Portal

Step through the portal and walk into another time, another continent perhaps?

That was the challenge she faced one night on the way home from visiting friends. The dark was split by a hole or tunnel glowing with blue white light and paved with what appeared to be stone. A gentle voice emanated from the apparition. ‘Choose your destiny’ it whispered, ‘travel in the fourth dimension to wherever you wish’.

She thought about it. Gift or curse?, ‘One Question’, she asked. ‘Can I return back to here, to now?’ ‘I cannot answer your question’ said the voice. ‘That would depend on if this time continuum continues in its present condition’.

‘Nah!’ she said, ‘not a chance’, and walked away…

Confidence, what’s that?

How would you rate your confidence level?

Yes, OK, I do have reasonable confidence levels after years of lacking it. I think you do become more confident as you get older and more experienced. But (and there is always a sneaky but in there) it can easily be knocked because I sometimes over think things, and then worry and anxiety knock my confidence.

Why? At various times I’ve been bullied in my life, and that makes you question what you are doing. It’s hard to give a robust explanation if the person bullying you is your manager. Then the ability to think things through is an advantage, to realise that you haven’t got it wrong, but it can knock your confidence.

Another thing is the feeling of imposter syndrome. When you get a job and then wonder why you feel confused by how you actually got there? So many responsibilities, and I’m doing it? Having to think up reasons why someone can get permission to do one thing, or be denied another? Get it right and the feeling of elation can give your confidence a boost.

But writing? Looking back at this I’m confident I’ve used too many clichés! Oh to be young with all the massive confidence people have these days? No, I think expecting everything to be wonderful all the time is a mistake. We have to learn from them to grow more confident.

Not knowing

What makes you most anxious?

The world I’d bleak and I don’t know what to say or think. Words and thoughts churn round in my head. I feel anxiety about not getting something right, something I should have done months ago that could have massive consequences now or in the future.

Because I was focused on myself I didn’t see other people or a person who might have needed my help. It’s six months and the Earth has travelled half way around the Sun. That’s 186,000,000 miles. And now I’ve only just realised I should have been there for someone 186 Million miles ago! I feel idiotic, I feel great anxiety that I will not be forgiven. I feel I have lost a chance where I could have been of help…..

Even now, writing this, it seems a trivial response, too self serving, am I writing something that will help, or to just try and exonerate myself. Guilt and anxiety, mixed emotions and sadness…

Drawing and painting

Digital art

What activities do you lose yourself in?

I have always drawn and painted. Hours can disappear and I don’t notice them. I think that’s called ‘flow’, I’m immersed in it. Even now when my left arm shakes I can’t stop. I end up with shake lines or I have to put things on an easle to stop it. I now have golfers elbow in the same arm and gout and trigger finger in my right hand. But I keep being creative. I really think its my reason for living. When I stop drawing that will be the end of me. Even if I can’t hold a pen or paintbrush I can doodle on my phone and finger paint as in the digital drawing above.

A few years ago I was in hospital. I made my hubby bring me a sketchpad and pencils, I think that was proof I was getting better!

Need to catch up

#bandofsketchers?

What’s happened? I’ve been ill again and I haven’t had the energy or will to draw. I’m behind on these prompts. I have ideas but the sketchpad is across the room and I can’t make myself go and pick it up. I think I’m a bit overwhelmed. I don’t think the cold, wet, grey weather we have been having has helped. Shivering and shaking is not conducive to drawing and sketching. Oh I must not moan, but sometimes you just get stuck. Bad mood and memories don’t help, I guess I’m a bit blocked in my creativity. Sunshine might help.

X

Would you like Marmite on that?

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

I hate marmite. I ate it once when I was a child and I never ate it again. Its a minor hate, it wouldn’t hurt me to eat it, but that’s  how I feel about it. So if you asked me if I’d like Marmite on something I would not thank you.

This is why I took so long to answer this prompt. I don’t think I have a real question that I would hate to be asked? I guess there will be something but I haven’t come across it yet. I must lead a sheltered life.

Thinking of a question I would hate to be asked made me realise how lucky I am not to be in a situation where I would need to answer it. I think I will leave this here as I’m starting to waffle!

Dear me at 100

Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.

Dear me

I never expected to get to 100, although I really wanted to. I enjoy being creative and learning new things. When I was young I always got bored, so I found things to do. The more I did that, the more I tried to do. Art, science, astronomy, pottery, reading. Lots of nonsensical things too.

I think using my mind is important, I hope I still have all my marbles when I reach 100. I once met a woman who was in her mid seventies and said she had no room in her brain to learn more! Why? It doesn’t make sense. Finding out new things renews me. It gives me the opportunity to understand more. I hope that me at 100 can still take in information and keep up to date with what is going on in the world.

I really wanted to see Halleys comet return. I hope future me saw it? Its on my bucket list. X

Sleepy and cold

It was very cold last night so I left the central heating on low. The sky had cleared and I think it was down to – 6°C last night. I was reading in bed, propped up under my moon nightlight, but I was sleepy. Suddenly Thud! The book had fallen on the floor and I had woken with a crick in my neck. I was cold and achy. The moon was clear and bright up in the sky, shining in through the window. Apparently last night there was a 20°C difference between the the coldest place in the UK, about – 16°C and the highest 4°C, so we were about a middling temperature.

Then I thought about anybody in an unheated house, or who are stuck outside in a tent or on the streets. What about them? I was in an old bed, in an old house, but I am so much luckier than a lot of people. Why is there such inequality?

So what’s happening?

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

Don’t you hate it when you are watching a film or programme and someone comes in the room and asks what has been happening. You don’t want to have to reply but you know you are going to have to. It’s halfway through the programme and one person has died, another one is being blamed. A third is actually responsible. How to explain while trying to continue watching? Sometimes a grunt works. Other times a full explanation is required.

The worst thing is when it is you asking the question, and you know you are not going to get any sort of an answer that makes sense.