This has been hidden behind envelopes and letters for weeks, artists block holding me tight in its grip. So why is it uncovered? Is there going to be a spurt in activity? No, spring cleaning, removing piles of old letters and finding things to shred or burn…. And I cleaned the cooker, cleaned the bathroom sink, did the washing up, cleaned the fridge, the sink in the kitchen, wiped the walls down and… Still didn’t paint, despite having things to do…. My bum needs a good kicking!
I admit, this week I should have painted. But I’ve found a colouring Web site where you sit and ‘colour by numbers’.
I want to get on with things, but with everything that is going on in the world I think I’ve got a bit down again. I need to paint.
So tomorrow, I’m going to try and get my act together and start painting again.
I need to paint. I’ve had a break, partly self enforced because I was busy and tired and lost my way in doing other things like blogging, plus it’s been winter and it’s too cold and dark. I was doing lots of things as hobbies too. But I’m nervous of spending too much of dwindling resources. I’m scared of putting a toe back into the world of work. I want to be helping people as well as painting.
The cliff edge is looming and I want to take a step back. Writing here is allowing me to explore ideas and thoughts that I have never been able to do before. It’s all very gentle and kind and I’m afraid I’ve found a cosy space that allows my dreams, but perhaps I have to let go and try harder in the real world. I’m saying I’m an experimenting artist so I need to do that….. Give art a chance.
Sometimes my creative juices freeze
then like a bird I flit and flitter
from one path to another
sit and shiver.
Like a lonely lark.
Sometimes they thaw
but not enough
so the thought is there
but cannot reach from my brain
through my heart
to my hands.. ..
In other times my mind is woken,
shapes fly from my fingers
hot sharp ideas stagger me with their invention.
Later, all is quiet again.
The mood has stormed its way through me.
Calm descends and I am lost in fog again.