My day has been spent shut inside the house. Not wanting to go out, shaky and achy. My feet are cramping, my hands tremble and twist tightly. I started doomscrolling which was a mistake. I also wanted to keep out of the heat and humidity.
This is the reality of a bad day of Parkinsons. Quiet, just mooching, worrying, thinking about the future. Things I can’t do. Fears of what I need to be careful about.
I need to put washing on the line, I really need shopping. But I had trouble washing my hair. I’m not supposed to get water in my eye because of the surgery, but leaning backwards in the shower feels very unsteady.
Reading about other people’s problems makes me realise how much people have to put up with. Life isn’t always easy.
BUT my Cat just jumped on my lap. She’s happy and purring… Not so bad then..
My Cat started breathing fast this evening. I’d taken him to the vets yesterday and he was fine. They gave him some meds but I don’t think this is anything to do with this. I think he might have a fur ball. He sounded a bit wheezy before his breathing changed. After about an hour things have settled down and he is sleeping.
I rang the vets office anyway and they said they would call me back. I dare not drive to the emergency vets because of my Parkinsons and cataracts. They are on the other side of the city and I don’t want to put him or me at risk. So I’ll stay up with him and take him down my local vets in the morning.
It’s frightening when you live on your own and things go wrong. If I can’t rely on myself I’m in trouble. Age and the aging process is a pain.
I went to the one to one session with the opera singer. I explained that Parkinsons affects your voice and throat muscles so I’m trying to keep singing as much as I can. She got me to warm up my voice, showed me how to stick my tongue forward to relax it and allow myself to hit higher notes. I was surprised at how high I could get.
Singing in front of a professional musician was nerve-racking but she was so kind and very complementary about my voice. I don’t think I’ll ever be professional myself, but it taught me ways to improve my technique. And it was wonderful to try something new and exciting. It also made me feel less anxious about my health.
Yesterday I went to an opera workshop as part of the project I’m in. My breathing can be bad because of my illnesses so I take any opportunity I can to keep my throat and lungs clear.
I’ve known for years that I’ve got an operatic voice somewhere inside me. Yesterday it escaped! We sang part of Nessun Dormo, which is actually about a man trying to get married to a Princess but she keeps killing off her suitors. She has to guess his name but he’s not sharing. I think she is called “Turendot”.
I managed to get a really high vibrato. I surprised myself because I got there late and hadn’t warmed my voice up. I’m amazed and going to do another workshop on a one to one basis but I’m not well, My Parkinsons keeps flaring up, I have various other illnesses. But I’m pushing myself, probably too much. I don’t want to just sit in front of the TV. I want to live as well as I can for as long as I can.
With poor brushes you can still paint. This is about A4 size. The trouble was when I painted this, I couldn’t get a point on the brushes they provided. That made it hard to get detail on the faces and hands. It ended up looking very sketchy but I did my best. This took about 2 hours to knit together like a jigsaw puzzle. Hogarth would be spinning or laughing in his grave! Acrylic on board.
By the time I finished I had to be helped up off my chair. My left hand has been cramping up ever since and my left leg is in spasm. I’m hunched over after leaning in to add details. It’s been a hard, hot day and my Parkinsons is making me shake like a jelly!
My painting “still me” is finally finished. It’s a self portrait about the fact I have continued to create despite my health issues. My hands still shake but I concentrate and it’s not too bad. I don’t know what I will do if my Parkinsons gets worse. I don’t know how I will cope. But I will try to fight it and remain “still me”. I’ve just entered it to a local art exhibition.
A few weeks ago. I usually sing alto at choir practice but recently I’ve been trying to explore my voice. It’s helping to keep me going dispite the Parkinsons disease and shortness of breath. Sometimes I sing up higher, as a slightly squeeky soprano, and also as in this photo as a bass if they are short of singers. Here me and the only bass singer that night were trying not to be distracted by the altos tune which was very similar. My friend was laughing at us and took this photo of us trying to avoid hearing the other tune.
Quick portrait I did today at a craft group I go to. I took my sketchbook because I just wanted to practice drawing. I find I get a lot of tension in my arms when I try and draw or paint theses days. It’s because I shake so much with the Parkinsons disease but something takes over when I’m being artistic. But if I hold a sheet of music when I sing I can’t stop shaking. Weird.
I had a shower, struggled as usual to get ready to go out. Honestly five minutes to put my shoes on. Then I decided to drive to choir practice because I can’t walk fast enough. But got stuck in a line of traffic. It’s only a few hundred yards but I couldn’t get round the corner, then had to park a distance away from our meeting room.
I enjoyed the singing and didn’t trip up over my handbag despite getting my foot trapped in its strap. Then lunch with some friends in the restaurant there.
I’d taken the car so I could also go shopping. I can’t carry much and I needed to resupply as I was almost out of groceries. I managed to park badly in the disabled bay, half over the line. I apologise to anyone I obstructed but my arms don’t seem to pull well on the steering wheel. I chatted with someone sitting outside who was obviously in need of help. I could only offer to get him a sandwich, but that was better than nothing.
Home and I had to clean and dry the fridge which had a pool of cold water in its base? I think I’d moved the thermostat dial by accident and it’s not been cold enough. Then I hauled the food into the fridge slowly. I had several bags so I didn’t need to carry much at a time.
By then I was shattered and fell asleep in front of “escape to the country”, escaping my own time line and waking up just in time for an episode of “star trek voyager” where time paradoxes abounded.
But, half way through I remembered choir practice tonight, so had to go out again. I’m tired now because we have to stand up to sing if we can and I use that as an exercise class, I’m not mobile enough and I need to make an effort.
Now I want to go to sleep but need tea. I was going to try and make scrambled eggs on toast. But porridge seems as appealing and easily done in the microwave.
That was a full on day. I’m shattered. But I need to socialise with people. Most of the week I just sit and watch TV. I’m thankful when I can fight anxiety and escape for a while. Singing helps sanity!
Mallaband-Brown 