Facebook memory. This was clearly more than a year ago, (hubby died December 2023) but I probably posted it to Facebook then. It still shocks me to see photos of him pop up like he was never gone. X
Gone
Tag: Sad
Another year almost gone…
Time flies, life goes on
Hurt and pain are never gone
Somewhat diminished
But still living here
Coiled round my heart
With everything dear.
Life seen in chunks
Days weeks and months
One year follows another
Some I can smother
Forgetting the pain
But then it rises again.
My life will continue
My future uncertain
Draw back the veil
Open the curtain
On next year’s adventures
And will I have dentures?
(well I couldn’t find a better rhyme…!)
Heart felt
Every so often I find a heart, and I smile and remember, I’m not alone.
Memories grip me, I remember clear days, driving through country lanes, visiting old houses, happiness, times spent together.
It doesn’t have to be a leaf, I see hearts in swirls of coffee, puddles, holes in crumpets, flower petals, it’s just some random pattern that leads me to loving feelings, caring, comforting, companionable love.
And I’m glad.
Where are you?
I saw you in a dream
Echoing through my head
High on a hill,
Climbing a crag
Cycling on narrow roads
Blossom twined in your hair
Life in the 70’s
All love and peace
Working at Machynlleth
You saw Dylan
At the isle of Wight
Your free spirit
Was my joy untold
When I met you, so bold
Never enough time to be
In that world with you
Dragged into work
Instead of adventure
With you.
Aberfan disaster
What major historical events do you remember?
The Aberfan disaster was the catastrophic collapse of a colliery spoil tip on 21 October 1966. The tip had been created on a mountain slope above the Welsh village of Aberfan, near Merthyr Tydfil, and overlaid a natural spring. (Wikipedia)
I was very young and I remember coming downstairs and hearing the evening news on the television. What upset me the most was that the children that died were my age. It scared and upset me. School children were buried below the collapsed spoil heap. I was very frightening.
I could do more
What could you do more of?
If I could do more exercise, I think I would be healthier. But everytime I try and do something? Something else goes wrong with me. I’m like a car that had had all it’s wires disconnected and put back in the wrong places. My head would fall off if it wasn’t screwed on! I know I need to do more but I’ve hurt my leg (well my cat stuck her claws in it) and it started to weep. Now I’ve got a cold. I just feel fed up of being a wreck.
I think I will do something about it soon, in the hope I can improve my health. Fingers crossed.
Looking at photos of him…
My phone is full of photos and every so often I optimise them because the file sizes are too big. But that always mixes the dates up, and this time many photos of my hubby showed up out of the thousands of images I have.
Cue deep greif again. My man was funny, eccentric, bombastic, able to express himself. He was emotional and sometimes irrational. But he supported me and we loved each other. He had a mad sense of humour and although he could get angry about things that was more about incidents in his life that had caused him to suffer from PTSD.
Each time I see his face I remember and I am upset again. Decades of life together has made our link so strong. I wish I could have him back, not just photos, but the reality.
New neighbour
He’s moving in, cut back his garden, and I feel encroached on. For the last few days he’s been burning the plants he cut down. I explained I want to put the washing on the line so he said he would stop, so I put a load of washing on a fast wash. Span it a couple of times. Meanwhile the smoke abated. I decided to do some washing up and to empty the bins. When I looked again? The smoke had started up again.
He appears to be OK, but I feel a bit bullied. Next door was empty for a year, which was peaceful. But now he’s pestering me to get my garden cut back. I’ll get it tidied, but it’s going to cost thousands to cut down and I don’t want to, it’s my nature haven. With him on one side and the shop on the other hacking at my hedge I feel like I’m being assaulted from both sides. I feel less safe than when things were emptied. Now he’s taking my brown bin to put garden rubbish in. I’m letting him use it once but I have explained it’s my bin and I pay to have it emptied.
Last Gladioli flower
This morning the last flower on the Gladioli stem had fallen onto the path. I think someone had knocked it off as they walked past. I picked it up and put it on my step because I liked it’s beauty against the old peeling paint. It will soon fade and wither so I’m glad I captured it before it’s gone.
Cut
My yard, flowers
Apple tree grows,
Next door? Hedge gone
Cut, hacked, defiled.
The view now, roofs
The birds homes shattered.
Where will the roost tonight,
Open up? Let in the light?
But shade gone, it will be blasted by heat.
The sun not shielded.
A sun trap,
No words can tell my despair?
They left a mess and an old fridge!
Well that’s nice to look at
Not!
Mallaband-Brown 