Author: artbychristinemallabandbrown

I'm an artist based at the Spode factory site in Stoke on Trent. I paint, draw and create digital art. Contact me at mallabandbrown@aol.com

And still it goes on.

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On 24th of February this year Vladimir Putin said he didn’t want to annex parts of Ukraine 🇺🇦, and yet now he’s trying to set up referendums to get the areas he’s taken over to vote to be absorbed into Russia. He can then threaten Ukraine more if they try and take those areas back.

Meanwhile victims of Russias torture and killing are being found in the areas in the North East of Ukraine that have been liberated. Innocent civilians that had their hands bound behind their back and were shot in the head. Or the survivors that were beaten or electrocuted. The loss that they and their relatives must feel must far outweigh any normal grieving? The world is awful. May this terrible war end soon.

Mourning and bereavement

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When you lose someone it is complex and confusing. Especially when it is a sudden event. First there is disbelief, and that keeps flooding back. I keep wanting to talk to the person who is gone. Then I swear at them! Angry with them. Asking why did it happen? It’s unbelievable and shattering. Everything is on hold, I can’t decide what to do for the best. I’ve talked to lots of people, shared some of my feelings. I hope that’s the right thing to do. Life seems bad at the moment but at least I’m still trying to cope. Sleep is another problem. If you see me here late at night I might just be trying to take my mind off things.

Good morning cat

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The cat greeted me this morning. Sitting on the windowledge, stating at me and purring. I knew what she wanted, breakfast. There is just enough space for her to sit next to the glass paperweights I’ve collected over the years. The cats calm me down. They cheer me up. They help me when I feel down. They look for love and give it back in return. Although they are not like dogs, because their love is not unconditional! They tend to want food and can be quite demanding. But when a cat slowly closes its eyes at you in what they call a ‘slow blink’ you know they are sharing their feelings with you.

Sorrow

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I won’t show my face fully because I feel like every part of me is breaking up into tiny pieces of nothing. I am numb. I want to talk, but I want to stay silent. But the creative urge pushes me to make an image of how I’m feeling, inside as well as out. They say time heals. I hope it can glue my soul back together, or a stich in time will darn my minds pieces into a whole again. I am torn into atoms and scattered.

Regrets

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The world is mixed up today. Something happened and I think it’s too personal and painful to recount here, so I’m not mentioning names, but I am writing to sort my thoughts out a little.

I have so many regrets, things I didn’t do, words I didn’t speak. Silence I didn’t break. Not because I was being mean, but because I lost track of time, I forgot to remember to keep in touch. And now I can’t speak, I can’t phone. Your voice has gone. Lost. Not forgotten, but hard to remember.

Years go by, we were not close, but we understood each other. Now there is nothing. I have consolation, hubby, family and friends, but I’m so sad. Goodbye. That’s all I can think.