New paintings and regular art updates.
A blanket by my sister. She was crocheting lots of blankets and granny squares. One of the things she had was many balls of wool. I think they will have to go to a new home. It’s good to see she was creative in a different way to me, but she must have put many hours of work into this. I will truly miss her.
It’s social media so I’m not sharing her whole face or naming her. But she had a good Farewell yesterday, kind words and thoughts. We seperated in late teenage hood as I left home to go to college. We went in different directions, I think she had a more romantic view of life and she had an almost fairy tale history (married with two children). I won’t talk much about her world, I don’t want to share too much personal information. We were seperated by many miles, but the bond was still there. I wish we had been closer and visited more. Bereavement is full of regret. I do regret, but I don’t feel guilty.
Once I had a drawing (this took thirty minutes), I played with different filters to create different effects. This was using the negative filter on my phone. I have so many sketches and sketch books that I think I ought to store together. I also have thousands of photos on my phone. It’s a way of keeping memories and meaning. But sometimes the photos you really want are the ones you never remembered to tske…
When the exact size and shaped leaf falls on your picnic plate. I moved it over to line up with the stem. I had to take a photo
Today was a good one. I sang, I laughed, I cried and I felt supported by friends and by the world. I found a plastic heart that had fallen off a picture and was stuck with bluetack to the bottom of my slipper. But that bit of plastic was whole, not broken. A sign? Perhaps, I took the decision to accept it as that and it made me smile.
Summers over and my sandals must be put away for another year. I will have to get my flat heels out again. I don’t bother to buy pairs of shoes. I bought three sorts of the same type in different colours, and never wore them! It’s strange, some women have tens or hundreds of pairs, and different ones for different occasions, I never got into that. I think it’s because I’ve never had much money. When we had a death in our family when I was a teenager, my mother gave us money to buy a dress and cardigan and shoes to wear to the funeral. I think that’s why I don’t get excited buying clothes or shoes. As long as they aren’t falling apart I keep wearing them….
This drawing is another meditation. As I spiralled around drawing complex patterns I thought about aspects of mine and my siblings life. By thinking about her as I drew I could concentrate without getting too upset. I let myself think about how things could be different, and that she may have been spared. I don’t know if it was a comfort but I had been watching a programme about quantum entanglement and the possible multiverse. I am not an astrophysicist and I have no idea if this theory would have any effect on variations of people/places/times, but it gave me a little strange comfort.
Six months ago I remember things were fine. The Rhododendrons in the Dorothy Clive Garden were in flower, we had the whole summer to enjoy. The sun was shining and covid seemed to be on the wane. Now things are not so good. Autumn has arrived and life has thrown me some curve balls. We are heading towards darker days and the summer is speedily disappearing. But I have decided I have to be OK. Just doing things like getting my covid and flu jabs seems positive. Protecting myself and people around me.
Does anyone remember this. It came with pins to hold the circles down that you drew around. You had to use thick card board to pin into otherwise as you used the small circles the paper would slip. Over the years I did hundreds of these patterns, I could almost draw them without the plastic circles and getting pens to fit in the little holes. I liked some patterns more than others. Maybe it explains my obsession with them now?
My sun has gone out
The moon has split in half
My world is darkened
The loss of a relative
Guts your soul
Don’t scream
Don’t cry
Hold it together
For you
For everyone else
But it’s hard to take.
The world is mixed up today. Something happened and I think it’s too personal and painful to recount here, so I’m not mentioning names, but I am writing to sort my thoughts out a little.
I have so many regrets, things I didn’t do, words I didn’t speak. Silence I didn’t break. Not because I was being mean, but because I lost track of time, I forgot to remember to keep in touch. And now I can’t speak, I can’t phone. Your voice has gone. Lost. Not forgotten, but hard to remember.
Years go by, we were not close, but we understood each other. Now there is nothing. I have consolation, hubby, family and friends, but I’m so sad. Goodbye. That’s all I can think.
Mallaband-Brown