Confidence, what’s that?

How would you rate your confidence level?

Yes, OK, I do have reasonable confidence levels after years of lacking it. I think you do become more confident as you get older and more experienced. But (and there is always a sneaky but in there) it can easily be knocked because I sometimes over think things, and then worry and anxiety knock my confidence.

Why? At various times I’ve been bullied in my life, and that makes you question what you are doing. It’s hard to give a robust explanation if the person bullying you is your manager. Then the ability to think things through is an advantage, to realise that you haven’t got it wrong, but it can knock your confidence.

Another thing is the feeling of imposter syndrome. When you get a job and then wonder why you feel confused by how you actually got there? So many responsibilities, and I’m doing it? Having to think up reasons why someone can get permission to do one thing, or be denied another? Get it right and the feeling of elation can give your confidence a boost.

But writing? Looking back at this I’m confident I’ve used too many clichés! Oh to be young with all the massive confidence people have these days? No, I think expecting everything to be wonderful all the time is a mistake. We have to learn from them to grow more confident.

Walking…..

I never thought I would be doing this challenge. I used to be scared of walking. If I walked a couple of hundred yards I would congratulate myself! I’m so glad I joined in and I’ve already got through 25% of it!

I used to be fit. I could cycle for miles, but after an accident where I was injured I eventually got a car. That was my downfall. Its taken over thirty years to realise I can do something about it. Don’t be scared, have a go!

Trying to get the cat in.

We are trying to encourage the abandoned cat that we look after into the house as the weather gets colder. He isn’t very happy though. He struggles out of my hubbies arms and runs and yowls to be let back out again. We might have to consider opening the cat flap and having him in the bathroom over night if nothing else. We want him in a warmer situation than last winter.

I keep telling hubby that you have to encourage him in gently (the cat, not hubby) and let him settle down, until he gets confident. The two house cats don’t seem to mind him and disregard him, so that’s positive.

He’s in!

Progress! The abandoned cat got up courage and came inside the backdoor this afternoon to have something to eat. He’s gradually getting confident enough to trust us. My boy cat went out again this morning, not far, he’s very nervous of strange noises that make him jump. It’s a balance but I hope all three (including our girl cat) can integrate together.

Profile

img_20200504_041504_1365404589575594658575.jpg

Profile

You looked out in May

So proud and keen

Your profile reflected in glass

In the window.

Sure you would keep safe.

The sky would not fall…

picsart_05-04-021461159800639162200.png

Now you have dissolved,

Lost your identity.

Impaled on shards of humanity.

Sifted and sprinkled

With covid 19.

Stay safe they said

As you disappeared.

Mood ring?

_20191001_234130

Could this ring read my mood? I’d bought it a year ago, but never wore it. I was always worried the stone, small and dark blue, would get damaged. The stone was meant to tell your mood, but I’d always been calm and had never tested its ‘powers’.

That had changed today, a series of mishaps and then an incident had really upset me.

First a flat tyre, so I had to catch the bus. Then a reprimand for being late, despite my explanation. Finally I was mugged on my way home! Two youths had jumped out at me and grabbed my bag while I was waiting for the bus home.

So why the mood ring? I had got home and realised it had been broken into. All my jewellery had gone, except the cheap mood ring, obviously worthless to the muggers. No, not worth the five ounds I’d paid for it… But anyway I put it on. It only fit my little finger.

It felt warm, it started to glow, red then white. How was it doing this? I wrenched at it but my finger had swollen and it would not come loose. As I struggled I heard voices downstairs! The youths who had mugged me. They must have burgled the house. I felt my throat tighten, and a voice, not mine, shouted loudly ‘stay where you are!’

I flew down the stairs, into the living room where the youths were standing frozen. I pointed at them and the voice, my voice. Told them to stay put. The words seemed to still them. Then I called the police.

I don’t know where I got the courage and strength from. I think the mood ring had boosted my mood and confidence. When the police arrived the youths meekly left with them!

Choir practice

sketch-1551121247350

Singing is part if my life now. I started singing lessons about 15 years ago then joined a choir a few years later. I met a variety of people who loved music and I was swept along. We were all interested in learning music from around the world and the group learned acapella songs by heart so that we don’t need sheet music.

Singing calms me down, excites me, can be really irritating when it’s something I don’t like, or enthralling when it’s something new or an old song I love but had never previously learnt fully.

After being a choir member over several years I joined another choir so now I go and practice at least twice a week. Sometimes I join other groups and sing with them too.

I also try and sing when there are music nights at pubs. It has helped my confidence and calmed my nerves. Without it I don’t think I would have got involved in amateur dramatics. If there is a group in your area why not join?