Not knowing

What makes you most anxious?

The world I’d bleak and I don’t know what to say or think. Words and thoughts churn round in my head. I feel anxiety about not getting something right, something I should have done months ago that could have massive consequences now or in the future.

Because I was focused on myself I didn’t see other people or a person who might have needed my help. It’s six months and the Earth has travelled half way around the Sun. That’s 186,000,000 miles. And now I’ve only just realised I should have been there for someone 186 Million miles ago! I feel idiotic, I feel great anxiety that I will not be forgiven. I feel I have lost a chance where I could have been of help…..

Even now, writing this, it seems a trivial response, too self serving, am I writing something that will help, or to just try and exonerate myself. Guilt and anxiety, mixed emotions and sadness…

Emotion

Todays band of sketchers prompt was emotion. I tried to draw myself doing an evil laugh. Permanent marker drawing. I was drawing by the light of a standard lamp to excentuate the shadows on my face. It’s a bit scruffy and odd because some of the pens are running out and it was difficult to differentiate between the colours on the pen tops. I wanted to say ‘Grr Argh!’ which was the sound that was at the end of Buffy the Vampire slayer programmes, oh yes I was a Buffy fan.

My friends book…

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Image by N. F. Mirza from her book.

I don’t do reviews…

But (you know one was coming). I just sat down to read ” Swinging Sanity” a book of poetry by my friend N. F. Mirza, who I know as ‘stoneronarollercoaster’ at WordPress.

I’ve known her for a while and found out she was a writer and now a published poet. Her book is a small volume. But it’s full to bursting with poetry full of emotion. As she moves through life, using it to discover her mental health and wellbeing.

The poems are forceful, I’m no poetry critic, but I found them easy to read. Some of them touched raw nerves, and you can see her heart torn open in many of them. I particularly liked Ocean and I become one.

ISBN 9798618202992.

Insomnia

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Insomnia bites at my mind.

Makes sleep impossible,

Hides the remote to my dreams,

It gives no respite to my need to rest,

I am a prisoner held in its bright grasp.

Sleep, eludes, escapes, disappears.

5am ..the sun is rising on another day….

Shall I try again for a brief nap?

The click clack of the clock invades my ears,

Makes me hear the dawn chorus….

The radio susserating quietly by my bed…will I drift on …

Onto a narcoleptic ocean, softly, softly, gently falling…

AWAKE!