned into apartments or restored to their former glory. Here in Stoke they languish, are bought up by out of town businesses that allow them to fall down, get broken into or in some cases have unexplained fires. Severs properties in the North of our city have had fires over the last few months. Is it wrong to be suspicious about that? I do wonder and worry that one of the most important areas of industrial and vernacular architecture is not being cared for. We could use the better properties even if we only keep the facades. But our local leaders seem hell bent on stripping back the past, losing a heritage that could be supported. You only have to look at Etruria Industrial Museum to see somewhere that has worked. But I despair for so much of our surroundings.

Toast at 4am

It’s another one of those nights. I lie down to sleep but my thoughts churn. I’m too hot, then too cold. I tried reading but hubby wants the light out, then he starts to snore. I came downstairs to get a drink, decaffeinated coffee, what a thrill?! I decided to treat myself to a slice of toast with hummus. Not very exciting. I know that at this rate it will be afternoon before I get up. One of the cats is on the armchair next to me, paw over his nose, keeping the light from the standard lamp out of his eyes. Oh to be a cat, curling up wherever you can. Warmed in a fur coat that is totally ethical. The house creaks at night, it’s old and not very well made. I think of my sister late at night. My chest does ache, but it might just be the cold I’ve had for the last few days. I guess I’ve got to learn to live with the loss. I’m still mourning her. Maybe tomorrow night I’ll get a better night’s sleep.

Clocks going back

This morning it was dark at seven am. Tomorrow night our clocks go back an hour in the UK. On Sunday morning it will be getting light an hour earlier and we will get an extra hour in bed. Fine, but then we lose that hour in the evening, so it will be going dark at five pm.

I Hate that. I find my spark going out in the winter. I feel like a wraith wandering through the gloom. I don’t think I have SAD, but I am Sad. I wait till the sun starts to go down later every day, as the winter Solstice passes, and the returning Sun starts to cheer me up again.