Five years!

Five years? Where did they go? How have I changed and what am I doing differently.

The trouble is remembering everything. It’s half a decade after all. Along the way I’ve made friends here, and also lost a few. Like ghosts they just disappeared from WordPress. People I enjoyed reading most days just stopped, but without resolution or explanation in most cases. Even the ones I found elsewhere then disappeared again off the new platforms.

The trouble is trying to keep things fresh, trying to discuss different ideas. I used to write little short stories sometimes, spooky little tales that had a twist in the tail, but I don’t know if they were any good. I’m still writing short poems some humerous, some more serious. And I try and write about my artistic endeavours, whether that’s about painting or illustration. I hope they are not too boring. It’s been a bad few months and I know I haven’t been as upbeat as I could be. We will see what comes in the future but I hope I can keep going without getting too boring or inconsistent. Thank you for following me! ❤️

Ghost stories….

I couldn’t sleep last night and watched a few short adaptations of some M. R. James ghost stories, including one called the Mezzotint. The writer who adapted them is called Mike Gatiss and is well known for his involvement in the Sherlock series of detective mystery TV shows and other clever stories.

I realised that A Christmas Carol is a ghost story! Sounds strange but I think of it as a Christmas story and it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside rather than the slight weirded out shudder I get from ghost stories at this time of year. But then I prefer a taut, spooky, tension building story any day to a horror film, all lumbering zombies and nightmarish vampires. The ones where people Always run upstairs towards the danger instead of out the front door and to the safety of the police station (I mean a British police station, no guns, no odd sheriff who arrests you instead of looking for the real culprit, no hidden secret). No I prefer the subtle horror of a tap that continues to drip even after the lead piping connecting it to the mains water has been severed by a hacksaw… Or the gradual encroachment of a garden full of roses with sharp thorns and a deadly scent that can envelope an unwary new tenant attempting to cut back the thorny undergrowth.

And why do they put on these spooky little horrors at this time of year? Is it the lengthening hours of dark, dank, cold, mist and fog? The snow falling so that tracks can be left but then fade before an investigation can find them in the morning? Subtle screams muffled by an unseasonably rising tide? Its like a box of dark chocolates, with Evil centres.

I am quite particular in what I prefer. No evil dead films. More sneaking spooks, less fangs, more clues.

Late for Panto…

Well I decided to go back and join in our local penkhull panto because I need to start getting out and stop moping about. So… Its been in rehersal for weeks, so I’ve not been cast as anyone but I should be helping with the scenery. Maybe some props, it’s bringing back good memories…

The production is Robin Hood and we already had a script from a couple of years ago. It’s not on until the new year. It should be a laugh…. Oh yes it will be… Oh no it won’t.. Oh yes it will

Too many

Oh I get fed up, too many emails, I keep deleting them, but sometimes they reappear in my inbox. I have to admit I don’t know how many I actually have. I keep some from friends that I have had for years. I just don’t know if I can delete them, they are my contact with the past… What do you do? How much memory do they take up? Should I delete the lot?

My sister, Farewell

It’s social media so I’m not sharing her whole face or naming her. But she had a good Farewell yesterday, kind words and thoughts. We seperated in late teenage hood as I left home to go to college. We went in different directions, I think she had a more romantic view of life and she had an almost fairy tale history (married with two children). I won’t talk much about her world, I don’t want to share too much personal information. We were seperated by many miles, but the bond was still there. I wish we had been closer and visited more. Bereavement is full of regret. I do regret, but I don’t feel guilty.

Negative

Once I had a drawing (this took thirty minutes), I played with different filters to create different effects. This was using the negative filter on my phone. I have so many sketches and sketch books that I think I ought to store together. I also have thousands of photos on my phone. It’s a way of keeping memories and meaning. But sometimes the photos you really want are the ones you never remembered to tske…

Added leaf

When the exact size and shaped leaf falls on your picnic plate. I moved it over to line up with the stem. I had to take a photo

Today was a good one. I sang, I laughed, I cried and I felt supported by friends and by the world. I found a plastic heart that had fallen off a picture and was stuck with bluetack to the bottom of my slipper. But that bit of plastic was whole, not broken. A sign? Perhaps, I took the decision to accept it as that and it made me smile.

Shoes

Summers over and my sandals must be put away for another year. I will have to get my flat heels out again. I don’t bother to buy pairs of shoes. I bought three sorts of the same type in different colours, and never wore them! It’s strange, some women have tens or hundreds of pairs, and different ones for different occasions, I never got into that. I think it’s because I’ve never had much money. When we had a death in our family when I was a teenager, my mother gave us money to buy a dress and cardigan and shoes to wear to the funeral. I think that’s why I don’t get excited buying clothes or shoes. As long as they aren’t falling apart I keep wearing them….

Spiralling

This drawing is another meditation. As I spiralled around drawing complex patterns I thought about aspects of mine and my siblings life. By thinking about her as I drew I could concentrate without getting too upset. I let myself think about how things could be different, and that she may have been spared. I don’t know if it was a comfort but I had been watching a programme about quantum entanglement and the possible multiverse. I am not an astrophysicist and I have no idea if this theory would have any effect on variations of people/places/times, but it gave me a little strange comfort.