Tag: Life

What’s the matter now?

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What’s the matter now? Became a response when my hubby couldn’t hear me properly. He was always having problems with his hearing aids. They made his ears sore. Or if he got his hair trapped they would whistle.

What’s the matter now? Was almost a catchphrase. I dreaded it, it meant he was irritated by me, or something was getting on his nerves.

Decades of living with someone, and you don’t know what will happen. Can you know someone well enough to be able to solve all their problems? Not in a normal life. It’s not all romance, it’s trying to give and take, accept difficulties. Putting doubts out of your mind. The marriage service has it right. The balance between sickness and health. Riches and poverty. Somehow you rub along.

I will be guilty for a long time for feeling I should have done more. To make everything OK? Not a chance, but I can wish. For now I will try and remember the ‘what’s the matter now?’ moments and try to accept that was part of our life too. If there is something after life I hope he forgives me. I don’t know what else to ask for of him. Processing grief is horrible but it has to be done.

No presents

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No presents hanging in stockings

No orange in the toe of the sock

There’s no chocolate or dolls

No perfume, or jigsaw puzzle

Sympathy cards replace Christmas ones.

The poinsettia is still in the shop

Your present has gone to a friend

We won’t open one each before breakfast

Old traditions wrung out

New ones yet to start.

Meanwhile I wait for snow or reindeer

Or Christian meditation and carols.

Who knows what happens next.

Shrodingers Cat has more idea

Of the future than I do.

Stuck in Wales

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My sister is broken down in a car in Wales, her clutch has gone. She’s been waiting for the breakdown service for about four hours! They keep saying they are sending someone but it’s getting late, and cold. Why they advertise a service when they can leave someone on their own late at night. So of course I’m worried about her. I will keep ringing her back until I know she is safe. I cannot go to her because she is about eighty miles away in a town I don’t know. So if you read this please just send her good wishes. X

He came to me

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I just woke up from a dream. I was in the street and I heard footsteps clattering up behind me. I turned and it was my hubby. Hair blowing behind him, his jacket flapping. He said a couple of words, something like ‘I’m here’? But then I woke up.

It’s not much of a story, but it was comforting. The thought that he is around somewhere, even if its just in my imagination made me feel better.

Manchester

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What cities do you want to visit?

I haven’t been to Manchester for years. I like it because it is a cultural centre. Galleries and Theatres and museums. But traffic is difficult. All the routes I used to know have changed. There are more bus lanes and priorities have changed. I got stuck in the city centre about five years ago. We had to turn round in a one way street and follow a bus lane to get out! Luckily I wasn’t fined.

Other problems include the train service, our last train from Manchester is always too early. You can’t stay for a drink after a theatre visit, there is no way to travel unless you take the car, and with carbon taxes it’s not possible to drive into the city centre in a pre millennium car.

I hope they think I’m kind

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Tell us one thing you hope people say about you.

It says it all “# be kind”.

Why not? Why be horrible, unkind, cruel? To make life better for yourself by harming others? Too many dictators and politicians seem to think this way. Often they say populist things to the public, while making decisions that often go against their rhetoric. Looking to increase their power. Then again a lot CEOs pay themselves massive amounts above the lowest paid workers. 80 men earn more put together than half the world’s population, that’s about 4,000,000,000 (4 billion) people!

Kindness can be financial, or verbal, it might just be a gentle hug. It might be not enforcing unfair rules and laws that would be detrimental to different races, faiths, or sexualities. Often conflict is about us and them. Being unkind or treating people as ‘other’ or not ‘one of us’ is not what I support.

Basically it simply comes down to thinking about people, thinking what they need, and trying to help if you can, even if it’s only a few kind words. Be considerate, be kind.

Fun with documents (not)

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Someone needs my original document to process a claim. I don’t want to send it as it could get lost in the post. Oh send a certified copy they said. Where do I do that? Solicitors or a doctors? I’m fed up. I’m sick of dealing with paperwork. All I’ve done today is cleaned a windowledge of dead plants that I have neglected recently. It’s all I can think of doing today.

Green gone!

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My neighbours are fencing off the alleyway which is good because it will stop people getting in through the hedge, but they bought a digger in and grubbed up even more of the hedge. It’s near where my hubby wanted his ashes scattering. I couldn’t argue, I just stayed polite, the builder didn’t care or understand. But when things are sorted I will plant the spikiest holly and pyrocantha hedge that I can!

The builder said “your hedge is over the boundary line” I replied “this was my hedge for over twenty years, you are doing work for someone who literally just bought it”, he seemed to vaguely understand. I just hope he didn’t dig up any hedgehog nests!